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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30106077">Save Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CillDaraCailin/pseuds/CillDaraCailin'>CillDaraCailin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Robyn and Taron [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Taron Egerton - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, CPR, Cuddles, Emotions, F/M, First Aid, Friendship, Hurt, Love, Loyalty, Pain, Sadness, Strength, Swearing, Trauma, Trust, Unhappiness, Worry, emotional distress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:46:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30106077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CillDaraCailin/pseuds/CillDaraCailin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Even though Robyn had promised to be open with Taron after her last visit to him, to lean on him as she needed, after a phone call from one of Robyn's work colleagues, Taron quickly realises that once again Robyn is hiding things from him and without a second thought, leaves set to go to be with her and confront her, needing her to know that this time, she may have gone too far by breaking his trust and caring nature.</p><p>Once again Robyn and Taron are faced with challenge's that test their friendship and feelings, another weekend of high emotions and upset for both.</p><p>Save me is the next story in the Robyn and Taron series and follows on from where These Are The Days Of Our Lives left off.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Taron Egerton and Original Female Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Robyn and Taron [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. “Do not only think about it, but feel about it, also, before taking appropriate action.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey all,<br/>Here is the next story in the Robyn and Taron series.<br/>Hope you all enjoy!<br/>Suze xx</p><p>*Disclaimer - I don't know Taron and this is just a pure story of fiction. All other characters are mine*</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taron jogged to his trailer, trying to stay out of the rain quicker by running to his base while filming in Belfast. Once inside he ran his hands through his growing hair, sighing that he was still pretty wet even with his rush from set. He loved being in the North of Ireland, not only because he was closer to Robyn and still in the same time zone, the change of scenery had been good for him and now six weeks into filming he was getting more use to the script, the words he had to say, the scenes he needed to act in and although at times it was a struggle, he was slightly more contented in his role and as he said he would to his mother and Robyn, he leaned on Matthew for emotional support as he filmed.</p>
<p>The only thing that was working against them was the weather and another day of rain meant that as he arrived back to his trailer for a late lunch call, he needed to change out of his shirt. It was so strange to him that there was such a difference in the weather between England and Ireland and while London was bathing in daily June temperatures of twenty-five, Belfast and as he had learnt from Robyn, Kilcreen, was nestled in a low fifteen and sixteen degrees, days of rain replacing blue skies and sunshine that were across the Irish sea.</p>
<p>He moved to the bathroom to grab the towel from the rack, roughly drying his growing hair, trying to get most of the wetness out, walking back into the living area of his trailer so he would have some more space in his movements. It wasn’t the smallest of trailers that he ever had, but his space was limited though he didn’t mind. It had been perfect for when he needed silence to read over lines, grab a quick nap or just have some head space and privacy. Hearing the knock on the door, Taron walked the four steps to the trailer door and opened it, smiling as he saw one of the director’s assistants with a coffee cup.</p>
<p>“Hey Taron. For you.”</p>
<p>“Joe you legend. Thank you so much.” He draped the towel over his shoulder and took the brown cup from the young assistant and sighed happily as a packaged sandwich was handed to him too. “Joe, thank you.”</p>
<p>“No worries. Matthew said you were headed straight to your trailer to change and asked if I could drop something over to you for lunch.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Taron hoped his appreciation was clear in his voice. Never one to expect to be waited on, he was so grateful for the unexpected delivery of some food.</p>
<p>“Any time Taron.”</p>
<p>With a quick goodbye, Joe headed back to his other duties, Taron closing his trailer door, already inhaling the scent of coffee from the warm cup in his right hand. They had ran much longer than expected while filming that morning and lunch should have been four hours ago but Matthew insisted on getting the scene just right so he wouldn’t have to revisit it and when the rain started to fall, he really pushed to finish the scene even with the actors getting a little wet in the process. The steaming hot coffee was very much welcomed, and the first sip instantly eased the slight chill he could feel. He placed his lunch on the table and went straight into the small bedroom, dropping the towel on the floor and pulling his shirt over his head as he went, shivering a little until he pulled on a dry hoodie over his bare cold skin. Making his way back to the table, he slid into the booth and took another sip of coffee, opening the sandwich, only now realising that he was really hungry. Matthew had called a quick half an hour lunch break, promising to only carry on filming for another two hours before they could have a longer dinner and it had been a long time since breakfast.</p>
<p>The first bite was delicious and the catering had really pulled out all the stops with their freshly made sandwiches and the simple chicken salad on multigrain bread was perfect for his grumbling stomach. Taking another long drink of his coffee, he picked up his phone from the table surprised that he hadn’t gotten a message from Robyn yet especially as it was near four on Friday afternoon and by now she normally sent him at least one message asking how his day was going. They had yet the chance to meet up, even though he was closer to her but his schedule had him working weekends, having days off during the week which didn’t suit Robyn as she worked Monday to Friday. They had to settle for phone calls and WhatsApp video calls as well as many text messages but it was strange for her not to have contacted him yet. Figuring she was just busy, he opened their chat and typed a quick message to her, letting her know that next weekend, before he flew back to Aberystwyth for Mari’s birthday weekend on June twentieth, he was free on the Saturday and she was more than welcome to come down to him for a quick twenty-four hour visit before he was back to work on the Sunday. He smiled as he thought about Mari and the further guilt she had plagued Robyn with in trying to get her to come to her birthday near the end of June and his sister had really pulled at Robyn’s heart strings especially when she took the ‘but you saved my brother’ avenue. Taron knew Robyn was due some sort of training for work that had yet to be organised but if it wasn’t the weekend of Mari’s birthday she would be there in a second, knowing Taron was free too and they could spend some time together. Taron was very much looking forward to going home for a few days to see his family and to get back to Aber just to have a break. It had been a very long time since he had been home.</p>
<p>He got to his feet and took the few steps to the small fridge in the small kitchen area, opening it to take out a can of Coke. Having finished the coffee, he knew the extra caffeine would keep his energy going until dinner and settling back into the booth, picked up the other half of the sandwich and happily munched as he scrolled through his phone, enjoying the break in filming. Even though it was going to be a very quick one, it was needed. It wasn’t the normal method Matthew used when filming, to continue on set for such a long period of time, preferring to give short breaks in-between completed scenes, giving the actors a chance to re-group and breathe a little but with the complicated sequence to be shot outside from various different angles, he wanted to keep the momentum going, the energy he could feel as they shot it thoroughly in one go. Taron was definitely feeling the efforts he was putting into the longer filming and gave his shoulders and neck a long roll, his mind thinking how nice it would be right now to have Robyn’s hands on the back of his neck, rubbing his tired muscles. He smiled as he imagined her behind him, her hands working up into his hair, knowing she would be delighted to feel it growing, although maybe a little disappointed to know it was going to have to be cut once again for consistency in the scenes next week, not even getting a chance to see it a bit longer for herself. Elongating his neck again, Taron’s smile stayed on his face. Any thoughts of Robyn always left him smiling and he took another bite of his lunch, going back to the home page on his phone so he could open up his gallery.</p>
<p>He jumped a little as the phone rang in his hand before he got a chance to access his photos but frowned when it was a number he didn’t recognise. Every now and again, his phone would ring with a private number or one that was unfamiliar to him and he was about to cancel the call when looking closer to the number, the country prefix was one he recognised. The zero zero three five three was the Irish country code and he only knew this because it was how he was able to call Robyn on her number by using the prefix. Taking a chance, he answered, still highly suspicious but willing to chance his arm.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>“Taron?”</p>
<p>It was an Irish accent on the end of the phone and one that seemed somewhat familiar to him. “Yep speaking.”</p>
<p>“Hi Taron, it’s Emma.”</p>
<p>Taron was only aware of one Irish Emma he had met and that was Robyn’s manager. Immediately he sat up in the booth. “Hey Emma.” He tried to keep his voice steady, worry already settling into him. “Robyn? Is she ok?”</p>
<p>“She is fine Taron.” Emma heard the sigh on the end of the phone. “I am so sorry for calling you. I had your phone number in my call list from the last time Robyn went to visit you and she used your phone to call me.”</p>
<p>“That’s ok Emma. How can I help you?”</p>
<p>“Well, I had a bit of a favour to ask you and I know you are incredibly busy filming but just thought I would chance asking you.”</p>
<p>“Emma, just ask me.”</p>
<p>“I am sure Robyn has been talking to you about the training this weekend.”</p>
<p>“Training?” Taron asked confused.</p>
<p>“Of course she didn’t.” Emma sighed. “We have organised for a first aid refresher course this weekend for our staff. A lot of the staff need their certificates and training updated and we organise it in the creche where an instructor comes into us and we spend a full day on the course. It’s normal procedure to ensure all of our staff have the adequate medical training when working with the children.”</p>
<p>“Sorry Emma. I am a little confused.” Taron was wondering if Robyn had told Emma about his CPR campaign he did last year, maybe looking for some posters or a video or something he could send to her.</p>
<p>“Robyn has her training tomorrow too.”</p>
<p>Taron’s whole body sank back into the seat of the booth, his free hand running down his face.</p>
<p>“I take it from your silence that she definitely didn’t say anything to you Taron.”</p>
<p>“I had no idea.”</p>
<p>“I figured as much. Typical Robyn.”</p>
<p>Taron nodded his agreement. “She never said a word. Has it been organised long?”</p>
<p>“The week of her birthday. Before she went to see you.”</p>
<p>“Robyn…” Taron let his head hit the back of the seat. The terrifying nightmare that had left her really shook was beginning to make more sense to him. “Things are suddenly becoming a little bit clearer for me now.”</p>
<p>“The dreams?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Thanks for giving her the time off.”</p>
<p>“I was very happy too. I know you two went through something terrible and can only understand what it was like, needing the time together and here is where my favour comes in Taron. I know you are working and probably up to your eyes but Robyn has just been so distant today and completely froze when one of the girls asked her for a cold compress, for her help with a very simple first aid situation of a bloody nose. It is not like her at all and she was pale as a ghost when she came back to the office. Her mind is completely on the course tomorrow and having seen her react so to a nosebleed, I am so worried what the refresher course is going to do to her, especially the CPR. It is such a long shot and like I said, I know you are so busy but if there was any way possible that you could manage to come to Kilcreen tomorrow evening for when she has finished the course, I know it would mean the world to her. I have a feeling she is really going to need lots of extra support and as much as me and her friends are there for her, I don’t think it can compare to what you have been doing for her. I just thought I would try and ask you. God loves a trier, right?”</p>
<p>Taron listened, his heart breaking at what he was hearing, how once again Robyn was out to sabotage herself, a little disappointed that she didn’t tell him about her course and it broke him even more when he knew how hectic his filming day was tomorrow. “Emma…”</p>
<p>The tone of his voice was enough for Emma to interrupt him. “It’s ok Taron. I knew it was such a long shot. Robyn has told me how gruelling your schedule can be. I just thought I would ask and see. I will be there for her tomorrow no matter what.”</p>
<p>“Emma I would give anything to be there for her. I know how hard it was for me do the first aid course back in October and I don’t even remember the CPR so I can’t imagine how difficult it will be for Robyn to re-enact the CPR that saved my life on a mannequin. It will be extremely testing and even more so with how close August is to us.” Taron’s heart felt so heavy. “I wish she had of told me.”</p>
<p>“She is doing that thing again where she closes herself off, trying to deal with a situation by herself. I really thought she had moved on from doing that.”</p>
<p>“Me too.” Taron knew well Robyn hadn’t told him because she was once again protecting him from his own dread and memories of the 7/11, not wanting to upset him but instead she was putting herself through unneeded pain and distress. “Emma leave it with me.”</p>
<p>“Taron please don’t put yourself under any pressure. I am sorry I asked you. I don’t want you to panic over it.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely not Emma. Thank you for contacting me, letting me know.”</p>
<p>“Taron please don’t tell her I rang you. She will be so mad at me.”</p>
<p>“I won’t say a word to her. I promise.”</p>
<p>“Taron…”</p>
<p>“I will do nothing to let her know I know about the training. She hasn’t messaged me at all today anyway. I know why now. She does such a wonderful job of looking after me or others but still struggles with the little things, to take care of herself and she won’t be mad at you. I am glad you rang me and like I said, leave it with me.”</p>
<p>“Please don’t put yourself out Taron. I know what Robyn will say when she finds out.”</p>
<p>“You let me worry about Robyn, Emma. We have been though a lot together but sometimes she just needs a little push and I know she doesn’t mind when I push her that little bit harder.”</p>
<p>“Well rather you than me Taron but then you have been able to get under her skin.”</p>
<p>Taron found himself smiling a little. “I won’t say a word to her Emma about you ringing me, I promise. I won’t even mention it. Let me talk to my director. When it comes down to it, Robyn is very special and important to me and let’s face it, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for that training she has. Let me see what I can do Emma. Robyn has always been there for me, no matter what.”</p>
<p>“Thank you Taron. She speaks so highly of you and I know she loves you very much.”</p>
<p>“The feeling is mutual Emma.”</p>
<p>After he ended the phone call, he stared at his half-eaten sandwich and open can of Coke, both of which made his previously hungry stomach turn, his coffee now swirling uncomfortably as he felt slightly sick. Although he was very upset at Robyn’s actions, how she blatantly avoided telling him about her CPR training, he still found himself loving her more as once again she put his needs before hers but this was one time Taron was absolutely sure Robyn would crumble on her own, no matter how strong she always seemed to be. As much as he struggled with the fact that CPR had saved his life, it was Robyn who actually performed the delicate technique and having to relive the whole process was going to be so hard for her.</p>
<p>Without a second thought, Taron picked up his phone and made his way out of his trailer and back into the rain which had gotten heavier over the last fifteen minutes and headed towards Matthew’s trailer which was four down from his. He knocked on the door and once he heard Matthew’s voice telling him to come in, opened the door, hopping up the three steps inside.</p>
<p>“Taron, come on in.” Matthew looked up from the pile of papers on his table, giving him a smile. “I am just looking at our schedule for tomorrow. I think we might be able to fit one more quick scene in before it gets dark especially if this rain keeps up. It will work perfectly for the mood of the scene too.”</p>
<p>“Can I talk to you for a second?” Taron asked coming into the trailer a bit, closing the door on the cold and rain. Matthew’s trailer was a little bit bigger than his and where Taron could only fit two at his table, Matthew had enough room for four.</p>
<p>“And I think maybe if we even push a little more this evening, we can really try to film the gutter scene too.” Matthew tilted his head towards his lead actor. “Shouldn’t you be on lunch?”</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t you?” Taron asked back taking some steps closer. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”</p>
<p>“Sure. Have a seat. What’s up?” Matthew was used to Taron coming to have a chat with him throughout the course of the filming over the last few weeks, as he looked for some advice and reassurance on the scenes, the emotional needs of the script testing for the younger actor and he immediately turned his attention to him, dropping his pen on the script pages in front of him.</p>
<p>Taron eased himself into the booth opposite Matthew. “I know we are keeping to a very tight schedule but may be a little ahead.”</p>
<p>“Just a little bit.”</p>
<p>Taron had a feeling Matthew didn’t want a repeat of what happened during the filming of Kingsman so was really driving the cast forward with some demanding long days, trying to take advantage as best he could with what scenes he could. “I just wanted to ask a favour.”</p>
<p>“What kind of favour?”</p>
<p>“So, Robyn…” Taron looked to Matthew.</p>
<p>“Robyn. My favourite fiery Irish woman.”</p>
<p>“Yes, that one.”</p>
<p>“Taron you know she is welcome to come to set whenever she wants. I have the access lanyard for her.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know that but this isn’t about Robyn coming to me. I need to go to her.”</p>
<p>“Taron?” Matthew was prepared for a pep talk, ready to tell Taron he was doing a great job with the script, really pushing through some difficult emotional filming and was more than happy to have Robyn come to set but he honestly wasn’t expecting Taron to say he needed to go and see her.</p>
<p>“Robyn has her CPR training tomorrow and she never told me. Her manager just rang me to tell me. Typical of Robyn not to tell me. Always trying to protect me.” He tried to read the older man’s face, who sat looking at him with his head slightly tilted. “I erm, well I just wanted to see what the chances were of shuffling some things around for filming for the weekend so I could go and see Robyn tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“To go and see Robyn tomorrow?” Matthew repeated.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Taron ran his right hand over his head. “I know it’s a lot to ask Matthew especially when we have only just started filming but it is Robyn. She has always been there for me when I needed her and she wants to go headfirst into this first aid training tomorrow. I know how hard I found it when I did the campaign last year and I don’t even remember the CPR but Robyn does and I just can’t let her do this alone. Her manager rang me to tell me about tomorrow, worried Robyn was already feeling the strain from the upcoming training because she was so off in work today and she hasn’t even started it yet. It is something I have to be there for but I know I signed my work contract but Robyn…”</p>
<p>“… Is one of the most important people in your life.” Taron had avoided looking to his director but had to glance his way. “When is her training again?”</p>
<p>“Tomorrow, first thing. It’s a one-day refresher course. Even if I could finish a bit earlier so I could make my way to hers for when she was finished.” His whole face fell when he saw Matthew shake his head. “Matthew…”</p>
<p>“Let me shuffle some things around Taron so you can leave early tomorrow to be with Robyn as soon as you can.” Matthew picked up his pen and moved some pages to find the schedule for tomorrow.</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Of course.” He looked Taron. “That woman means everything to you and I know you love her and wouldn’t be asking me to leave the set unless it was important to you. I am sure I can re-arrange the whole weekend so we can concentrate on the scenes you aren’t in. Like I said earlier, we are ahead of schedule. I can look at moving some scenes to next Saturday instead. I know you had the day off.”</p>
<p>“Matthew, thank you. That would be great. I will put the extra hours in next weekend. Really. An all-nighter if you need it.”</p>
<p>“Taron…”</p>
<p>“I just need to be there for her tomorrow. I cannot let her do this training alone.”</p>
<p>“Taron…”</p>
<p>“She is already starting to have nightmares about Florida again and I know if I was there with her, it would mean so much to her and...” He stopped talking when he felt a hand on his. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>Matthew gave the very worried and fretting man in front of him a supportive smile. “No need to say sorry. It’s no problem Taron. She’s a wonderful woman and I wouldn’t want her even trying to go through something like that on her own. Let me look at it during dinner later and we can figure something out for you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Go back and finish your lunch or at least try. We have about two more hours in front of us and then dinner where I will have more time then to look at a plan for the weekend.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Matthew.” Taron got to his feet and headed out in the rain, slowly walking back to his trailer not even bothered by the large wet drops falling on his head. He threw his half-finished lunch into the bin and then poured his can of Coke down the sink, no interest in eating anything, his earlier hunger long gone. Taking the steps in the bedroom, he fell forward onto the bed, his legs dangling off the end, a long sigh causing his body to rise and fall. He couldn’t have been more thankful for the kind understanding of his director who without a second thought wanted to help him out in leaving set tomorrow so he could get to Robyn but even with the relief of getting to go to her, frustrated was only one way to describe how he was feeling right now as well as slightly let down by Robyn and her incessant need to block everyone out when things got tough for her. After her time with him for her birthday and how quickly she let him in, he was taken back at how swiftly she had taken on to keeping everything in again, but then she hadn’t even told him about the first aid training and knowing it was happening the whole time during her birthday weekend, it was another obvious clue as to why her nightmares had started to return. When Taron thought he had finally gotten through to her, to figure her out, she just closed off to him and he felt let down by her actions. Always telling him she was there for him, when he offered her the same courtesy, she preferred to shut him out and it hurt him deeply.</p>
<p>His head turned when there was a sharp knock at his door and a loud call of his name, his call that lunch was over and he had to return to set.</p>
<p>“Be right there!” He yelled back.</p>
<p>Groaning he pulled himself up from the bed and to his feet. He was trying to keep his emotions from turning, from letting his building annoyance cloud his mind especially when he knew it wasn’t the mood he needed right now as he was due back on set. He shuffled out of his hoodie and picked up the slightly wet shirt from the floor, slipping back into it, shivering as the cold met his skin. They were carrying on from where they had left off before Matthew called for lunch, a new scene but in the same clothes and he needed to get back into the shirt he been wearing, despite the fact it was still a little wet. Leaving his phone on the bed, Taron headed out of the trailer and back into the rain, walking towards the closed set, turning his attention to his work but in the back of his mind thinking about how he was going to be there for Robyn as he told her he always would be, but also desperately needing to make her see that she couldn’t keep hiding these things from him.</p>
<p>To help give Taron extra time with Robyn, Matthew was true to his word and re-organised their filming schedule so he could have the whole weekend off. Though it gave Taron very little time to prepare for the additional scene he was given to film late that night but it worked in his favour though as the script called for an uncertain and nervous atmosphere for the character he was playing as he faced his scripted father who strolled in drunk in the early hours of the morning from a bar. Matthew was happy with the adlibbing he ended up with when Taron stammered through dialogue he couldn’t quite remember, his fear of forgetting his lines, mingling well with the fear of facing another on screen beating, calling cut just after two am, thanking all for working later than expected, giving everyone a late start the next morning.</p>
<p>Tired and further emotionally drained from the unexpected filming, thinking the tough scene was going to be worked on next weekend, just after three in the morning Taron was throwing some clothes into a backpack, not really watching with what he was picking up, heading into the bathroom of the flat he was staying in to grab some toiletries too. He was so thankful to Matthew for organising for him to have the whole weekend off and before he tried to get some sleep, was packing a quick bag for his visit to Robyn. Matthew had even prearranged a ride for him to Kilcreen though had to try very hard to convince Taron that leaving at six am was a ridiculous plan when he needed to sleep and Robyn would more than likely still be in bed and he couldn’t appear on her front door step just after eight in the morning. So, having to wait until the car arrived for him at nine, he was ordered to try and get some sleep but instead of trying to lay down and rest, he jumped into the shower, hopping around a little as the water scalded him until he managed to get the temperature right and just stood, letting the stream flood his face, his eyes closed tight. As much as he knew he wanted to there to support Robyn and help her through her training, he was so nervous about facing the CPR again. He struggled through it last year but now with how close he had grown to Robyn, how much he had grown to love her, how he fallen in love with her, it was going to be particularly difficult watching her battle with the reason he was still alive. He could only imagine how she was feeling knowing she was going to have relive every movement of going through the motions of those terrifying moments when her hands were the only thing keeping his blood pumping.</p>
<p>After he gave his hair a quick wash, his body an extra-long soap using the same lime shower gel Robyn always had in her home, he quickly dried off and pulled on a pair of boxers and climbed into the bed, flicking off the bedside light before crawling right under the covers, dragging the pillow with him so he could get comfortable tucked into himself. He had forgotten his fleece throw that Robyn gave him and he missed it terribly knowing exactly where he had left it, folded neatly on the end of his couch in London. He had left without it, not even thinking to pick it up as he was on the phone to Matthew on the way out to catch his lift to the airport and as it always helped him sleep, now he longed for the comfort it brought him at the end of long day on set. He shuffled a little further into the bed, tucking the duvet right up to his chin and where before he was aching for Robyn’s hands on his neck, now he was desperate for a cuddle, a warm body to snuggle into. He had already set an alarm for eight and the glow from the clock on the bedside locker told him he would get a little longer than four hours of sleep if he actually managed to sleep. His mind was running in troubled circles and knew nothing was going to soothe his worried thoughts until he saw Robyn tomorrow or rather in a few hours and give her the hug he knew she was going to desperately need and him too.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. “Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don't lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Opening the creche on Saturday morning for training was always a mood killer but this particular Saturday morning, Robyn’s hands were shaking so much, she set the alarm off and it took her five tries to get the right code in, the deafening nose of the alarm finally stopping. The blaring alarm had done nothing for her aching head and she pushed open the office door, dropping into her chair, her head going straight to her hands, her fingers digging into her scalp.</p>
<p>She was dreading this training, knew well it had to be done but it crept up on her so quickly and the thoughts of going through the first aid refresher course that she normally enjoyed was filling her with horror. She pulled her hands from her hair and the sleeves of Taron’s black jumper up over her trembling fingers, trying to get some warmth into them. Too big and so wonderfully comfortable, Robyn wanted to feel some sort of closeness to him, even more than ever today. She had even sprayed the jumper with his aftershave, using the bottle he had given her for her birthday to make the ribbed jumper smell like him but when it was supposed to calm her, the usual familiar scent was making everything just a little bit worse as behind her closed eyes all she could picture was a bleeding Taron unconscious under her hands.</p>
<p>She stood up quickly when the doorbell rang, her heart racing at the sudden interruption and walked to the front door to greet the first aid trainer. She was supposed to have arrived half an hour ago to set up the preschool room upstairs for the training but stood in her home trying to think of every excuse to avoid coming to the training and when she had come up with a decent one, realised it wouldn’t work in convincing her manager so drove to the creche late, giving her no time at all to prepare not only the creche but her head for the instructor.</p>
<p>“Aiden, hey come on in.”</p>
<p>“Robyn, lovely to see you again.”</p>
<p>“You too.” Aiden was the trainer who had always provided the first aid training for the staff in the creche since Robyn had been with the company and this was her sixth training with him, both greeting each other with hand shake. “I am running late this morning Aiden. So sorry. Give me five minutes to get upstairs set up for you.”</p>
<p>“No worries Robyn. I have to get the gear from the car anyway.”</p>
<p>“Just let me prop the door open with the door stop. It will make it easier for you.” Robyn quickly set the door open. “You can bring everything upstairs Aiden.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Robyn.”</p>
<p>They parted at the door and while Aiden went back out to his car to carry in the start of his first aid equipment, Robyn took the stairs two at a time, pulling open the door at the top of the stairs, making her way into the Preschool room, so glad she had asked the girls yesterday evening to move all the chairs and tables into the smaller room, leaving eight small chairs out in a semi-circle for the staff taking part in the training course. She opened all the windows and the fire exit door in the small room to let some fresh air circulate before heading back down the stairs to the kitchen. As she filled some jugs with water, Emma walked in.</p>
<p>“Good morning.”</p>
<p>Emma was bright and cheery, everything Robyn wasn’t feeling that morning but she turned and gave her best smile. “Good morning.” She replied with what he prayed was the right amount of enthusiasm for a Saturday morning course. “I am running a bit behind. Sorry.”</p>
<p>“No worries. Me too. Saturday mornings, right?” Emma came back into the kitchen after dropping her bag in the office. “What can I do for you?” Her eyes were immediately drawn to the black oversized jumper Robyn wore and it so obviously belonged to a man and Emma knew it would only take her one guess to figure which man it once belonged too, having lightly teased her about wearing Taron’s black jumper as she met her at their gate in the airport in Paris. As she stepped to stand beside Robyn, she also got the most gorgeous scent of an aftershave and Emma was very quickly putting two and two together of where Robyn’s mind set was already so early in the morning and was so thankful to have gotten a phone call from Taron himself twenty minutes ago to say he was getting in a car and would be in Kilcreen just after eleven, provided traffic was on his side. “Upstairs set up?”</p>
<p>“Yep, and I opened the windows. Just to let some air in.” Robyn was filling another jug.</p>
<p>“Great.”</p>
<p>“I figured we can close them later. A bit chilly this morning.” Robyn turned off the tap and moved to open one of the presses to take out some colourful plastic cups.</p>
<p>“That’s fine Robyn. Let me carry these up for you.” Emma lifted the two jugs from the counter.</p>
<p>“It’s ok. I can manage.”</p>
<p>“Well, I am going to help you anyway.” Emma walked away with one of the jugs, while Robyn took the other one. Emma turned into the hallway, Aiden stopping to let her pass, his hands full as he carried two mannequin bags but she stopped in her tracks when she heard a light crash and splash of water. “Robyn!”</p>
<p>Emma put her jugs on the bottom stair and quickly walked back to the kitchen door, a large puddle of water in the hallway, the plastic jug still spinning a little on the ground, the cups rolling around the kitchen floor, Robyn standing with her hands on her chest, her whole face filled with a look of alarm.</p>
<p>Aiden walking in with the two covered mannequins in his hands gave Robyn a fright and she was kicking herself for being so stupid, for jumping when her eyes went to the two bags he carried and she dropped the jug of water and cups straight on the floor. “Shit sorry!” She moved to the press to her left to pull out a towel, bending down to clean up the mess. “Sorry!” She apologised again as she mopped up the water. She felt Emma come to hunch down in front of her. “I am ok. The water jug slipped. Trying to carry too much.”</p>
<p>“Robyn…”</p>
<p>“I am fine Emma. It just slipped.” She looked to the older woman. “I am fine.”</p>
<p>“Robyn…”</p>
<p>“Emma, leave it.” Robyn hissed at her manager, scowling at her. She looked over Emma’s head to Aiden who was still stood waiting in the hallway. “Aiden, sorry. You just startled me.”</p>
<p>“Sorry Robyn.” The first aid trainer was nearly sure she had seen him coming in the door and was so surprised with her reaction.</p>
<p>“It’s ok Aiden. Head on up. I will clean this up.”</p>
<p>“Aiden watch the jug on the bottom step.” Emma warned as she walked around Robyn to get another towel from the press to help clean up the large water spill.</p>
<p>“Thanks Emma.”</p>
<p>Once she was sure the trainer was out of ear shot, Emma pulled Robyn to her feet by her two wrists. “Call him.”</p>
<p>Robyn yanked her arms from Emma’s hands, bending down to finish cleaning up the spill.</p>
<p>“Robyn Quinn you go and you call him now.”</p>
<p>“No Emma. I am fine.” Robyn felt herself being hauled back up so she was standing face to face with her manager.</p>
<p>“You are not fine and have not been fine for the last two days. Jumpy, pale and spacing out on me? You need to call Taron.”</p>
<p>“No, I don’t.”</p>
<p>“Robyn…”</p>
<p>“No Emma.” Robyn almost shouted, stepping back into the kitchen, her shoes kicking some of the cups on the floor. “I am not calling him. He is working and working long hours on a very difficult set. He is already up to his eye with his own stuff, he doesn’t need to hear about my trivial day of training.”</p>
<p>“You froze yesterday over a simple nose bleed. This course is not going to be easy for you and Taron is the only person who truly understands how you are feeling and please give that wonderful man a little more credit than that Robyn. He obviously doesn’t think your worries are trivial when he made you stay with him one more night at his home to make sure you slept after you had a nightmare about the training you are about to undertake, looking after you the whole time.” Emma crossed her arms over her chest. “You know right well Robyn that he deserves so much more than silence from you about this weekend.”</p>
<p>“This course is one for day and after four is finished. I am not calling him to worry him over something that is going to be done soon.”</p>
<p>“Robyn…”</p>
<p>“No Emma!” Robyn yelled, her hands scraping down her face. “Just no. I am not calling him. I dropped a jug of water. That is all.”</p>
<p>“Hey Emma, Robyn.” One of the other six staff members taking the course walked in through the open door.</p>
<p>“Hi Lisa.” Robyn walked towards the kitchen door and picked up the wet towel, completely ignoring Emma. “All set for today?”</p>
<p>“Just about.”</p>
<p>Robyn followed Lisa towards the small locker room, slipping in past her co-worker to get to the washing machine to put the wet towel in. She knew Emma was only looking out for her but she refused to drag Taron into her one-day issue. Her heart dropped as she added the powder to the drawer. She had been horrible to Emma and she deserved none of her attitude. “Fuck.” She muttered to herself, slamming the door of the washing machine closed. Her mood was spiralling out of control and now as well as feeling tense and apprehensive about the training, she was angry at herself for how she had spoken to one of her best friends.</p>
<p>“Robyn?” She looked up to see Lisa standing near her. “You ok?”</p>
<p>“Yeah sorry.”</p>
<p>“No need to say sorry. Today is going to be tough for you right? I can’t imagine how you are feeling having to re-train in the CPR after what you did for your friend.”</p>
<p>Robyn’s word caught in her throat. “Yeah… I mean… yeah hard.” She gave Lisa a nod. “I am just going to get this machine going. Preschool is ready to go for the training.”</p>
<p>“Guess I will make my way up.”</p>
<p>Robyn was left alone and she moved to hide in the little alcove under the stairs, hunching down, her hands going into her hair again. She could feel her heart starting to race and not in the way she was used to when she was around Taron. This time it was a horrible tightening feeling, her whole body taking deep wheezy breathes as she could feel a panic building around her. She was disgusted at her own behaviour, feeling completely ashamed of how she was treating her best friends, how she was treating Taron, regarding him with no respect for all the time he had told her to lean on him, to call him whenever she needed, to let him in.</p>
<p>But she just couldn’t bring herself to call him. Not right now.</p>
<p>“I know I would have called in sick if I was her. Imagine trying to do the CPR after already using it in real life. Not easy.”</p>
<p>“Robyn would never call in sick but I do think she is going to struggle with today.”</p>
<p>“Probably means the training is going to run later too. We will probably end up stopping and starting for her.”</p>
<p>“Jade!”</p>
<p>“I just mean because she is going to need lots of breaks.”</p>
<p>The busy and loud conversation of the staff attending the training, rolled out into the hallway and up the stairs and Robyn found herself sitting down with her head on her knees, a tear rolling down her cheek. She pulled her phone from her pocket and hoovered over number four on her speed dial, Taron’s number pre-programmed in but dropped her hand and phone onto the floor, her head still hung in shame. She couldn’t bring herself to call him, to interrupt his concentration. He was finally settled into his newest job, feeling so much more confident in the script, finding a way to leave his day on set so he wasn’t lugging heavy emotions home with him. She dragged her hands from her hair and to her temples, rubbing them hard, trying to push her headache away.</p>
<p>“Robyn?”</p>
<p>She felt a hand on her knee and looing up saw Emma crouched down beside her.</p>
<p>“I am sorry.” Robyn whispered. “So sorry.”</p>
<p>“Hey, it is ok.”</p>
<p>Robyn felt her body being tucked into a hug. “Emma…”</p>
<p>“I don’t mean to push you Robyn. Really, I don’t but I hate seeing you like this and I know how great Taron is with you, how he has this knack for helping you and he deserves to know what is going on. He can help you through it all.” Emma rubbed her friends back slowly, that wonderful fragrant aftershave filling her nose with every breath she took. “Robyn you don’t have to do the training today.”</p>
<p>“If I don’t do it today, I will never do it.” Robyn breathed.</p>
<p>“Would it really be such a big deal to call him?”</p>
<p>“I can’t Emma.”</p>
<p>With a sigh, the older woman nodded. She knew the young woman in her arms so well, knew how obstinate she could be and it was Robyn herself who would have to admit she needed the help but inside she as so glad she had already called Taron, spoke to him herself. It was so clear Robyn was not going to make it through the day in one piece “You leave whenever you need too. Just walk out and if it gets too hard and you can’t do it, I am not going to think any less of you. I can’t even imagine what you are feeling.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Robyn let Emma help her to her feet.  “I am sorry for shouting at you in the kitchen.”</p>
<p>“Forget about it. I can’t imagine the stress you feel right now.”</p>
<p>“Just a tad but it still wasn’t right or fair on you. You didn’t deserve any of my frustrations about today.”</p>
<p>“It’s long forgotten.” Emma watched Robyn take some deep breaths. “Go and take five minutes to gather yourself. Maybe even text him? You don’t have to tell him about the training but at least to say good morning, wish him a good day? I will sort out the wash and get the girls settled in. Go outside, get some air and come upstairs in ten. Aiden will take a little while to finish setting up.”</p>
<p>“Ok. Thanks Emma.”</p>
<p>Without even looking at her manager, Robyn squeezed past her and made her way to the office, her bag still on the floor where she left it.</p>
<p>“Morning Robyn.”</p>
<p>The last staff member coming for the training walked by the door waving and Robyn did her best to acknowledge her as she dug in her bag for some tissues. She dropped her phone into the bag as she searched for the orange packet and once she found the tissues, Taron’s face stared at her from the pop socket still stuck on the back of her black case. She grabbed her phone too and headed out the front door, briskly walking over to her car and standing behind it, crouching down so she couldn’t be seen. She opened her phone with her fingerprint, a text from Taron waiting to be read from earlier that morning. She had seen it come through just before six when she was awake and was sure he sent it as he left for set. Opening it now, a simple heart emoji was all it read and it just enough for her head to fall forward. With trembling fingers, she sent back a love heart in return and locked her phone. It was all she could bring herself to do and stayed shivering outside for another fifteen minutes using the tissues to wipe falling years before she managed to pull herself together, changed her face to show no emotion, one she hadn’t had to use in such a long time and walked back towards the creche, punching in the code to let her in. She dropped her phone and packet of tissues back into her bag and took her glasses case out. With no sleep and tired eyes, she knew she was going to need her glasses for reading whatever materials Aiden was going to hand out for the course. Glasses in hand, she made her way up the stairs and to the preschool room.</p>
<p>All the staff were sitting chatting and when she strolled in, a silence fluttered in the room, Robyn taking her seat on the end of the row, the one nearest the door right beside Emma. She very much appreciated the little tap she felt on her leg from Emma’s leg, giving her own one back. Slipping her glasses on, she turned her attention the trainer at the top of the room.</p>
<p>“Right so let’s get started then.” Aiden went through the basic house rules, explaining how their day would run, promising to get finished on time, a little earlier if he could manage it. “So, you all probably noticed I am old school when it comes to training. I don’t go for projectors and laptops. I have given everybody a stapled handout which has all the course content from today and I will be working through it, giving practical examples as we go and then getting everyone to complete their own practical too. We will work in pairs for everything except the CPR which as you know from previous training, you have to complete by yourself. Now before we go on, I just need to double check for any medical reasons why anyone can’t do any part of the course.” When everyone shook their heads, Aiden continued. “And also, just to check has anyone had to use their first aid training before. Now I don’t mean a scraped knee or simple bump on the head as you find here in creche. Anything more serious.”</p>
<p>Robyn had been sitting with her legs crossed, Taron’s jumper pulled over her hands and she sat with her hands dug in between her knees, her eyes looking over Aiden’s head as he spoke. Without even looking to her left, she could feel every face turn her way one at a time, until seven pair of eyes stared at her. She glanced to Emma who gave her a very encouraging nod. Uncrossing her legs, she took her first look to the instructor, since she walked into the room.</p>
<p>“I erm…” She moved her hands to under her arms, trying to keep the heat in. “I well I…”</p>
<p>“Robyn?” Aiden used a soft voice to try and coax the clearly nervous woman in front of him. He knew from the moment he greeted her that morning that there was something very different about her, especially when she dropped the full jug of water in the hallway. Robyn always helped him set up his gear when he came to do the course at the creche in Kilcreen and was always full of chat but that morning she had been quiet, tense and very on edge. It seemed his instincts were correct as she stammered a nervy explanation.</p>
<p>“Last year, I got caught up in a shop robbery in Florida and helped out a man who had been shot with a bullet, using CPR to save his life before the paramedics arrived.”</p>
<p>“Wow.” Aiden didn’t really know how to response. Normally he got the answer of someone had been around when an arm was broken or been involved in a sports injury but it was so rare for some his trainees to have actually used the CPR that he taught. “What happened?”</p>
<p>“Wrong place wrong time.” Robyn shrugged, her eyes to the floor, her voice quiet. “Just happened to be in the store as it was held up by some men with guns, who had no problem in firing some shots off. The man, Taron…” Robyn offered up his name with some hesitation. “Taron had been hit by a rouge bullet and then a shelf full of glass candles collapsed on him.” She shuffled in her chair. “I went to help him and his friend. He had lost a lot of blood from the wound on his arm from the bullet, had some badly damaged ribs and many cuts and bruises caused from glass. He was pretty beaten up and as the time wore on, slowly deteriorated.” Robyn could have heard a pin drop in the room. Although she knew the staff of the creche had a vague idea of what she had done, none had ever really heard her spoken so open about what she had actually done. “We sat together for about nine hours before the paramedics actually arrived but just as they got to us, Taron lost consciousness, stopped breathing. It was pure adrenaline that got me through it.”</p>
<p>“How long did you have to do the CPR?” Aiden asked genuinely interested. As a trained paramedic too, he was always captivated by those who had been involved in such lifesaving instances.</p>
<p>“Not long. One full round, with breathes and then seven more compressions.” Robyn closed her eyes, trying to keep herself calm, breathing in that soothing scent from Taron’s jumper. “He came through right after that.”</p>
<p>“Any secondary injuries?” Aiden asked taking some steps closer to her.</p>
<p>Robyn shook her head. “Some bruising on his chest, my hands but nothing else.” She felt a hand on her knee and looked up to see Aiden crouched down in front of her.</p>
<p>“Remarkable thing CPR isn’t it?” He asked her with a very kind voice. “You just do what you have to do but it is only after that the reality of what happened sinks in and it is something that doesn’t just go away. It stays with you too and I hate to tell you this but always will.” He placed a second hand on knee. “And how was the man after? Tommy?”</p>
<p>“Taron.” Robyn corrected.</p>
<p>“Taron. How was he?”</p>
<p>“He was fine. Few days in hospital, few weeks of recovery but absolutely fine.”</p>
<p>“You still keep in contact with him?”</p>
<p>It was the first time since she started to explain about what happened that Robyn lifted her eyes to meet Aiden’s brown ones. “He is my best friend.” She whispered.</p>
<p>Aiden grinned a little. “Good to have you around then I guess.” He joked, so glad to see a small smile on her face. “How long since it happened?”</p>
<p>“It’s a year this August.”</p>
<p>“If you need a break, just go.” He said with pure seriousness in his voice. “No one will think any less of you if it gets too much. Let’s take one section at a time alright? It was my plan to do the CPR before lunch anyway so after there is a decent break. I don’t want you to rush into it and you are under no pressure to do it Robyn, alright? I know it is not easy. It is bloody hard and even being in this room after what you have done, is such an accomplishment.”</p>
<p>Feeling so thankful for the experience and understanding of the man in front of her, Robyn nodded. It was the kind of empathetic knowledge and consideration she desperately needed from the trainer.</p>
<p>“Does he know about the training today?” Aiden asked as gently as he could, looking to Emma as Robyn shook her head, her eyes darting to the floor again. “So, like I said, you need a break, just go. It won’t go against your cert at the end of the day.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Aiden.”</p>
<p>The instructor stood up and headed back to the top of the room. “That is why we do this.” He said the strength and serious returning to his voice. “What Robyn did is why we teach this course, why it is so important for us to learn these skills. I know we are under no obligation to use what we know and what we have learnt but Robyn is a prime example of why we should. She saved a man’s life and I can guarantee he is more than thankful for what she did. Now, let’s get started with what is first aid.”</p>
<p>Robyn tuned Aiden out for the first half an hour of the course, her eyes still on the floor, her hands pulling at a loose strand in the sleeve of Taron’s jumper. Shaking and with her stomach churning horribly with nerves, she hated having to speak out about what happened but knew it was needed for those around to understand why she might get up and leave and Aiden had been so considerate of her and she knew it was going to make her day a tiny bit easier. Only a tiny bit because everything else in front of her was terrifying. Trying to focus on the course and the facts Aiden was telling them about strokes, Robyn struggled so very hard to think about anything else except Taron, the CPR and upcoming skills she would have to show.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As the car passed over the Irish border, Taron wished he could stop his legs from shaking. They hopped up and down uncomfortably as he sat in the back of the blacked-out car. He had only been in the car for forty minutes but it felt so much longer and he was kicking himself for not following through with his own instincts and left Belfast earlier, arriving in Kilcreen before Robyn had even left her house. He had already given Emma a quick call to let her know he was on the way, but she hadn’t even seen Robyn yet so he had no idea how she was. The simple love heart emoji he got back in reply to his, lifted his spirits a little to know his Robyn was in there somewhere but he was still so overly concerned about her. Taron knew he should have been using the long car journey to sort his thoughts out, what he was going to say to her without causing an argument because he knew for certain that as soon as she saw him her defensives were going to go up but he prayed after everything they had been through, she would see why he came to her however he just didn’t know how he was going to start the conversation with her and his thoughts were so jumbled in his head and he was finding it so hard to not to go straight to those annoyances he was feeling.</p>
<p>He loved Robyn, there was no doubt in his mind about that but the way she shut him out was really frustrating him when he had opened nearly every part of him to her. Where he thought he was beginning to understand her, how she was opening up more to him, letting him in, sharing such horrid stories of her time with another man, the fact that she hadn’t told him about her first aid training when she knew about it was just ridiculous to him and he couldn’t his head around why. It was so clearly one of the reasons why she was having such sickening dreams again and surely talking to someone about what was going on her life would ease the pressure she constantly put on herself. He just needed to make sure he didn’t say the wrong thing, especially not when she had to complete the CPR training. He just wanted her to know he was there for her, no matter what her reaction would be to be, provided he found way to keep his own cool, even if fiery Robyn came out to him. Though at the same time, he needed her to understand that the way she had shut him out had really upset him.</p>
<p>“How long left?” He asked the driver in front of him.</p>
<p>“Maybe an hour? Depends on the traffic Taron.”</p>
<p>“Any chance…”</p>
<p>“I promised Matthew I would get you there safe Taron and am already going over the speed limit a tad.”</p>
<p>“Sorry.”</p>
<p>“I will get you there Taron but I will get your there unscathed and in one piece.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>Taron shuffled down in the seat, wrapping his arms around himself, his head resting on the back of the seat. His sleep had been restless, waking every ten to fifteen minutes as he clock watched just waiting for the alarm to go off but he was up and showered, ready and waiting to go before the alarm buzzed. Dressed in a black tank top, dark blue short sleeved summer checked shirt and black jeans, he felt a chill all over as he sat on the back seat. Probably not the best outfit to be wearing but he got dressed half asleep and was too nervous and jittery to change. He had managed to grab his hat and pair of sunglasses and slipped both on, the natural daylight hurting very tired eyes. Shivering, letting out a cold breath, he rubbed his bare arms up and down.</p>
<p>“Cold?” The driver asked. “Want me to turn on the heat for a while?”</p>
<p>“Please, if you don’t mind.”</p>
<p>“Sure. Typical Irish summer weather. Rain, rain and more rain.”</p>
<p>Taron nodded, hearing the whirl of the heater as it was turned on. It would take a couple of minutes before it reached him, before the car became warm, so he continued to rub his arms up and down trying to generate some self-made heat. He hadn’t brought a jumper with him and he didn’t even remember stuffing one in his pack, not too sure if he even put underwear in. It was such a rush, so late last night as he packed and he was so tired. Now as the car heated up, he could feel his eyes closing behind his sunglasses. His head tilted to the left so he was leaning a little against the window and the gentle noise of the car on the motorway and the increasing heat was comfortable and sleep crept into him.</p>
<p>He woke a little startled as the car jolted, the driver immediately apologising to Taron.</p>
<p>“Arsehole braked suddenly. Sorry Taron.”</p>
<p>“No worries. No harm done.” He pulled his sunglasses off, and rubbed his eyes, feeling a little worse after his sleep. “How long till we are in Kilcreen?” He asked slipping his glasses back on.</p>
<p>“Just there now.” The driver answered and Taron looked out the window immediately recognising the turn off that led to Robyn’s work, having walked down it in the blazing heat. He sat up straight in the seat, his previous chill replaced by a sudden sweat. The time he had hoped to use to prepare what he was going to say to Robyn had been spent sleeping and he was no more clear on what he wanted to say to her, starting to feel very anxious about turning up at her work once again without warning. Last time Robyn had welcomed him with open arms and wonderful tight hug but he wasn’t too sure that was the reception he was going to be met with his time.</p>
<p>The creche appeared in his eyeline as the car made its way toward the small car park in front and Robyn’s car was there parked up along with a many others, guessing the training was in full swing. Heart thumping and mind racing, Taron got out of the car, thanking the driver for bringing him to Robyn and waited for the car to pull away before he stepped up the door, his bag swung over his shoulder. Feeling a little de ja vu, he didn’t hesitate to press the doorbell. He had come to stand with Robyn and be her strong emotional support because he knew without a doubt she was going to need it whether she wanted to admit to it or not but in his heart he knew this time, Robyn needed to understand that her actions had most definitely burned him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. “One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first three hours of the course weren’t too bad and Aiden’s way of teaching with stories and jokes, kept everyone’s attention and the practical examples and breaks in between each vocal lecture, made the atmosphere light and relaxed, Robyn so thankful for his simple way of getting everyone involved through practice. So far it was the sling that she struggled with, trying to tie the knot over Emma’s left shoulder with shaking hands, cursing as she couldn’t get the sling to sit right, the material much too loose, Emma’s supposed broken arm not supported at all.</p>
<p>“I know you can do this Robyn. I have seen you make one before.” Aiden was supportive and patient.</p>
<p>“Sorry.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to apologise to me.” Aiden replied as he lined Emma’s arm up so Robyn could make the sling again, standing beside her. “Just take your time and don’t over think it.”</p>
<p>Robyn shook her hands out and took the triangle material from him. “I had to make one for Taron.” She explained as she ran the material under Emma’s arm. “Had to cut it off too.” She added quietly, bringing the second half of the material up so she could tie it again, making sure to keep it pulled tight so the arm didn’t droop.</p>
<p>“You really kept in contact with him?” Aiden asked, nodding as he checked the sling. “Perfect.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. We have seen each other a lot.”</p>
<p>“That’s definitely one way to help deal with all the emotions that come with what you did.”</p>
<p>Robyn nodded. “It’s just always with me you know? Flashes, images, dreams.”</p>
<p>“You ever talk to someone about what happened?” Aiden asked her very quietly, seeing her shake her head. “Might be something to think about. I know someone. Works with the paramedics. I think she would be great for you.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. “Right free your partners from their slings and let’s switch.”</p>
<p>Robyn sat down on the chair, letting Emma manipulate her arm in whatever way she wanted too, not paying attention to what she was doing. The easy stuff was covered first; simple first aid, anything that could be seen within a creche, practical tasks such as bandages and slings. First aid that didn’t really require too much concentration but the hard one was coming up fast and as Emma took her arm from the sling, Aiden said the dreaded words Robyn had not been looking forward to hearing.</p>
<p>“CPR next. I like to get it done before lunch, giving us a good hour and half to cover and concentrate on the theory before we then carry out the practical. We will cover adult, child and baby CPR and then take some time for lunch. We can do half an hour for lunch and finish half an hour early or take the hour lunch and finish on time. I don’t mind but we will complete all the CPR before lunch. That will be done and dusted for us then. So, let’s take a quick five-minute break and we will get going. I just need to set everything up.”</p>
<p>Robyn sat back on her chair and curling her hands under her arms again, she let a breath from her lungs. It was the start of what she hoped was her taking control of her nerves, of her worries and anxiety which quickly had settled in her stomach again. She had made it through the start of the morning but wasn’t too sure about how the next part of the training was going to go. She closed her eyes but immediately opened them again as a vision of a bloodied Taron sat behind her closed eye lids, the mirage staying with her. Since the middle of the week, she had been seeing such ugly hallucinations of Taron during her waking hours and as she watched Aiden set up the first of the adult mannequins, it wasn’t a boring old plastic doll that came out of the bag but Taron’s lifeless body being pulled out. Her scream was silent but no one could miss how she sprang up from the chair, the legs of the chair scraping noisily off the floor, how she stumbled backwards, nearly falling over the child sized chair. She took four more steps back, trying to get away from the heart-breaking disturbing imagine in her mind, her beautiful Taron pale and battered as he lay on the ground.</p>
<p>“Robyn?” Emma moved towards her friend, concerned with the loss of colour from her face and how she was still moving backwards. She had been waiting for a reaction all morning and it was the appearance of the CPR mannequins that brought the same distraught and flustered movements like earlier when she dropped the jug of water. She tentatively took another step but stopped when she heard the doorbell ring, her head moving toward the open door, an immediate sense of relief fill her as she knew who was at the front door and it was the one person who she knew could only get through to Robyn right at the moment.</p>
<p>“I’ll go and answer it.” Lisa said, making a move from her seat.</p>
<p>“Robyn why don’t you go and answer the door.” Emma stood in Lisa’s way, stopping her from going any further. “Take some time downstairs.”</p>
<p>She didn’t need to be asked twice, so happy to have an excuse to leave the stuffy and heated room, running down the stairs, feeling that unpleasant tightening in her chest as she reached the end of the stairs. Now that she was on the first floor of the building, away from the fear of what was upstairs, Robyn did not want to ever go near the preschool room for the rest of the day. The appearance of the actual mannequin was too much for her and her mind was running wild with terrible and disgusting thoughts. Thoroughly embarrassed by her actions upstairs in front of her work colleagues, she couldn’t bear to face them and walked to the front door, pressing the door release button, pulling the door open, stepping out to greet whoever was outside.</p>
<p>The person on the footpath was standing with their back to her and as they turned around, Robyn stepped back, walking into the edge of the door, her previous lightly shaking hands now trembling, her heart falling to her feet as it picked up a serious pace.</p>
<p>“Taron.” She stammered, completely shocked at his sudden appearance at her work, on a Saturday when he was supposed to be in Belfast filming.</p>
<p>“Hey Robyn.” He stood back from the door, taking his sunglasses off, lifting his hat a little.</p>
<p>“What… what are you…” Robyn’s words were caught in her throat. “How are…” Tears pooled in her eyes but her whole body was stiff in shock. “Taron…” She took a single pace forward, the door slamming behind her, stopping once again, trying to believe that he was there. “I don’t… How…”</p>
<p>“You are too damn good at keeping secrets.” He said to her, keeping his voice as calm as he could. “You think maybe the fact that you had a first aid training course with CPR was something you could have shared with me?” He asked. “Maybe leaned on me just a little? Let me in?”</p>
<p>“Taron…”</p>
<p>“The CPR was something that we both went through. Granted I don’t remember the CPR but it is the reason I am standing here talking to you. I had bruises the same shape as your hands on my chest for nearly two weeks afterwards. We have gone through a lot together and I know I lean on you a lot, have needed your comfort and care perhaps more than you need mine but it does not mean that I deserve to be thrown to the side when something as important as your first aid training comes up, especially when you have known about it for so long. I get it Robyn. I know you are independent and a strong woman and I admire that so much about you but you are only hurting yourself by closing up and honestly me too.” Taron took his hat from his head. “I don’t need to explain to you how much you mean to me and lately we have promised each other to be open and communicate so just let me say one thing.” He stepped a little closer to her. “The fact that you couldn’t tell me that you had your fist aid training has really hurt me Robyn. It’s the one thing that brought us together, what you did for me and you couldn’t even bring yourself to talk to me about the fact that you were upskilling in the thing that saved my life. You were determined to go head first into it without question and knowing you wouldn’t even let me know about it just stung me which I think is quite obvious when I am standing here in front of you and you didn’t even know I was coming. Emma called me yesterday.” He added. “Told me you were struggling. Asked me to come.”</p>
<p>The shame she had been feeling earlier as she hid under the stairs, doubled and Robyn couldn’t even look at him, feeling the tears drip down her nose. She could hear the hurt in his tone and when his elegant Welsh accent slipped in through his deep voice, it was so clearly full of anger that he was trying his best to hide with a cool and calm composure. Robyn knew very well she deserved every bit of his chastising and she was utterly mortified with how she had treated him, even more when he came to Kilcreen because Emma had called him.</p>
<p>“I would have been here in a heartbeat for you had you of asked me. To try and do this by yourself? Putting yourself under so much stress and pressure? To be expected to just act as if everything is ok when you put your hands on that mannequin and just do what you did for me without shaking or reliving the pain of what you have already gone through? You really wanted to do all of this without any support? Without a friend? When the dreams and nightmares are already haunting you? No wonder they are back Robyn. I just have never met someone who is out to sabotage themselves so much, insisting on ploughing through and I just don’t know how you do it and I just don’t know if I can do this again. I can’t care so much for you and worry about you when you won’t give me the respect I think I deserve after all this time.”</p>
<p>Taron had to stop speaking. He could feel other words on the tip of his tongue and needed to hold back before something was said that he didn’t mean. He didn’t want to lay everything on her in one go, wanting to be as tactful as he could despite the fact now that he was here, he felt so much more let down by her than he had as he sat in the car.</p>
<p>He waited for backlash he was sure he was going to get, fiery Robyn who always went for the reporters who attacked him but she never appeared. He was certain that at any moment she was going to lift her head and use her words to tell him what she really thought, but she stood still, her head still bent. Only then did he realise that she was wearing her glasses and his jumper, the one he had given her in Paris and as he took one more step closer to her, could smell his aftershave and knowing he hadn’t sprayed any on himself, it was Robyn who smelt like him. She still had to look at him, to lift her head and for the first time, it was a completely different woman who stood in front of him. Sure, he had seen Robyn emotionally upset but he had never seen her broken.</p>
<p>“Robyn?” He asked moving closer to her but the door of the creche opened and Robyn who had been leaning against the door, fell slightly backwards and immediately felt a strong hand take her wrist to stop her from falling over.</p>
<p>“Shit sorry Robyn. Didn’t see you there.”</p>
<p>Jade was desperate for a smoke and was routing through her coat pocket for her lighter as she pressed the catch release button for the door, not looking as she opened the door and was standing in a slight shock with who was holding onto Robyn’s arm, preventing her from falling into the hallway.</p>
<p>“It’s ok Jade. They haven’t started yet?” Robyn tried to keep her voice level and strong as she answered one of staff members.</p>
<p>“Nah. Told us to take fifteen. We were waiting for you to come…” Jade stopped mid-sentence. “I am going to go and have my smoke now.” The young girl almost took to a run to get away from the door, heading straight for the green grass past the parked cars.</p>
<p>“What’s next in your training?” Taron asked softly, still holding on to Robyn’s wrist, feeling how she was trembling.</p>
<p>“CPR.” Robyn whispered, still not able to bring herself to look at him.</p>
<p>“Can we go inside?” He asked, seeing Robyn nod. She shook her hand free from his and walked around him to type the code into the box, avoiding even brushing off him as she moved back to the door, holding it open for him to step inside. Once in, he waited for her to take the lead, following her into the office. “Mind if I close the door?” He asked, still waiting for Robyn to speak to him, even look at him but at the moment all he was getting was the tiniest of body movements from her. He kicked the door stop away and let the door close. Once the door was closed, he dropped his bag on the floor, his sunglasses and hat on top and turned to her. The space between them reminded him so much of the time Robyn came to New York to confront him but this wasn’t what he wanted to do. He didn’t want the space, the awkward silence and the clear distress he could see on her beautiful face. He needed to her know her actions were somewhat selfish and he really had been wounded by her thought process but he didn’t want her to be suffering any more than she needed to be. “Robyn?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Robyn dropped into her chair, her head going straight to her hands, battling with her breathing, trying to inhale through sobs which filled her whole body. She hated hearing Taron speak the way he did, how it was so clear in his voice that he was so upset with her, disappointed with her and she knew he had every right to be. He had always told her he would be there for her and this was the one time she should have leaned on him, should have been honest with him and she hated how she had behaved and treated him with such disrespect.</p>
<p>It was horrible to watch her crumble and it wasn’t what he was expecting from her. He really thought he was going to have a battle on his hands but instead his strong and fierce Robyn was in bits and his whole heart fizzled from anger to immediate concern and knelt in front of her, his hands on her knees, still feeling her shaking. “Robyn.”</p>
<p>“So sorry.”</p>
<p>“Shh. Come here to me.” He crawled a little closer to her and opened his arms a little but she didn’t even move to take him up on his hug. “Robyn?”</p>
<p>“I can’t.” She managed to stutter out.</p>
<p>“A hug?”</p>
<p>“I don’t deserve anything. I have been so horrible to you.” She took her hands from her face, finally looking to him. Beautiful and concerned, those deep green eyes filled with nothing but worry for her and she shook her head at him.</p>
<p>“Robyn, no.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She insisted. “Of all the people in my life who have been consistent and there and done such wonderful things for me, it has been you and I just treat you with such disrespect and ignorance and Jesus Taron, you are worth so much more than me and my pathetic mess.” She ran her hands roughly over her face. “I couldn’t even tell you about the training in London, didn’t have the decency to call you and tell you. What does that say about me, about how I feel about you but then you still come to me, even after I have been so horrendous to you.”</p>
<p>“Robyn…”</p>
<p>“You don’t need my shitty mess Taron.”</p>
<p>“I happen to like your shitty mess.” He answered her. “Because if it wasn’t for you and this training you have today, I wouldn’t be here.” He gently took her hands. “I came here because you needed someone and Emma was worried about you but also because I needed to make sure you understood that you can’t keep doing this to me. You know me well enough now Robyn to know I am a pretty emotional person but even being a man, I can be hurt by someone’s actions too.” He gave her hands a tight squeeze. “You need to know that what you did by not telling me was really unfair on me and I am not telling this to make you feel any more guilt than you already do. You are not burdening me in anyway when you need to tell me these things. Robyn today is such a big day for you and you cannot be expected to face it alone and I think I did deserve to know what you were facing. You really thought I would never have found out?” He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Just out to destroy yourself.” He muttered. “You will not do this again, you hear me?” He said his voice louder and stronger. “I am right here and I want to be here for you. What happened in Florida happened to both of us and doing this CPR today is crushing you.”</p>
<p>“Sorry.” Robyn spluttered through tears which were still falling from her eyes, her breathing still fast and harsh.</p>
<p>“I know you are sweetheart. I know. I am going to hug you now and you are going to hug me back.” Taron knelt up to his full height and slipped his arms around her and once he brought her body into his, he felt her fully collapse against him, gut wrenching cries leaving her and she sobbed onto his shoulder. “You cannot keep doing this to yourself because as strong as you are, at some point you are going to break down.” He wrapped her in a tight comforting hug. “I would much rather come and see you in Kilcreen, then in a hospital bed. I love you to pieces and always will but please remember that at the end of the day, I do deserve respect and to treated as your equal.”</p>
<p>Robyn couldn’t stop her body from quivering as she hugged Taron, or the tears from falling from her eyes. All the emotion that had built up over the last few days, the stress of facing her first aid training was finally coming out and she felt so terrible to be burdening it all on Taron, when it could have easily been avoided if she had of just practised what she preached in using her words. The comfort she always found in his arms was still there despite the fact he was a little angry at her and when he ran his whole hands up and down her back, consoling her, she only buried her face deeper into his neck.</p>
<p>“You have already let me in so much. Don’t close up on me now. Nothing is going to scare me away from you. I love your massages way too much.” He was so relieved to feel her body move as she laughed a little.</p>
<p>“Yours are ok too.” She replied. She still felt extremely upset and disgusted with her behaviour and pulled Taron closer to her. “I will never treat you like this again. Taron you have no idea how much I am repulsed by the way I have conducted myself and I have the upmost respect and regard for you. You are one of my best friends. I will never be able to forgive myself for what I have done to you.”</p>
<p>“Stress and trauma always make people do things out of character. I know this isn’t you.” He moved to lightly kiss her neck, trying not to smile as he smelt his aftershave lingering on his jumper which she wore. “Let’s just take some time for you to calm down. I can feel you still shaking and before you ask, I have the whole weekend free to be here for you.”</p>
<p>“Taron…”</p>
<p>“You need me and I am right here.” Taron tightened his arms around her. “That is all you need to know right now.”</p>
<p>Robyn sank into his body and although she knew she wasn’t fully forgiven for what she did to him, he was there and she couldn’t fathom before he arrived how much she actually did need him. She could hear his heart racing and was sure it matched hers.</p>
<p>It took her a while to ease her grip around him and as she moved back into her chair, she kissed his cheek lightly. She pulled her glasses from her face and left them on her desk, finally getting to rub tired and wet eyes and when she brought her hands away, a tissue was waiting for her.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Always.”</p>
<p>“I am sorry.”</p>
<p>“I know chicken.”</p>
<p>“I am trying.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“I will try harder.”</p>
<p>“And trust in me.”</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>Both of their heads turned when there was a knock on the office door.</p>
<p>“Robyn?” Emma popped her head in. Seeing Taron on his knees in front of Robyn and her red eyes, she was a little worried but so glad to see them together. “Hi Taron.”</p>
<p>“Hey Emma.”</p>
<p>“Aiden wants to carry on but we were waiting for you. He said there was no pressure on coming back upstairs.”</p>
<p>“She will be there.” Taron replied firmly. “Tell him to start and we will make our way upstairs.”</p>
<p>“Robyn?” Emma saw the deer in headlights look on her face but also caught the smallest of nods. “Ok well, see you upstairs.”</p>
<p>When the door closed, Robyn looked to Taron. “I can’t.”</p>
<p>“Yes you can.”</p>
<p>“When Aiden, the trainer, pulled the mannequin from the bag, I saw you instead. Bloodied and battered. It’s all I have been seeing since the middle of the week.” Robyn knew she had to be open and honest with him from now on and even speaking about the visions caused a nasty shiver to run through her.</p>
<p>“Did you sleep last night?” He asked her.</p>
<p>“No and not because of nightmares. I was just awake.” She lifted her right to cup his left cheek, feeling a little chill to his skin, those dark black circles she hated to see under his eyes. “Did you sleep?”</p>
<p>“We were shooting late this morning and like you I was just awake.”</p>
<p>Robyn dropped her hand from his face. “Because of me.” She felt her chin being lifted so she had to look at him.</p>
<p>“We are not going to take any steps backwards and lets quickly address these new visions of me you are having.” Taron saw the instant flicker of fear in her eyes. “Like every dream or nightmare you have ever had, it isn’t real. I am real and I am alive and well and very much here in front you with a beating heart and taking in air.” He lifted her right hand to his heart. “As always. It is going to be hard. You know that but if you don’t do it now when you have the opportunity, you will never do it again.”</p>
<p>“Taron I can’t do it.” She took her hand away from his chest and held them out to him. Trembling so fast, she couldn’t gain control of her nerves. “It’s too hard.”</p>
<p>“Robyn Quinn, you have never been one to walk away from something that is hard. You walked up to Frank in that store while he held a gun to one of the workers and talked him down. You stood up to him when he shoved you into a glass shelf and you set off a concoction of coke and mentos while risking your life to get the back door open to save everyone in that shop, especially me. You have sassed every reporter who has ever given me grief and slapped that dickhead on New Year’s Eve across the face when he tried to grab you. You even opened up to me and let me in two weekends ago when you had that horrible nightmare. Going upstairs and doing two rounds of CPR on a plastic mannequin is nothing compared to anything else you have ever done.” He grabbed her hands and pressed both flat against his chest. “If it wasn’t hard, it wouldn’t be worth doing and believe me, out of everyone here, I know why you need to follow this through because if you don’t you are going to feel ten times worse than you do now. It is one part of the day, an hour or so and then it will be done and this pressure you feel will ease off. It won’t go because I know you and this will always be you, but you must do this for yourself. No one else but yourself.” He pulled up his black tank top so her right hand was on the bare skin of his chest. “I will be here with you for every step and the only thing that will ever stop this heart from beating will be the day you stop giving me a head massage.”</p>
<p>Her laugh was broken, her face was pale and white and he knew she was completely spooked, her hand shaking against his chest. He placed his two hands over her one. “I am going to be right beside you and by God Robyn Rose Quinn you will lean on me or I am going to stop adding to your Care Bear collection.”</p>
<p>She finally smiled at him but tears followed and he moved his hands to her cheeks to wipe them away with his thumbs. “Ok.”</p>
<p>“Ok?” He questioned.</p>
<p>“Ok.”</p>
<p>“That’s my girl.” He wrapped his arms around her again, kissing her cheek. “We will take five more minutes and then head up, together.”</p>
<p>“Ok. I am so so sorry Taron.”</p>
<p>“I know darling and you don’t have to apologise any more. I forgive you for all the craziness you have been up too. I think we have cancelled each others craziness out. Fresh start from right now.” He felt her nod into his shoulder and smiled when her hand crept up to the back his neck and into his hair. It was a simple gesture of an emotional truce between them and as he ran his hands up and down her back, only now that his mind had somewhat cleared, he could feel her warmth soaking into him and it was so lovely when that cold he was feeling the car earlier made the hairs on his arms stand up now.</p>
<p>“Taron?” Robyn felt the shiver fill his upper body and she moved away from his placing her hands on his upper arms, instantly feeling the chill on his soft skin. “You are cold. I don’t think I have ever felt you cold before.”</p>
<p>He gave her a half smile. “I am getting used this Irish summer thing.” He shrugged, very much enjoying how she was running her hands up and down his arms trying to rub some heat into him. “My outfit although should be suited for June, really isn’t.”</p>
<p>Robyn nodded taking in his shirt sleeved shirt and low-cut tank top. She was not used to feeling the difference in temperature on him and did not like it at all. “Here.” She sat back on her chair and pulled his jumper off. “Take this. You are frozen.” She handed it to him.</p>
<p>“No.” Taron pushed it back her way. “You will be cold and you are going to need the heat in you for when you go upstairs.”</p>
<p>Robyn handed him his jumper again, almost shoving it into his hands as he reluctantly took it and then she stood up and moved to the back of the door where a navy-blue fleece hung. “I have this.” She took it down and came to stand beside him, Taron now on his feet beside her. “It’s a work fleece but it’s mine and I always keep it on the back of the door just in case something happens.” She pulled her arms in and zipped up the fleece, the logo of the creche on the left-hand breast of the warm fleece. “You put your jumper on. I have a feeling I am going to need my human electric blanket before this hour is up.”</p>
<p>Taron didn’t need any more convincing and quickly pulled his jumper on, remembering why he loved it so much as the soft material covered his arms, still heated from Robyn’s body and it was glorious on his cold body. His smiled a little as along with his aftershave on the jumper was the faintest scent of feminine body spray there too. It felt wonderful to have the warm knitted material on his arms and he fixed the jumper so it sat right on his frame. “Have you stretched this?” He asked, with a soft smile. “It’s looser than I remember.”</p>
<p>Robyn would never be able to describe in words how much Taron meant to her, how much love she had for the man in front of her who now looked like she felt. Just drained and ready to hit the floor with emotional exhaustion but he was doing his very best to keep his face bright, the mood around her light and took two steps to him. “I have done nothing to that jumper except wear it with love.”</p>
<p>“You sure?”</p>
<p>“Last time you wore this, well how do I put this.” Robyn tilted her head, trying to find the right words to explain it to him. “You were just finished filming Kingsman so obviously had a different body shape than you do now.” She stalled, her face squinting with her choice of words. “I mean because you haven’t been hitting the gym so hard, you have lost a lot of the muscle you had and…” Robyn stopped speaking. “I am going to be quiet now before I get myself into trouble.”</p>
<p>“Well, I guess that would make sense. It has been a while since I have worn this.” Taron ran his hands down the front of jumper. “And it is very true. I definitely don’t have my Kingsman physic.”</p>
<p>“I never said I didn’t like it.” Robyn quickly said, biting her lip as the words fell from her mouth before she could stop herself. “I mean… I just… Aww Jesus…”</p>
<p>“And at last I get a taste of your word vomit. I don’t get it very often at all and thank you Robyn and for the jumper too. I was definitely feeling cold.”</p>
<p>“Anytime.” With the light hearted atmosphere quickly leaving the office, Robyn looked to Taron. “I guess… Maybe I… I mean we… I think we should…”</p>
<p>Taron took the step closer to her and was so glad to get a hug in which he could get a good squish in. When he was kneeling down it was so hard to hug her properly. “I know you can do this and get through this. I push you because I know you are strong and resilient but if you reach the point of complete and utter mental breakdown upstairs you just say rocketman to me and I will take your hand and we will walk out of the room together.”</p>
<p>“Ok.” Robyn agreed. Her heart had slowed down but now it raced again as the time actually came to face her fears upstairs.</p>
<p>“I got you the whole time and when the CPR is done, I am staying with you for the rest of the course. Maybe I will learn a thing or two.”</p>
<p>“Taron you don’t have to do that.”</p>
<p>“I know but I am. You stood by my side without a second thought at my premier although I know you were shitting yourself and I am going to do the same for you right here.”</p>
<p>“When once again I am shitting myself.” Robyn pealed herself away from his safe and secure arms. “It is not going to be easy on you either.”</p>
<p>Taron nodded his head in agreement. “No, it’s not and I know that and watching you suffer through it makes it just as tough for me. I don’t remember the CPR. I have seen the CCTV footage and know what you did but seeing the actions up close, it makes my heart race just as fast as yours.”</p>
<p>Robyn placed her hands on Taron’s shoulders. “I never even thought about how this training could affect you.”</p>
<p>“In it together right?”</p>
<p>“Always.” She agreed, reaching past him to pick up her glasses and slip them back onto her face.  </p>
<p>“Let’s go then.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. “When you really love someone, you see all their mess and their brokenness and you love them anyway. In fact, seeing all of that sort of makes you love them more.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey all,<br/>This add gets a bit angsty and also just wanted to say that the first aid stuff is my own knowledge from doing many first aid courses over the years so I have made it as real and accurate as I can.<br/>Suze xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robyn let Taron pull the door open and she pushed the door stopper back in, and immediately went for his left hand to hold it tight in her right, her fingers linking with his. Although she was leading the way, he kept right in time with her steps and once they reached the landing at the top of the stairs, he felt how she stiffened a bit and with a little pull on her hand, got her beside him again. He could hear the male voice speaking and followed it, stepping first into the large playroom, Robyn right behind him.</p>
<p>Naturally everyone stopped what they were doing when he walked in the door, every one looking his way and then to Robyn who came to his side. Working in pairs, the group had started on what to do if a baby was choking and Aiden was talking them through the technique but a silence filled the room with the unexpected face.</p>
<p>“So, make sure you only use two fingers of one hand for the chest thrusts for the baby who is choking and make sure the back slaps are good hard ones. At the end of the day, a choking baby needs the force of the slaps. Getting the baby breathing is number one priority. Secondary injuries come later. Let’s keep working on this for a few minutes, switching over before we move on.” Aiden quickly got the group back working on the baby mannequins as Robyn timidly came back into the room, almost hiding behind the man in front. Once sure everyone was doing what they were supposed to be doing, he walked over to the two. “Robyn?”</p>
<p>“This is Taron.” Robyn said to him, seeing the quick look of astonishment on Aiden’s face, the paramedic covering it quickly.</p>
<p>“Taron, nice to meet you.” He held out his hand to shake Taron’s, who happily exchanged the gesture. “Heard some amazing things about you.” He said leaning his hip on the shelf to his left.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Taron asked making sure he had his hand firmly in Robyn’s again as she stood close beside him. “I am sure some were over exaggerated.” He joked</p>
<p>“Hit with a bullet and survived CPR?” Aiden rose an eyebrow waiting for Taron’s response, seeing the young man smile a little. “In my experience, it is not always such a happy ending when it comes to CPR. You were a very lucky man.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely.” Taron agreed, looking to Robyn but he turned back to the instructor. “I hope you don’t mind me crashing your course.”</p>
<p>“Not in the slightest. You are more than welcome and I won’t use you as an example. I think everyone here knows what Robyn did for you.”</p>
<p>Taron nodded. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Aiden looked to Robyn. “You fit yourself in where you want.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Aiden.”</p>
<p>Still gripping Taron’s hand, Robyn headed back to the chair she had been sitting on. “Let me get you a chair.” Letting go his hand, she moved into the smaller playroom to take down a small wooden blue coloured chair and carried it in for him, placing it beside hers.</p>
<p>“Really?” He said to her with a small smile, moving closer to her ear to whisper so no one could hear. “You really think I am going to sit on this and fit?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Robyn answered him, smiling a little at the doubt on his face. “You will be fine.” Robyn sat down her little chair, feeling the hesitation from Taron as he sat down on the wooden chair more suited for children, smiling once he was fully seated. “All good.”</p>
<p>“Please don’t laugh if I break this.”          </p>
<p>“You won’t. I have never broken one.”</p>
<p>“You are a lot smaller than me.”</p>
<p>“You are perfect the way you are.” Robyn said to him firmly so glad she had placed his chair very close to her so their legs were touching.</p>
<p>Taron looked over her to head to the staff of Robyn’s creche working on practising on the baby mannequins learning how to help a very small child who was choking, feeling his heart pick up a few beats as his eyes followed their movements. It wasn’t something he had learnt on his course and it was actually quite unsettling to see, especially as he thought about his sisters as small babies. He had let go of Robyn’s hand when she went to get him a chair but felt her hand snake its way discreetly back into his, giving him a very encouraging squeeze which he was very thankful for.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to watch this.” She turned to him. She could see how uncomfortable he was and could only imagine where his mind had gone. Being an older brother, Robyn knew how protective Taron was of his younger sisters. “It’s hard to see it if you have never had to think about it.”</p>
<p>“And leave you? Absolutely not.”</p>
<p>“Robyn? You want a go?” Jade had been sitting on the seat beside her to her right and held the baby mannequin in her hands.</p>
<p>Robyn could feel a light sweat start to form between her hand and Taron’s as she held it tight but he continued to hold her hand without a second thought. She looked to the small baby Jade held out to her and for some reason she couldn’t understand, nodded her head and took the baby in her left hand, having to let go of Taron’s to properly hold the plastic baby. Even though it wasn’t a real baby, she still had to make sure she held the child right, seeing a light smirk on Taron’s face</p>
<p>“What?” She looked to him. “It is still a baby. I am not going to hold it upside down.”</p>
<p>Taron bit his lip to try and stop the smile. “I haven’t seen you with a baby before.”</p>
<p>“They scare me shitless.” Robyn quickly changed the way she held small mannequin, so she could begin to practise the well-known technique of how to help a chocking baby. “You know I am an only child. Never been around babies. I am much better than I was with them but they can make me nervous.”</p>
<p>Taron’s eyes were glued to Robyn as she very quickly and skilfully, handled the baby back and forth using her hands to perfect her already known skill. He was surprised at how easily she had taken the mannequin and didn’t panic, but just as she quickly as she completed the task, she stood up and handed the baby back to Aiden at the top of the class, who have her a nod.</p>
<p>“One down, how many more to go.” She said to Taron as she sat back beside him, taking his hand once again. She needed to warmth and security she could always feel from him.</p>
<p>“You got this and I am right here.”</p>
<p>“You feeling out of your comfort zone yet?”</p>
<p>“That obvious?”</p>
<p>“You ignoring every stare you are getting?”</p>
<p>“I am so used to being on the red carpet but this is a different kind of staring. They know what you did for me.”</p>
<p>“And maybe have a bit more detail than before. They only really knew about the CPR before this today, not the bullet or anything else.”</p>
<p>“Bet they weren’t expecting me to arrive to their training either.” He asked moving his head a little closer to her, so very aware of everyone looking their way. “I am going to be the talk of the creche now.”</p>
<p>“Poor Beth is going to be devastated that she missed you.” Robyn replied to him.</p>
<p>“My best creche friend.” He said, turning his head to Aiden as he started to speak.</p>
<p>“And moving on to the over two’s CPR and choking.” The trainer started to explain the theory behind the next part of the course, Robyn’s attention mostly taken from the instructor by the feeling of Taron’s thumb gently rubbing over her knuckles. She felt a nudge on her left leg, the one on the opposite side to where Taron was sitting. She turned her head to look at Emma who had taken a seat beside her and she leaned a little closer to her.</p>
<p>“You want stop whispering and pay attention?” Emma joked, her voice light and teasing. “I know he is gorgeous and here and you owe me a pile of cookies and a salted caramel pie but try and pay attention.” Emma reached for Robyn’s free hand and squeezed it. “I am so proud of you for coming up here. I can’t imagine how hard it is going to be but please take advantage of that perfect man beside you who re-worked his whole filming schedule to be here for you. All is forgiven but don’t let your own insecurities fuck this up Robyn and it is also very nice of you to share his jumper with him.”</p>
<p>It was the most truthful and honest Emma could be without being too harsh on her and Robyn could hear the sincerity in her words and the little banter brought a small smile to her face.</p>
<p>“Thank you and it is good to share.” She gave Emma’s hand a soft squeeze. “He was cold.”</p>
<p>“Hmm cold. Sure.”</p>
<p>“I really need to pay attention now.” Robyn turned her head fully to look at her manager. “Thank you and I am really sorry.”</p>
<p>“You are more than welcome and no need to say sorry. Like I said earlier, it’s an immense pressure you are under. I couldn’t imagine how I would cope in your shoes.”</p>
<p>“So, if you want to come up in your pairs and work on the CPR for this age group and then we will move on to the adult CPR after.” Aiden’s announcement made Robyn’s face turn towards the top of the room but hearing a very familiar ring tone made her head whip to Taron, seeing his eyes open as he heard his own ringing phone through the light chatter in the room.</p>
<p>“Oh sorry!” Taron immediately apologised, letting go of Robyn’s hand so he could pull his phone from his pocket. “So sorry. I will turn it off.” He knew his cheeks had tinted red and he went to cancel the call when he saw ‘Matthew’ flashing on his screen. His thumb hoovered over the cancel button and he felt a hand on his back of his neck and he looked to Robyn, her fingers rubbing little circles on that favourite sweet spot on his skin.</p>
<p>“Answer it.” She said to him.</p>
<p>“Robyn…”</p>
<p>“Take the call. Matthew is calling for a reason. I will be fine. I know you are still in the building.”</p>
<p>“I really don’t have too.”</p>
<p>“Take the call. Emma is right here. Use the room across the way.” She scratched the back of his head lightly. “I will answer it if you don’t.” She joked.</p>
<p>He nodded and without even thinking about it, Taron leaned into her and kissed her forehead before he stood up and answered the call as he went.</p>
<p>Robyn turned to sit back straight in her little chair and couldn’t help but notice that everyone in the room had gone quiet again and was looking her way. “What?” She turned to Emma. “What?” She repeated.</p>
<p>“So why don’t we get two pairs up here to start on the child CPR.” Aiden quickly got the training going again while Emma turned to Robyn with a wide smile.</p>
<p>“What?” Robyn held her hands up. “What is that look for?”</p>
<p>“You better be prepared for some serious slagging. That man just kissed your forehead before he left.”</p>
<p>Robyn looked to the door where Taron had left and back to Emma, a little smile on her face. She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s just what he does.”</p>
<p>“Just like how your hand sneaks into his hair?”</p>
<p>Robyn laughed a little. “It’s just what I do.”</p>
<p>“So that really is Taron Egerton in our creche?” Jade leaned forward and passed Emma so she could look to Robyn. Jade had only been with the company for a few months and although knew from the other girls that Robyn had save a man’s life and Taron’s name had been mentioned but she never believed it to be true. Not until now when he was physically in the same room as her.</p>
<p>Robyn leaned a little further forward in her chair so she could meet Jade’s eyes. “Yep.”</p>
<p>“Seriously?” The young girl asked.</p>
<p>“Yep.” Robyn repeated.</p>
<p>“He just kissed you.” Jade with some disbelief.</p>
<p>“He tends to do that.” Robyn agreed.</p>
<p>“Kisses you?” Jade eyes opened wide. “You are so lucky. He is gorgeous!”</p>
<p>Robyn’s face immediately fell and she got to her feet. “Can I just say one thing really quickly before Taron comes back.” Her voice was hard and stern and she could feel every part of her in protective mode for the man who had left set just for her so she wouldn’t be alone during her training. “Yes, he is here because of what I did for him but as much as I am shitting myself about today as I am sure you have all noticed by now, he is too, though hiding it better than me. He may not remember what I did for him but he was part of it and we had a hard couple of days after what happened.” Robyn took a quick breath to try and settled the rising tone of her voice. “He is a person just like all of us with feelings and emotions and just as nervous as I am about doing this. Taron came here to help me through it and deserves a little bit of respect I know you all have. Please try not to stare at him or make him feel any more awkward than he already does. He has willingly walked himself into a room full of women.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I am so ready to walk out of that door and Taron is doing everything he can to stop me from doing so.” Taking another breath Robyn continued, her voice a little quieter. “You will see little touches and maybe kisses between us but it’s the way we have always been with each other, a comfort we both need so please don’t over think anything. It’s just us.” Robyn looked to each staff member, catching everybody’s eye. “He is so important to me and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable here with all of us.”</p>
<p>“Sorry Robyn.” Jade apologised quietly.</p>
<p>“No need for apologies.” Robyn said immediately. “I get it believe it. It was my first reaction when I saw him but we have been through a lot since then and looking from the outside it is hard to understand but it’s just the way we are.”</p>
<p>“He loves you.” Robyn looked to Lisa, one of her other close work friends. “It is so clear Robyn and it is so lovely to see. You deserve every one of those little kisses and you need him here. None of us could get you through this training but Taron can. You can both be there for each other and this training today can be healing for both of you.”</p>
<p>Robyn nodded to Lisa and turned as she heard Aiden speak. “Couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s already an uncomfortable training course for everyone and the added pressure Robyn feels is tough and having Taron here is best for both of them so let’s turn our attention away from the movie star in our presence and get back to the CPR.”</p>
<p>Robyn sat back down on her chair and took one more deep breath, pushing shaking hands under her arms, her eyes on the floor, avoiding looking at anyone. She had to have her say, to make them understand that Taron was worth so much more than an ogle or stare from her work colleagues. He was the one constant thing in her life lately and she was beginning to realise that she was needing him and depending on him more and more and those little touches they had with each other were something they needed from each other during those hard times they faced.</p>
<p>As Aiden called up the next two pairs, Emma walking up by herself, as Robyn was her partner, Taron walked back into the room and Robyn felt him sit beside her, his hand finding hers once he was settled.</p>
<p>“You ok?” When he walked in, he saw Robyn’s head tilted down and was concerned that within the five minutes he had left the room something had happened as her whole body was closed off with her arms wrapped around herself. He really had to work a little to get her hand free so he could hold it.</p>
<p>“Yeah, all good. Everything ok with Matthew?” She looked to him, seeing that earlier tiredness really settled in his face now. Sure, it was partly due to his long days on camera but more so from his sleepless night, his soft features were a little hard set and she missed his easy smile and the dimples on his cheeks. She hated the fact that the training was going to have its own effect on him too, not wanting him to have to suffer through it and changed the position of their hands so she could link her fingers with his.</p>
<p>“Yep, all good. He re-watched some of the scenes we shot last night and just wanted to tell me how great they were. He is so pleased with how everything is going.”</p>
<p>“You seem so much more relaxed about the filming. It’s nice to see a little smile on your face when you talk about it.”</p>
<p>Taron nodded. “It has been easier.” He moved his head a little closer to her. “What did you do?” He asked reaching over to pull her left hand free so he could hold her left hand in his right one, gripping both her hands now.</p>
<p>“Do?” Robyn asked finally feeling some heat in Taron’s previously cold hands.</p>
<p>“Before I left, I could feel everyone staring my way, now not even a glance. What did you do or say?” He asked her, lightly nudging her shoulder with his.</p>
<p>Robyn returned his nudge. “Had a fiery Robyn moment.”</p>
<p>“Protecting my honour again?” He asked.</p>
<p>“Always”</p>
<p>He moved his head closer to hers so he could place the softest of kisses on her temple. “Thank you.” He turned his attention to the practice CPR on the floor, feeling so loved by Robyn and her still constant need to look after him even when she was going through her own suffering, and as he watched Emma preform the child CPR, felt an increase in his own heart rate, again taken back by the techniques needed to save a child’s life, once again his thoughts going to his sisters and then to what Robyn did for him. He knew she was extremely anxious about what was to come but now as he sat next to her, he could feel his own nerves surfacing.</p>
<p>“Robyn, you want to try?” Emma came to stand in front of her, not missing how much closer she sat with Taron after he returned from his phone call, how their hands were linked tightly together.</p>
<p>Before Robyn even got a chance to answer, Aiden walked over. “I have seen you perform the child CPR before Robyn. I trust it is something you haven’t forgotten how to do. I am happy to move on.”</p>
<p>“Let’s move on.” Robyn quickly agreed, crossing her legs and slipping her left hand from Taron’s and in-between her knees while her right hand still held his left tightly.</p>
<p>“Sure.” Aiden moved back to the top of the room. “Right last one before lunch. Adult CPR. I think we can agree we understand the importance of it.” He took a glance to where Robyn and Taron were sitting, giving them a smile. “So, I will go through the theory first and then we will all take a turn at the practical. We have all done it before so it shouldn’t take us too long to go through it.”</p>
<p>The trainer started to talk to the group about the adult CPR and as soon as he mentioned compressions, Robyn’s grip on Taron’s hand increased to the point where she knew she must have been crushing his hand. She needed something to hold to try and keep her shaking hands under control and although holding his hand was not going to stop her legs from shaking and when she felt a hand on her knee, she took a side glance to him.</p>
<p>“Right here with you.” He whispered to her. “But maybe ease the grip a tiny bit.” He knew she needed to support and comfort but Robyn was strong and with her thoughts not on what she was doing but rather on what Aiden was speaking about, was holding his hand painfully hard.</p>
<p>“Sorry.” Robyn let his hand go but felt Taron hold reach for her hand again.</p>
<p>“I didn’t say let go chicken. Just not as tight.” He shuffled a little on tiny chair under him. “I need to hold your hand as much as you need to hold mine.” Taron was trying to keep his hand steady, to be the strength he knew Robyn needed to feel from him as hers slipped away and he eased his arm in behind her back so he could sit closer to her. Even after knowing Robyn had had a quick strict word with her work colleagues, he could still see the glimpses coming his way, the shy smiles on their faces and he turned his face to the top of the room only to turn his eyes away and lean his face into Robyn’s hair. Aiden had moved to the floor and was demonstrating the adult CPR and his stomach turned with horrible nerves.</p>
<p>Robyn was ready to bolt from the room. The minute Aiden got to his knees to show the staff the correct procedure of adult CPR, she was ready to walk out and it was the feeling of Taron’s arm around her back and his left hand on her side, gripping her waist that held her in place. Her eyes were focused on his left hand and she had taken her hand from his and concentrated on rubbing his hand with her two thumbs, using any method of distraction she had. He had the jumper over the back his hand to keep his hands warm and she slipped her thumbs under the soft cotton and over his wrist, his watch stopping her thumbs from going any further, so she moved back down to his hand making sure to vary the pressure of her thumbs, smiling the tiniest bit as she felt his face lean into her hair. As much as her heart was racing, Taron’s was too and she could feel the rapid thumping of his heart beat as she rested her thumbs on the inside of his wrist, before she took his hand in hers again and gently massaged the skin on the back of his hand.</p>
<p>“So, we have one adult mannequins so let’s just work from left to right, one by one and once you have completed your practical, you can leave for lunch. So Jade, up you come.”</p>
<p>“Do I have to go first?” The young girl complained. “Left to right is the other way.”</p>
<p>Robyn’s head turned a little, feeling Taron lift his from her hair too as Jade wanted to change the direction of the turn taking for the CPR, meaning she would have to go first.</p>
<p>“Left to right from my direction is your way.” Aiden confirmed. “So up you come. Everyone has to do it so you may as well come up now.”</p>
<p>The exhale of relief Robyn made was shaky and knew she had hurt Taron with how she had dug her nails into his palm, especially when she felt him recoil a little and looked to his hand, turning it over and seeing four red marks on his skin.</p>
<p>“Shit sorry!” She apologised. “Jesus sorry.” She let his hand rest palm up on her leg so she could rub her fingertips over where she had unknowingly at the time hurt him.</p>
<p>“Don’t be worrying. It’s fine. You ok?”</p>
<p>“Just not anyway ready for this.” She replied to him. Although Robyn could avoid looking at the scene in front of her, she couldn’t stop the sounds coming her way and as that all too familiar creaking sound reached her ears as Jade made each deep compression successfully. Each time Jade pressed down on the mannequin’s chest, a spring-loaded sound echoed around the room and Robyn’s nerves couldn’t listen to the sound or the easy breathing from her as she performed part of the lifesaving technique she had used on Taron. Aiden was talking Jade through the practice, making sure she was hitting every movement correctly.</p>
<p>“Don’t be worrying about pushing too hard on the chest. You need to push hard, to get the depth on the compression to make sure it is effective enough to keep the blood pumping so oxygen is constantly flowing around the body. That is why we do the CPR. To keep the oxygen moving through the body to the most important organs, the brain and the heart. Not always necessary to do the breathes either. It’s the compressions that matter.”</p>
<p>As Taron kept his eyes on Robyn, he could feel her stiffening up but at the same time she was shaking and it wasn’t the same type of shake from being cold. It was an all over tremble from fear and she had dropped his hand and one of her hands was wrapped tight around herself, her fingers touching his as he still held her waist, her other hand running down her face. While he was sure Robyn needed the little touch of his fingers, he moved his hand away from her waist and rubbed it in gentle circles on her back. He had started to feel the increase in her breathing as he rested his hand on her waist but now with his hand on her back, even breathing in was a serious struggle for her and his normal steady and strong Robyn was once against crumbling before him.</p>
<p>It was a panic that was quickly building inside her and Robyn took one more look to her friend on her knees pumping the mannequin and she bit her lip so hard to stop herself from crying out in distress that she drew blood. Her previous stiff body, started to move uncomfortably as she tried to catch her breathe. Closing her eyes didn’t help in any shape or form and once again a bloodied Taron stood there accusing her of not helping him. The pain of her previous headache had moved right behind her eyes and as she heard Aiden clap his hands to keep the beat, counting the tempo out loudly, her stomach churned and with one jump up from the chair, and comfort of Taron’s arms, she ran out of the room as fast as she could to the children’s bathroom and the sink, her hands on the cold metal as she dry heaved over the sink, her stomach painfully contracting.</p>
<p>Emma looked to Taron after Robyn had rushed out of the playroom and went to stand up but she was stopped when Taron got to his feet first. “I will go.”</p>
<p>“Taron…” Emma looked to him. As much as she knew Robyn loved Taron, she had a very good feeling her stubborn friend would not want Taron to see her in such a state in the bathroom but the man in front of her shook his head.</p>
<p>“I will go.”</p>
<p>“You sure?”</p>
<p>“Very.”</p>
<p>With a little sigh, Emma nodded. “Close the bathroom door.” Emma advised him.</p>
<p>“Will do.” Taron nodded.</p>
<p>“And here.” She stood up and walked into the small playroom and poured some water into a plastic pink cup, bringing it back to Taron. “Take this with you. We can only drink the water from the kitchen.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Emma.” Taron avoided looking at any one and heading for the door, followed the sounds he could hear from Robyn, his heart breaking for her as her body pushed her to her limits as she suffered through her training. With the cup of water in his hands he walked slowly into the bathroom, kicking the door stop so the door closed. He slowly stepped around the small wall and once again he could feel his heart breaking for Robyn. Leaning on the sink, with her head between her arms and he could hear the soft cries coming from her.</p>
<p>“Robyn?”</p>
<p>She was thoroughly embarrassed with herself and knew she had only moments before her unsettled stomach turned on her, her overwhelming anxiety hitting her full force, and left the wonderful comfort of Taron’s safe arms for the children’s bathroom, nothing but air coming from her empty nervous stomach, her retching stopping once she made it to the sink. Her shame doubled when she heard Taron’s voice and a deep guilty groan left her exhausted body.</p>
<p>“Taron don’t.”</p>
<p>“You think that is going to work?” He slowly walked towards her and placed his hand on her back and cup on the counter.</p>
<p>“Please.” Robyn begged as she tried to calm her still frazzled breathing down.</p>
<p>“Not a chance. You were there for me and I have told you, I will always be here for you.”</p>
<p>“Not like this.”</p>
<p>Taron moved to stand beside her and brushed some loose strand of hair away from her face. “At least this isn’t your fault. Mine was from my own stupidity.” She was ghostly pale and he could see the terror he saw earlier still etched in every part of her beautiful face. “Robyn?”</p>
<p>“I can’t do it.” She spluttered, fresh tears falling from her eyes.</p>
<p>“Ok darling, one step at a time. Here is some water.” Taron bent down so he was hunched under her. He handed the water to her and she very slowly took the cup from her, swigging a little, swirling it around her mouth and spitting it back into the sink, turning on the tap. “And another.” He insisted pushing the bottom of the cup towards her mouth, glad to see her actually drinking the water this time. “Come and sit down with me.” Taron stood up to his height, left the cup on the side board of the sink and gently wrapped his arms around her. “It is all we are going to do.”</p>
<p>Zapped of all of her energy, Robyn let Taron help her to the cold floor of the bathroom and it took her a few seconds to realise he had her nestled in-between his legs, his arms locked around her stomach, keeping her close against his chest. She was a quivering mess, her heart hammering in her chest and her breathing was still hard. She could feel his warmth behind her and how secure she was in his arms but she was utterly crushed in every sense of the word. Very much falling back into her old ways, her mind set only on destroying herself as she gave in to every hurt and splintered emotion she felt. Soon her head fell forward as she cried, bring her knees to her chest so she could rest her still pounding head on her legs.</p>
<p>“Shh Robyn. It’s ok darling.” Taron moved his head closer to her so he could place the smallest of kisses on the back of her neck. “A lot going for you right now.” He let his cheek rest on her back. “Let’s just sit for a while. I am right here, not leaving you at all.” In similar fashion to how she looked after him in Paris, he was very ready to show her the same love and concern.</p>
<p>It took her ten minutes before she managed to calm her breathing down and it was five minutes more before she could even properly acknowledge Taron. She could feel his head resting on her back and he was there as he promised he always would be and she owed him so much. Her legs were stiff from sitting in a tight ball and she moved them so the lay flat on the ground. Once she moved, she felt him move too a little to resettle himself and she covered his hands with hers, hand which were still protectively wrapped around her.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She said quietly. “It just got too much. Sorry.”</p>
<p>“No more sorries.” He replied firmly. “You know that tattoo you have? A quiet wave will rise on the water? Same principal applies here. This is just one hurdle you have to cross, one tiny one and then we move on together.”</p>
<p>“Taron, I am so embarrassed.” Robyn turned a little so she could look at him. “I never behave like this, like that and I don’t see how I can come back from all of this shit. It’s just too hard.”</p>
<p>“You are putting yourself under so much pressure and strain Robyn and this is your body breaking down. I am really not surprised. Just going head first into everything yourself. You don’t need to do this to yourself. Emma is here for you; I am here for you and I know without a doubt your parents are too. You can’t keep going on like this. Your strength is quickly becoming your weakness and as I told you earlier, you are going to end up in the hospital if you don’t stop and breathe for two minutes. You are always telling me to look after myself but you need to as well.”</p>
<p>As Taron spoke, Robyn had to turn her face away from him. Although his words were hurtful, there was pure and honest truth behind them and after her clear and obvious breakdown he was the second person who was advising her that she needed to do something about all of her pent-up emotions.</p>
<p>“We are going to sit here for a few more minutes and then you and me are going back into that room with your head held high and you are going to get through this CPR training no matter how much it hurts or how many repulsive imagines of me you see as you finish your training. The only way we both are going to start really dealing with Florida is by facing it and coming to terms properly with what happened and it is going to fucking hurt but we are going to do it. Both of us cannot carry on this way.” He lightly let his chin rest on her left shoulder. “Maybe you need to look at talking to someone Robyn.” He suggested softly.</p>
<p>“Aiden said that to me earlier too.” She placed her hands on his knees. “I think it is something I would like to try because God knows, I cannot keep going on like this. I want the old Robyn back. Robyn who was care free and happy.”</p>
<p>Taron kissed her shoulder. “You are care free and happy.” He reassured her. “There is just a lot of shit going on for you but like I said, you will get past this. I think you and me need a serious chat though. I am still…”</p>
<p>“… Mad at me, I know.”</p>
<p>“I am not mad at you Robyn. You just give everything you have to me but won’t let me do the same for you and it can be a bit of a kick in the teeth but look, right now, in this bathroom is not the time or place for that.” Taron gave her a little squeeze. “Right now, you and me need to get back into the room so you can complete this training. You will be so upset with yourself if you don’t and before you say it, yes you can and I will be right there with you.” He turned his head so he could rest his cheek on her shoulder again but something caught his eye. “Robyn?”</p>
<p>“Hmmm.”</p>
<p>“The toilets are so small.”</p>
<p>It was the first small smile that filled her face in hours. “Child sized.”</p>
<p>“Really? There is such a thing?”</p>
<p>“Yep. Little toilets.” Robyn let a long deep breath full her whole body. “Thank you Taron. Getting all the sides of Robyn now aren’t you.”</p>
<p>“Each one is as interesting as the last.” Taron moved his legs so he could get to his feet and hunched in front of her, placing his hands on her cheeks. “Do not think yourself as weak woman because you fell apart Robyn. What you are doing is hard and doing it alone is stupid and hurtful not only to you but those who love and care for you. Now to your feet and let’s get this CPR done and dusted.” He stood up and held out his hands for her to take, pulling her to her feet. “Get ready for a long squishy hug.”</p>
<p>It was desperately needed and while Robyn was still mortified, she left herself melt into his strong arms, and she nestled into his neck as he hugged her very close. “I am so sorry.” She whispered into his warm skin.</p>
<p>“I know darling. I know.” Still wanting to have his say and make her properly understand, Taron knew now wasn’t the time so just hugged her, finally feeling her breathing a little less erratic, glad she had calmed down but still felt her heart racing. He felt her right hand travel up his back and to his neck, curling into the back of his head.</p>
<p>“Your hair is growing.”</p>
<p>Taron had to smile even though he didn’t want to at her chance of a distraction. “Yes it is but we can talk about that later. Now back to the room.”</p>
<p>Robyn sighed. “Can I have two minutes downstairs first?” She ended the hug with him and took a step back. “Just need two little personal minutes.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” He reached over and picked up her glasses, handing them back to her “But I am coming with you.”</p>
<p>“I am not going to run.” Taron rose an eyebrow at her. “I’m not.”</p>
<p>“I know but I am still coming with you.” He repeated.</p>
<p>Robyn took her glasses from him and made her way towards the door, pulling it open and fixing the door stop. She could still hear the training going ahead in the playroom and with a slight rush, pushed open the door at the top of the stairs and jogged quickly down them, Taron right on her heels. She could hear voices of the girls who had completed their CPR training coming from the kitchen but she took a quick left into the narrow locker room and turned the key in her locker, the dolphin key ring swinging as she pulled it open. Inside she always kept a small toiletry bag in case she never made it home for lunch and she pulled out the blue bag.</p>
<p>“Just two minutes in the bathroom.”</p>
<p>“Lead the way.”</p>
<p>“You are not coming in with me.”</p>
<p>“Of course not.” He agreed. “But I will stand outside the door.”</p>
<p>“Oh shit.” Jade was looking at her phone as she walked into the locker room and right into Taron, his hands going to her shoulders to steady her. “Sorry. Sorry.” She apologised her eyes going wide as she saw Taron right in front of her.</p>
<p>He watched her face blush bright red, having seen a similar colour on the young girls face earlier as she took little glances his way as they sat upstairs. “No worries.” He offered as he took his hands away.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I just need to get to my coat.” Jade looked to Taron, trying to keep her face serious as she stood a few feet from one of her favourite actors.</p>
<p>“It is quite a tight squeeze in here.” Taron said more so to Robyn then Jade but she answered his observation before Robyn could.</p>
<p>“Yeah definitely is. Can be awkward brushing past each other.”</p>
<p>Robyn looked over Taron’s shoulder to Jade who was standing right in the doorway, blocking their exit out. She knew Jade wasn’t going to move of her own accord so quickly closed her locker with perhaps a harder slam then was needed and turned to Taron who was right beside her. “Excuse me Taron. I am just going to slip past you.” Moving chest to chest, Robyn placed her hands on his waist as she moved past him, preferring her being so close to him rather than Jade. Once past, she stood right in front of him, so her back was to his chest. “Sorry Jade, can we get out?”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah sure.” She took four steps back.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” Robyn made sure she had a tight grip on Taron’s left hand, walking him out of the small locker room and to the end of the hallway and around to where the two bathrooms were. She switched on the light and pulled open the door. “Two minutes.” She frowned as the adorable smile on his face. “What? Why are you smiling like that?”</p>
<p>“And you think jealousy doesn’t suit me?” He chuckled. “Fiery Robyn will always be my favourite.”</p>
<p>“Taron!” Robyn scolded.</p>
<p>“Go and take your two minutes chicken.”</p>
<p>Robyn’s frown deepened on her forehead but after Taron left a soft kiss on her head, she shook her head at him. “Two minutes.”</p>
<p>“I will be here.”</p>
<p>Robyn moved into the small bathroom and closed the door but after a second thought, opened it again. “Can you hold these for me?” She gave Taron her glasses.</p>
<p>“Sure. I haven’t seen you wear these for such a long time before.”</p>
<p>“My eyes are tired.” She simply said.</p>
<p>Having seen the exhaustion on her face, Taron just nodded, knowing he felt the same way as she did. “You have one minute and fifty seconds.”</p>
<p>The bathroom door closed and Taron finally exhaled and leaned his back against the wall behind him, dragging his hands down his face, rubbing his own very tired eyes. He had no idea how Robyn always managed to hold herself together when he was having a hard time because it was thoroughly draining and gruelling but he was determined to get her to follow through with her course and then have one serious conversation with her and then hopefully get some sleep together in her wonderfully cosy bed. He could feel his energy quickly depleting and was desperate for some coffee but knew it was going to have to wait for a little while longer as he gave Robyn all the support she needed.          </p>
<p>Robyn made sure to brush her teeth twice before she packed her toothbrush back into her toiletry bag and after a quick freshen up, splashing cool water on her face, she had done her best to avoid looking in the mirror but knew she needed to fix her hair so took a glance and groaned.</p>
<p>“Jesus Robyn.” Still thoroughly embarrassed, she was so upset with herself and as she reefed the bobbin from her hair, was shaking her head in disgust. “Deserves so much more Robyn. So much more. That man came from set to you because you were being a little spoilt brat.” She reprimanded herself silently as she quickly brushed her hair and threw it up in a high bun, flinging her brush down. “Just not good enough Robyn.” She placed her hands on the sink and tried to stop herself from losing control again. Already having done it once and not only in front of Taron but her work colleagues and she hated being seen as weak in front of them. It was a promise she made to herself when everything went to shit for her years ago and so far, she had done well to just keep to herself, to hold everything in, deal with her problems herself but she was very quickly realising it was such a horrible way to go about things and she owed so much to Taron, something cookies couldn’t repay. One more glance in the mirror, Robyn was happy her eyes weren’t so red any more but her heart was still racing, her head pounding and that fear was creeping back in her, making her hands shake once more. “Get your shit together Quinn.”</p>
<p>One more brief glance in the mirror, Robyn turned and placed her toiletry bag up on the high shelf in the bathroom on the wall and then opened the door, expecting to see Taron outside waiting but he wasn’t. She walked around the corner and found him looking at all of the artwork on the wall, reading the posters and staff information.</p>
<p>“You have done a lot of training.”</p>
<p>“Just a tad.” She agreed coming to stand close beside him, so glad to feel his normal heat radiating from him again, his jumper keeping his warmth in.</p>
<p>“All the staff have.”</p>
<p>“Yep.”</p>
<p>“But you seem to have the most.”</p>
<p>“Been here a very long time. It just adds up.”</p>
<p>“But nothing about your dolphin stuff is on here.” He said. “And wow your hair was short.” He exclaimed pointing to her photograph beside her name.</p>
<p>Robyn slipped her right arm around his left elbow. “Yes it was. That photo was taken about five years ago. A little less blonde, a lot more short.”  Robyn hated the photo that was used on her all about me page on the staff wall. Her hair just about touched her shoulders and it was taken when she thought everything was perfect in her life, when really it wasn’t. She had asked Emma to change it and re-take the photo but they never really got around to it, so it stayed as it was. “And yeah no dolphin stuff. All the childcare stuff though.”</p>
<p>“I much prefer your long hair.” Taron said firmly. “I couldn’t imagine trying to colour it with chalk when it is so short or play with it or twist it up into my newly learnt hairstyling skills.” Robyn leaned into Taron’s shoulder. “Plaits next right?”</p>
<p>“Right.” She agreed. “Soon we might have to add your photo up here.” She joked a little, glad to feel his body move as he laughed with her.</p>
<p>“Not quite yet. Still have to come and do my visit before that happens.” He leaned his head to the left a little, letting his eye close as he rested his cheek on her head lightly. That tiredness he had felt in the car on the way to Kilcreen was quickly seeping back into him and he happily would have closed his eyes to get a quick nap but there were more pressing matters on his mind. “So those two minutes are long up.”</p>
<p>“Yep.” Robyn said, a quick shiver of distress travelled through her body as Taron reminded her of what she still had yet to do.</p>
<p>“So, let’s go up.” He pulled on her arm. “Fifteen minutes more and its done.”</p>
<p>“Ok.” She answered him, her voice sad and quiet but knew it was unavoidable so she let Taron lead her up the stairs again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. “Behind these eyes there is a girl trapped within her pain – a girl feeling all the emotions of anger and sadness. She’s fighting for a way out.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before they reached the door at the top of the stairs, it opened and Emma appeared.</p>
<p>“Oh hey Robyn.” She stopped three steps above them. “You ok?”</p>
<p>“Been a hell of a lot better.” Robyn honestly answered. If she was going to be truthful to Taron, she needed to follow through with her new self to everyone. “Thank you for calling Taron for me.” Robyn moved to the next step and hugged Emma. “I am so grateful for you and your understanding and dealing with my shit.”</p>
<p>“I told you earlier, all was forgiven and he needs this as much as you I think.” She added with a whisper. “And he is absolutely gorgeous.”</p>
<p>Robyn lightly slapped Emma’s back before she gave her one more tight hug and then she moved back to stand beside Taron.</p>
<p>“I am the last to do the CPR. Aiden said he would wait for you. Just you and Taron and the CPR. There is no one else in the room. We called the longer lunch too so we are going to pick back up just after one but still should finish on time at four.”</p>
<p>“Thank you Emma.” Robyn reached for Taron’s hand and the two moved to the side to let Emma down the stairs, Robyn waiting until she heard the little clang of the downstairs metal gate as it was closed. “So onwards and upwards, right?”</p>
<p>“Right.”</p>
<p>Taron started to walk up the stairs and held the door open for her so she could walk past him and onto the landing. Robyn waited for him and reaching for his hand, took the lead back into the playroom.</p>
<p>“Robyn, Taron.” The trainer was sitting on one of the chairs, on his phone. He stood up as they walked through and slipped his phone into his pocket. “I wasn’t too sure if you were going to come back in.”</p>
<p>“Sorry for running out.” Robyn apologised.</p>
<p>“That’s absolutely fine.”</p>
<p>“I am ready to do this now.” Robyn, who still held onto Taron’s hand, walked to stand in front of one of the mannequins on the floor, trying to take a steadying breath, her eyes not even looking down.</p>
<p>“Robyn…” Aiden came to stand beside her.</p>
<p>“I have to do this.” She repeated interrupting him before he gave her the option to back out, knowing her voice didn’t convey her urgency to get the training done. “I need to do this.”</p>
<p>“Ok well whenever you are ready.” Aiden knelt on the floor. “I know you know what to do. Two full rounds are all I need.”</p>
<p>Robyn just stood, her eyes still avoiding the floor and that horrible churning sensation in her stomach was coming back and she felt such an urge to run until she felt that all too calming presence behind her.</p>
<p>“You can do this.” Taron encouraged her. “Five minutes and we are done and I am right here with you and this time it isn’t me you are working on. It is a piece of plastic. Turn around to me.” Taron took his hand from hers and placed his hands on her shoulders, gently turning her to face him. “You know nothing bad is going to happen to you from doing this. Nothing is going to happen to me either.” Lifting her hand, he placed it on that all too familiar place on his body but realised it would be too hard to feel his heart beat as the jumper he wore was quite thick, so let go of her hand and pulled the jumper off, dropping it onto the floor. He grabbed her hand again and placed his on his chest, under his shirt and on his tank top. “Still beating, strong and hard and it always will be. If you hadn’t of done this training, I wouldn’t be here Robyn and I wouldn’t have my best friend standing here with me. One step at a time ok? And you know you can stop if you need to.”</p>
<p>“Robyn you can leave the breathes out.” Aiden said from behind her. “From your experience you know they are not always needed.”</p>
<p>Robyn turned her head to look at the trainer who was kneeling patiently on the ground. “If I am going to do it, I am going to do it right. I will never be able to face it if I don’t.” She turned her face back to Taron, her hand still on his chest and lightly brushed the tips of her fingers over his visible skin. “I am going to do it.” She looked back to Aiden. “I am going to.” She let her hand drop from Taron and turned around and took the two steps closer to the mannequin. “I am going to do this.” She knelt on the floor and let out one long shaky and nervous breath as she finally looked down. “Fuck it.” She cursed under her breathe, letting her hands rest on her knees.</p>
<p>Taron’s own insecurities were quickly coming forth and now that he had pulled his jumper off, he felt an all over chill and not just from the open windows and cold in the room but from the task Robyn had to complete in front of him. He knew watching Robyn trying to face her fears was going to hit him hard but he hadn’t realised how much. Everything that happened in the 7/11 was still a blur to him and he depended on Richard and Robyn to fill in those missing details and they were always willing to help him piece together what happened when he blacked out on the floor and his time in the ambulance. It always scared him when he thought about it, how close he was to not making it, how if it wasn’t for the bravery of Robyn that he wouldn’t be here with her and it wasn’t only Robyn who was starting to feel very anxious about the mannequins in front of her. However, he hated that she was so troubled by the CPR, so much more than him which was completely understandable and that she was so frightened of doing it. He had always thought that Robyn wasn’t afraid of anything but after seeing how she had already reacted to having to think about doing the CPR, now actually facing the challenge, he himself was so afraid of how she was going to take the physicality of doing the CPR and even more so that he wouldn’t be able to help her, that she wouldn’t let him and close herself off to him but he was so determined to support Robyn.</p>
<p>The hesitation was so clear from the young woman and after two minutes of watching Robyn just stare at the CPR dummy, Aiden was ready to tell her it was fine and that she didn’t need to do it but Taron came to kneel on the opposite side and the paramedic held back for a moment.</p>
<p>Robyn was frozen as she knelt, trying her hardest to stop herself from panicking, from breaking down but tears still pooled in her eyes and she found herself roughly wiping her eyes, trying to dry them. As she dried her eyes for the third time, she felt her hands being taken over the plastic body in front of her and looked up to see Taron opposite her, kneeling as she was alongside the mannequin.</p>
<p>It was the best plan he could think of in the few seconds he had and was so happy to take her shaking hands in his, knowing that although she didn’t know it as she was so caught up in her own troubles, that just holding her hands was helping him to keep his own nerves at bay. “Together.” He simply said and lowered his right hand onto the mannequin’s chest and placed her left hand on his. He then covered her left hand with his right and was glad to see her copy his movements and their hands were intertwined. “Let’s just do a few together.” He started to press very lightly up and down, so glad Robyn hadn’t tried to pull away. “You can do this.”</p>
<p>Feeling supported by his actions, by his constant support, Robyn, although still shaking intensely, followed Taron’s movements, letting him guide her hands. It was still horrendous and all she could see was an unconscious Taron under her hands, his bruised face and bare chest but she was working extremely hard to tell her brain he was there in front of her and helping her, that he was alive and well and here in Kilcreen with her.</p>
<p>“I can do it.” She said to him, trying to make her voice sound solid.</p>
<p>“Robyn?” Taron stopped their hands.</p>
<p>“I am going to do it.” She repeated. She looked to him and could see he was trying to be so strong for her, noticing that some of the colour had left his face and he looked shattered and realised that the longer she took to do the CPR, the more pain she was putting Taron through and she had already caused him enough hurt and pain in the last few hours, she did not want to cause him anymore. She took her hands from his and lifted his from the mannequin and gave them a slight rub. “I can do it.” She repeated, trying to keep her voice as steady as she could.</p>
<p>With as much determination and gusto she could manage, Robyn rolled up her sleeves and replaced her hands and went straight into full force compressions, left hand over her right as she pumped the mannequin hard, hearing the spring echo through the empty room but she tried to block it out, counting each push in her head, keeping her timing in beat, her shoulders strong and arms straight. Thirty fast compressions later, Robyn moved straight to do two breathes, her eyes closed as she blew into the mannequin’s mouth, pushing the image of Taron from her mind, of thinking about how cold his lips were as hers touched his as she blew the oxygen into his mouth all those months ago. Once her hands went back onto the mannequin’s chest, with every press down, a tear fell onto her hands but she didn’t stop and started to count out loud once she hit twenty, mainly to stop herself from fully giving into her tears. It was his chest she was pumping, Taron’s cold strong chest and even though he was alive and well opposite her, his hand on her shoulder, in her mind he was under her hands and she could feel the softness of his skin, the cold she could never forget feeling from him as she tried to resuscitate him and it wasn’t until she got to the last compression, taking her hands from the plastic body that her mind stopped playing tricks on her and it was a faceless dummy that stared up at her.</p>
<p>Taron wasn’t too sure whether to stop her not when she threw herself into the CPR, especially at the pace she was moving and he looked to Aiden who shook his and head and mouth ‘let her’ to him. Her ferocity and speed frightened him, how rigid she held herself and as he watched her hands, understanding so much more why her right hand was injured so after she helped him. She was digging the heel of her left hand into the back of her right hand and it must have hurt her but she didn’t slow her movements. He had to look away from her hands, finding it so difficult to watch, to know this was what she had done for him and he lifted his right hand to rub his chest as memories of how sore he was after the CPR came back to him. As his eyes followed her straight arms, he immediately noticed the sparkle on her right wrist and saw that she was wearing the bracelet he had bought her for her birthday, the coloured diamonds flickering in the light as she pressed up and down on the chest of the plastic dummy. His heart warmed for a moment but very quickly, his whole body froze a little and Robyn went straight in to complete the optional two breathes and then straight back into the solid compressions. It was an automatic reaction to place his right hand on her left shoulder when he saw the tears falling from her eyes and he desperately wanted to stop her and wrap her in a hug but knew he couldn’t and he had to let her continue. Once she finished, his hand dropped from her as she quickly got to her feet, stumbling backwards a little, her while body almost gasping for air.</p>
<p>Robyn was shocked she didn’t fall over as she got to her feet, she moved that fast but she needed to get away from the mannequin and backwards was the only option.</p>
<p>“Robyn?” She looked up to see Aiden standing near her but keeping his distance. “Are you ok?”</p>
<p>She shook her head and tried to compose her breathing, to calm herself down. “No but I will be.” She stammered. “I just need two… two minutes.”</p>
<p>“Take as long as you need.” Aiden said with understanding in his voice.</p>
<p>Taron got to his feet and walked over to her, taking his time, not wanting to crowd her, but stood only a footstep away for when she was ready to let him in. “Right here chicken.”</p>
<p>Robyn nodded. She looked to the mannequin on the ground and for the first time, it wasn’t Taron on the ground, still and unconscious but the practise dummy for the CPR. She closed her eyes and it was just black behind her lids, no ghastly imagines of her bloodied best friend, yelling at her and relief flooded her whole body. She had been dreading the training, so uneasy and disturbed by the CPR, by what she would have to do but she did it. Granted her hands ached, her shoulders were stiff and her head was still pounding but she managed to get through it. She stretched out her hand to reach for Taron’s and stepped closer to him, the first decent and smooth breath leaving her body in hours.</p>
<p>“You did it.” Taron whispered to her. “Always knew you could.”</p>
<p>Aiden could see that Robyn was very spooked and paler than she had been and walked over to pick up two of the chairs and placed one each behind Taron and Robyn. “Please sit.” He said to both of them, so glad to see Taron helping Robyn to sit on the chair, guiding her down and keeping a tight grip on her hand. “Take your time and some easy breathes.”</p>
<p>Robyn was so thankful for the chair to sit on as her legs were like jelly and following Aiden’s advice, took some deep breathes and after about fifteen, could look to the two men beside her. Taron’s face was easy to read and she could see the same relief in his eyes that she felt and even with Aiden beside her, she had no hesitation when it came to wrapping her two arms around his right side and hugging him tight.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“So proud of you.” He returned to hug, tucking her head under his chin.</p>
<p>“You got through it.” Aiden agreed.</p>
<p>“I hated every minute.”</p>
<p>“Of course you did. Why would you enjoy it especially when you have had to do it on Taron.”</p>
<p>“My hands won’t stop shaking.” Even though Robyn had locked her fingers together around Taron’s waist, they were still trembling.</p>
<p>“A natural response to what you have done though you may have went a little too hard.” Aiden smiled at her a little. “You really didn’t break any of his ribs?”</p>
<p>“Not one.”</p>
<p>Aiden sat back on his heels. “So unusual.”</p>
<p>“The doctor was a bit perplexed too but I know I am grateful. The bruises on my chest were enough.” Taron replied to the trainer.</p>
<p>“I bet.” Aiden looked to Robyn. “You should go home.” He said kindly. “That was hard for you and I can see it has really shaken you. Go home, get into bed and get some sleep. I am sure you haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a few days. It’s done now and when you have to face the training again, it will be much easier to you. Now it’s still quite raw and you need to just take it easy for the rest of the weekend.”</p>
<p>“I want to stay.” Robyn let go of Taron and sat up a little straighter. “The CPR was what I was dreading.” She felt Taron’s body stiffen a little as she said she wanted to stay and another round of guilt filled her as once again she knew she was putting him through a little bit of hell. “I know going home is what I should do but I still need to face some things in the course and while we are here and I am on a roll, I may as well continue.”</p>
<p>“Too much of a bad thing can hurt you.”</p>
<p>“I like to push myself.”</p>
<p>“I have noticed.” Aiden said, taking a look to Taron hoping for some help.</p>
<p>“I am very much on the side of going home but she is stubborn and to be honest, if Robyn wants to finish the course, face some demons, then I am here for her to do so and I think it might be good for me too.” Taron looked to Robyn and could see the slight surprise in her face. “It is up to you.” So proud of her for going through with the CPR, although it was difficult and she probably needed to go home and rest and sleep, him too, he also knew that Robyn couldn’t change her ways in the space of four hours. “You know my opinion and you know I value yours and I told you I would be right here for you for the rest of today.”</p>
<p>“I think I should stay, finish the course and not go home and over think things too much. I have all of this evening and tomorrow to do that. It honestly was the CPR I feared but I managed to get through it. I didn’t think I could.”</p>
<p>“It was always going to be a tough ask and if you feel staying is the right decision for you, then please stay. It always helps sometimes to face these training courses head on but you have made the first steps to properly comprehend the experience you went through. The second, is talking to someone.” Aiden reached out to gently touch her knee. “It will do you the world of good and Penny is such a wonderful therapist.”</p>
<p>Robyn nodded. “I think I would like to do that.” She agreed. “Talk to someone.”</p>
<p>Aiden smiled. “I can give you the phone number.”</p>
<p>“Great. Thanks.”</p>
<p>All three heads turned as a phone rang and both Aiden and Taron looked back to Robyn who still kept her face turned towards the ringing. It was the creche phone and she stood up, letting Taron’s hands fall from her and stepped over the small chair to the back of the room to pick up the phone.</p>
<p>“Hello, Happy Days, Robyn speaking.” She listened to the caller on the phone, making her way back over to Taron, placing her free hand on his shoulder. “Yeah sure. Just let me head down to the office so I can take some of your details.” Robyn gave Taron’s shoulder a light squeeze and made her way out of the playroom.</p>
<p>Once out of earshot and hearing the door close upstairs, Taron looked to the trainer. “Be honest with me. Out of ten, ten being the bad side of the scale, how bad is this.” He gestured towards the door Robyn had walked out of.</p>
<p>“Maybe a four, five at a push.” Aiden took the chair beside him. “She will be fine.” He saw the look the young man gave her. “I know I don’t know her very well, only ever having met her at her first aid training but she is a very strong willed and resilient woman and if she can come in and do that CPR, even though it was horrible to watch, she can get through this and will do so quickly and easily. I have seen a change in her since you arrived and I have a feeling if you are around her and talk to her, she will listen to you but it is something she needs to do, you as well, to fully recover from the trauma you both went through.” Aiden placed his hand on Taron’s shoulder. “Today was the first step for her and maybe has broken a recurring cycle with how she deals with her emotions. I saw it a lot as a paramedic, how people can hold everything in until they have that expected breakdown.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want that for her.” Taron ran his hands down his face. “But she is so stubborn.”</p>
<p>“I think a lot changed for her today Taron. As tough as it was, I think it opened her eyes to what she was doing to herself, how she was treating you and her work colleagues.” Aiden moved his second hand to Taron’s other shoulder. “Penny had a lot of experience with this type of trauma. She works at the hospital I used to work at for the paramedics who found coping with the aftermath of CPR very difficult and really has a way of getting people to open up about what they experienced. A few sessions would give Robyn such a sense of clarity and relief.” He saw Taron nod. “Here…” Aiden stood up and walked to the shelf to his right and picked up a post it and a pen. “This is her number. She can be very busy, normally pretty booked up but if you mention making an appointment as a favour for me, you will get one for Robyn easily.” Aiden walked back and handed the number to him. “It would be great if you could manage to get a session together too. Even one. I can see you are troubled by what happened too.”</p>
<p>Taron looked at number in his hands. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t you go and take the lunch break to actually sit down and relax for a bit. We are taking the hour break and there is about forty minutes left. Go find Robyn. Make her a hot drink with sugar in it.” Aiden gave a small smile. “Helps with the shock. Make one for you too.”</p>
<p>Taron got to his feet and put the paper in his pocket. “Yeah I will do. Thanks again.”</p>
<p>“She will be fine Taron.” Aiden assured him. “You too.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Taron bent down to pick up his jumper. “Together we always are. Thank you again.” He headed out the door and made his way down the stairs, following the sound of Robyn’s voice and into the office where she sat on her chair, writing on some paper. He placed a hand on her shoulder which she acknowledged with a squeeze of her hand and looked to him, nodding towards the other leather chair. He dropped himself into it and slid down a little so he could rest his head back against the seat, a very long relieved sigh coming from him as he closed his eyes. Still needing to have that conversation with Robyn, he felt so much more comfortable now that the CPR was done and could already feel some of his own tension leave his body. Relief flooded him as he knew the hardest part of the day was done. He had an inkling that his chat later with her would be a quick one as he could already see the shame in her face every time she looked to him, how she got so upset and apologised profusely for ignoring him and had a feeling he was going to see a change in her. Leaning further back into the chair, Taron felt like he could definitely nap in the chair and when two hands slipped onto the crown of his head and scratched his scalp, he inclined back some more.</p>
<p>Robyn was confused by the phone call, wondering who would call a creche on a Saturday but took the call, shaking her head at Emma who offered to take the phone, and sat in her chair writing down the details of the enquiry, quickly explaining to the woman on the phone that they did not open on the weekends but just happened to be doing a training course which was why someone was around to take the call on a Saturday. The gentle and soothing hand on her shoulder was so lovely and she knew it was Taron, glad to see him sit in the other leather chair as she had asked him too, her eyes following him as he flopped into the seat and closed his eyes, hearing his heavy sigh. She turned her attention back to the phone call, so happy to hit the red end call button after a few minutes more and placed the phone down.</p>
<p>Still sitting with his eyes closed, Taron looked exhausted. More guilt swamped her as she thought about the early journey he had to make to get to her, trying to imagine how he managed to change his schedule to be with her. Robyn only worked eight-hour days and could go home and sleep for the other sixteen if she wanted. Taron worked stupidly long hours with a lot less opportunity for sleeping and it showed on his weary face. She stood up and walked over to Emma’s chair, standing behind it, her hands going straight for his head, applying an easy deep pressure with her fingers.</p>
<p>“We have a first aid course to go back to.” He murmured.</p>
<p>“I have a first aid course to go back to. How about I drive you to mine and you can get some sleep?”</p>
<p>So reluctantly Taron moved, Robyn’s hands falling from his head and he swung the chair around so he could look her way. “Absolutely not. I told you I would stay with you and I am going too.”</p>
<p>“Taron you don’t…” Robyn stopped when he gave her his best scowl. “I very much would like that.”</p>
<p>His scowl changed to a small smile. “See, not that hard to ask for help, is it?”</p>
<p>Robyn shook her head, inwardly smiling at his words. “I just need to pop out to my car for a few minutes. I need something. You wanna come with me? You could catch a quick nap in the chair.”</p>
<p>“You know I love a good nap but no thanks. The chair isn’t as comfy as it looks for sleeping. I will go with you.”</p>
<p>“Ok. I just need to get my keys. Give me two seconds.”</p>
<p>Robyn left him in the office for less than ten seconds so she could collect her keys from her locker and met him at the office door. “Wanna bring your jumper? It’s an Irish summer which means the weather is cold.”</p>
<p>Taron nodded and took four steps back to grab his jumper from the desk where he had left it and let Robyn lead the way out of the building and towards her car. She stopped at the boot and once had it unlocked and opened, pulled up the compartment cover for the spare wheel and with purposeful focus, went straight for a small hidden panel, opening it and pulled a pack of cigarettes out, along with a purple lighter. She left the boot open and sat on the edge of her car, feeling it move as Taron sat beside her. She lifted the lid of the pack and inside where eleven sticks.</p>
<p>“Robyn…” Taron was so taken back to see what she was holding.</p>
<p>“My emergency stash.” She explained pulling out one white cigarette, throwing the box into the boot. “Sometimes, I just need one.” She placed the cigarette between her lips and sheltering the lighter, lit it, closing her eyes and slowly inhaling as that first hit of nicotine hit her system, dropping the lighter into the boot beside her.</p>
<p>“Thought you quit.”</p>
<p>“Oh I have. First one in over five years.” Robyn looked to him. “I just need one.”</p>
<p>“Want to share and it can be half of one?” He asked holding his hand out for the cigarette.</p>
<p>“Thought you quit?” She countered but still handed it over.</p>
<p>“A problem shared is a problem halved.” He answered her, lifting the cigarette to his lips. “God it has been a while.” Taron coughed a little before going for a second smoke handing it back to Robyn who took it gratefully.</p>
<p>“Please don’t tell my mother or Claire or Jane if you meet her again or Emma.”</p>
<p>Taron laughed a little at her list. “Pretty sure Emma knows chicken. You are sitting in the open boot of your car and I am sure the whisps of smoke can be seen.” He accepted the cigarette from her.</p>
<p>“Ok well don’t tell my mother or father.” She changed her words. “You should put your jumper on. Your arms are cold again.” She took the cigarette back as Taron stood up to pull his jumper back over his head, sitting beside her again, happily accepting the last of the smoke that was left.</p>
<p>“Deal, if you promise not to mention it to my parents too.”</p>
<p>“Deal.”</p>
<p>Taron dropped the but on the ground and used the toe of his boot to extinguish it, smiling as Robyn pulled a packet of chewing gum from another hidden pocket in her car. “Thank you.” He said to her as she dropped two pieces onto his palm.</p>
<p>“Welcome. Thanks for coming out with me, for sharing one with me. I just needed it.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to explain it to me. No pianos close to us.” He said as he stood up and in front of her. “We have about half an hour before we have to be back upstairs. Any chance of a cup of coffee? I can feel my energy levels quickly fading.”</p>
<p>“Sure of course.” Robyn stood and once she was sure Taron was clear of the boot, slammed it closed, locking it. “You must be so tired.”</p>
<p>“Just like you.” He nodded as they walked together back toward the front door of the creche.</p>
<p>“Pretty tired.” She agreed, typing in the code for the creche. “You can sit in the office if you want while I make your coffee. No need for all the stares again.” Robyn was so concerned about her work colleagues and what they would say in front of Taron.</p>
<p>“I can handle them chicken. You have met my friends right?”</p>
<p>Robyn laughed a little as she opened the door, holding it open so he could walk in too. “True.” She closed the door and headed for the kitchen, hearing the light banter fade out as Taron followed her in. She went straight for the kettle and took it from its perch to fill it with water.</p>
<p>“We were just talking about the shitty weather. It is supposed to last until the middle of next week.” Lisa turned in her chair so she could look at Robyn. “And here we were thinking we could try and have a picnic outside next week for the kids.”</p>
<p>Taron leaned against the counter beside Robyn, waiting with her for the kettle to boil, glad to hear her friend keep the conversation going, trying to ease the slightly awkward atmosphere.</p>
<p>“Typical Irish summer.” Robyn agreed.</p>
<p>“I have been here before when the weather was beautiful though.” Taron said looking to Lisa. “Last September.”</p>
<p>The girls laughed a little, everyone speaking together. “Schools back.”</p>
<p>Taron looked to Robyn for some help, feeling he was definitely missing an inside joke. “When the schools start, the weather is always lovely. This is just normal June weather.” She turned when she heard the kettle click off. “Usual way?” She asked him reaching up to open the press and take a cup out.</p>
<p>“Please.” After Robyn closed the press, he raised his own hand to take a second cup out. “I think you need something warm.” He said. “Tea bags?” Robyn took some side steps to her right and opened another press, taking out the coffee jar and a tea bag, handing the bag to him. “Can I make you a cup?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>She wasn’t going to argue with him, liking the idea of having something warm to drink and once she had filled both cups with the hot water, Taron made her tea while she sorted out his coffee. She walked to the fridge to grab the milk carton and when her back was turned, Taron took his opportunity to add two heaped spoons of sugar into the hot water in her cup, stirring it quickly. She would always take some sugar but not the amount he had put in but heeding the advice of the paramedic to give her something sweet, he added an extra spoon.</p>
<p>Robyn was so thankful to hear Lisa start the conversation back up again with the girls in the kitchen, talking about some TV series she had started to watch, finally the tense atmosphere lifting, and once beside Taron, she opened the milk and added some to his cup, handing the carton to Taron so he could pour some into her tea.</p>
<p>“Sugar?” She asked him.</p>
<p>“Please. Two.”</p>
<p>“Two?” She asked turning to him.</p>
<p>“Think I need the sugar.”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Once both hot drinks were made, Robyn handed Taron his while she took her cup from him, the heat already soaking into her hands. Taron immediately took a sip of his coffee, his eyes closing with happiness.</p>
<p>“Perfect.” He nodded as he took another drink. He kept his eyes on Robyn as she took her own drink and was sure she noticed the extra sweetness to her tea but she never said anything.</p>
<p>“Wanna go sit?” She asked him.</p>
<p>“Please.” In other circumstances, Taron was sure he would have been very happy to sit and have a chat with Robyn’s work colleagues and friends but right now his brain just could not even begin to think about being on his guard with what he said or listen to giddiness. He was just too fatigued to have to concentrate so was very happy to move to Robyn’s office just to sit with her but when she walked past the office and down the hallway he was confused. “Robyn?”</p>
<p>“Trust me. I have a little secret hideaway.”</p>
<p>He followed her as she walked to the door at the end of the hallway and into another one of the playrooms, feeling even more confused when she continued to walk towards the two glass doors, opening one to head for the garden. She stood holding the door open for him and once he was outside, she closed it.</p>
<p>“I know I shouldn’t ask but the garden?”</p>
<p>“Hold my cup for a second.” Robyn handed him her cup and walked away from him to the garden shed.</p>
<p>Taron knew well he shouldn’t question her or sometimes the strange things she did without explaining herself but when she walked out of the shed with a blue check picnic blanket, he knew his over tiredness was really kicking in. The weather was just not right for an outdoor picnic. His eyes followed her as she made her way towards the small brown play house with yellow windows and a door and she bent her head to get inside and a minute later she came out.</p>
<p>“Wanna come inside?” She asked him smiling.</p>
<p>His smile grew and he walked to the house. “Really?”</p>
<p>“It is the one place we are guaranteed full privacy without prying eyes and listening ears.”</p>
<p>“And you think I will fit in here?”</p>
<p>“You fitted on the chair; you will fit in here. Come on in. Give me the cups.” Robyn took the two steaming cups from him and moved back, settling herself onto the picnic mat, leaning her back against the plastic wall.</p>
<p>Taron ducked his head and hunched down to get into the house, getting to his knees before he turned over to sit down and shuffled backwards.</p>
<p>“Were you born in a barn?” Robyn asked him.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You left the door open.”</p>
<p>Taron exhaled loudly and moved so he could close the door and then sat back beside her, accepting the cup. “Better?”</p>
<p>“Much.” Robyn took a sip from her tea, the liquid much too sweet for her but knew there had been a reason why he had asked her to make her tea, the reason the extra sugar in her cup. Needed for her shaking hands and dipped energy levels, Robyn took another drink.</p>
<p>“So secret hideaway?” Taron asked after he drank a long sip of his coffee. “Tell me how many times have you sat in here on a picnic blanket with all the windows and door closed.”</p>
<p>“Not once.” She replied. “Been in here with a pile of kids but this is a first.” She saw him grin. “So how is work?”</p>
<p>Taron turned so he could look at her. “Really Robyn, you were never one for small talk.” Biting her lower lip, she gave him a side glance. “Why don’t we just sit in that comfortable silence we always manage to sit in.” He lifted his right arm so he could wrap it around her shoulder, his cup in his left hand. “Plenty of time later and don’t tell me you are sorry. We have been there already this morning and it is something I know. I know you are.” He moved a little closer to her. “Drink your tea.”</p>
<p>“Ok.”</p>
<p>It was a nice and quiet fifteen minutes and when the rain started to fall and hit the roof of the playhouse, it made Robyn smile. It was one of her favourite sounds, though she had to admit it was more fun listening to the rain being cosy in her bed rather than a slightly windy and cold playhouse but at least there was some warmth coming from Taron.</p>
<p>“So, this is actually a pretty decent hideout. Keeps the rain out.” He said to her.</p>
<p>“We have used it before to shelter in during heavy rain showers when we are outside with the kids.”</p>
<p>“Could do with some central heating though.” Taron nudged her.</p>
<p>“Cold?”</p>
<p>“I am glad of the jumper.”</p>
<p>“Cosy bed waiting for us at home.” Robyn blushed bright pink. “I mean… Ah Jesus. It’s just contagious now.”</p>
<p>“I am not going to lie to you, I am excited for some sleep.” Taron, though feeling a quite beat in his heart at her words, chose to not linger on them.</p>
<p>“How is work?” She asked him again.</p>
<p>“It is really good. Long shoot last night. The scene was tricky and I didn’t know my lines very well so a lot of bumbling through it but like I said, Matthew was delighted with it.”</p>
<p>“I am so glad to hear that and you can get a good nights sleep tonight.” She added.</p>
<p>“And you too? Have you been having any more nightmares?” Taron moved so he could turn to look at her better.</p>
<p>“Not one.” She saw his face turn. “I promise. My nightmares have become day terrors instead but when I finished…” She swallowed the lump in her throat and started again. “When I finished the CPR, it wasn’t you under my hands but the mannequin. I have just been seeing you everywhere when I keep my eyes open, never mind asleep. I think maybe that might change now after this morning.”</p>
<p>“I sure hope so.”</p>
<p>“Me too.” Robyn tucked her hands under her arms. “Definitely could do with some heating in here.”</p>
<p>“I guess my electric blanket is not switched on properly.” Taron joked as he took his arm from around her shoulder and reached for her right hand, pulling it a little so her could get it out from under her hand and holding it in his two, rubbing it lightly to create some heat. “I saw you were wearing your bracelet.”</p>
<p>“I wear it all the time. I love it.” Robyn was so glad of Taron’s warm hands on her cold right one but figuring it was nearly time to head back inside she stopped his hands and checked his watch under his jumper. “We should make a move.”</p>
<p>“And leave our secret playhouse?” He chuckled.</p>
<p>“Has to be done I am afraid.”</p>
<p>“I like it in here.”</p>
<p>“I figured you would. I just wanted somewhere that we couldn’t be seen. The office was too close to the kitchen, the car was easy to see in and upstairs, well yeah not so much.”</p>
<p>“I get it chicken. It is hard enough being here at the training and knowing everyone is talking about you without you actually seeing them talk about you and me appearing suddenly has probably not helped that either.”</p>
<p>“I am very glad you did come. I don’t know if I told you that. So very glad.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“I am sorry I didn’t…”</p>
<p>“And no Robyn. We are not going back there. I have told you many times, no more sorries and as much as you needed me here, I think I needed to be here too. It’s something we both needed. Now let’s head back inside and finish off this training.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. “Relief is a wonderful emotion, highly underrated. In fact, I prefer it to elation or joy. Relief lets the air out of the tire of pain.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once Robyn had tidied away the picnic blanket and she put the cups in the dishwasher in the kitchen, she took Taron’s hand and they walked back upstairs, the last to arrive, everyone sitting and chatting as Aiden got the next part of the course ready to go. They took the two seats at the end as before and Robyn’s nerves had settled until Aiden came to the part about bleeding and the different types of wounds associated with bleeding and when the trainer mentioned gun shots, he quickly stopped and immediately looked to her.</p>
<p>“It’s fine.” She assured him. “Go on.” Her hand squeezing Taron’s hard completely disagreed with what she actually thought and when his hand returned the tight grip, she knew he was feeling just as uncomfortable as she was.</p>
<p>Thankfully, Aiden didn’t linger on the subject of more severe wounds, concentrating on what they would most likely find in a creche. Ten minutes before four, he was handing out the pages with the quick quiz for the attendees to fill in, Robyn grinning when Taron asked for one too.</p>
<p>“I may as well. I have sat through it.”</p>
<p>Robyn finished the multichoice questionnaire quickly and looked to Taron as he hoovered over a and b on question seven.</p>
<p>“It’s c.” She whispered to him, seeing Taron grin and circle c.</p>
<p>“What is this one?” He asked pointing the question number two.</p>
<p>“A.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>Robyn looked to the left when she was elbowed by Emma sitting beside her. “Cheater.”</p>
<p>“He wasn’t here for the first part of the day.”</p>
<p>“Sure.” Emma smiled. “That’s your reason.”</p>
<p>With all the quizzes collected and corrected, everyone passed the refresher course and were then handed their certs, Aiden quickly hand drawing out one for Taron too, giving it to him with a grin and handshake.</p>
<p>“Thank you all for coming today and giving me your full attention. I know it is not an easy course to take but everyone gave their all and I very much appreciate that. Now enjoy the rest of your weekend.”</p>
<p>A babble of chatter filled the room as a happy mood of being free from weekend training circled the air. Robyn turned to Taron and gave him a tiny smile, suddenly feeling a whole new level of exhaustion fill her. Keeping it together during the training, she could finally fully breathe again but that shame that had been pushed to the side that morning when Taron appeared was quickly creeping back in.</p>
<p>“Stop it.” Taron could see her overthinking once again, now that she wasn’t distracted by the course and he leaned a little closer to her, knowing the increased volume of the conversation in the room would cover his words. “You are not to let yourself fall back into the guilt I know you are feeling. I am happy to be here with you. Too much has happened for us today to go backwards.”</p>
<p>She nodded in agreement and then acknowledged the staff who walked past them saying goodbye as they had some hurry in their step to leave the playroom and make the most of what was left of their weekend. Soon it was just her, Taron and Emma left in the room along with Aiden as he tidied up after the course. Once the room was somewhat empty, Robyn rolled her neck and letting go of Taron’s hand covered her mouth as she yawned.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you and Taron head back to yours.” Emma had noticed how neither Robyn or her male friend had even tried to make a move once the course finished and they still sat on the little chairs. “Been a long day for you both.”</p>
<p>“I will help you put the room back together.” Robyn stood up and went to pick up the chair she was sitting on but was stopped by Emma.</p>
<p>“The girls can do it on Monday. They will have lots of time before the children come in. Take Taron and go home.” Emma tilted her head a little, her eyebrows motioning towards Taron.</p>
<p>Robyn easily read the body language from Emma and knew she had to face the fate of Taron’s clear disappointment as he spoke to her outside earlier. “Yeah alright.” She turned to Taron. “Ready to go?”</p>
<p>“Absolutely.” He nodded. Desperate for some privacy and his chat with Robyn, he also really wanted a shower and some sleep. Getting to his feet, he looked to Emma. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Emma smiled a little. “No need for you to thank me. It was nice to see you again.” She hoped Taron got the hidden meaning behind her words and as he stepped forward to give her a hug, she knew he did.</p>
<p>Once they said one last thank you and goodbye to Aiden, they headed downstairs and while Robyn collected her belongings from her locker, Taron waited in the office. He heard a clash and clang as she dropped something and when the curse came from her lips as she dropped her keys again, he stepped into the hallway, watching as she juggled her belongings, reaching forward to take her purse before she dropped it too.</p>
<p>“Robyn?” He caught her keys just as the slipped from her hands too and he was left holding all of her things except her coat.</p>
<p>“Shit sorry Taron.” Robyn walked past him into the office and dropped her coat on her chair. “Don’t know what is going on with me.” She took her things from him, putting everything into her handbag, except her keys, leaving them on the desk.</p>
<p>“I have an idea.” He said kindly and he stepped in to give her a hug. “Adrenaline is gone and that tiredness is really settling in. Thoughts of things to come.”</p>
<p>“I hate that I did this to you.” She spoke into his chest.</p>
<p>“You have done nothing to me except protect me but you just went around it the wrong way and here in your office is not the place for this conversation. Let’s go back to yours.” Taron placed a soft kiss on her head. “And I am driving.”</p>
<p>Robyn lifted her head from him. “You are driving?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” He picked up her keys from the desk. “I am not letting you drive home like this. I know I am tired but your tired is so different to mine. I will get us back to yours and don’t even try to argue with me over it.”</p>
<p>“Whatever you want rocketman.”</p>
<p>He smiled as she used his nickname. “Great. Let’s go.” He picked up his sunglasses and hat, putting both on before swinging his bag over his right shoulder.</p>
<p>With everything in her hands except her keys, Robyn pushed the door release button and let them out of the creche, making their way to her car. She smiled as Taron crossed her path, getting to the car first at the driver’s side, unlocking the car and throwing his bag on the back seat, Robyn slipping into the passenger side. Strange having someone else drive her car, it was something she never thought Taron would ever have to do but inside she was happy for him to take over the short drive to hers, trusting him completely to get them there safely. At the moment, he was definitely the perfect person to have behind the wheel. She watched him adjust the seat a little, before he pulled his seatbelt on and then started the car, Robyn turning the radio down. The drive was quick and quiet and as the car rolled down the cul de sac of where Robyn lived, they both gave Lizzie, her mam a wave as they passed by her childhood home, Lizzie outside talking to the neighbours. Robyn cringed at the thought of her mam seeing Taron in her car and driving it too only imagining the questioning she was going to get when she saw her mam next.</p>
<p>As Taron parked the car outside her house, making sure the hand break was pulled up properly, normally what was a happy feeling inside at having Taron in her home, knowing it was some decent rest for him, was replaced by an overanxious and troubled sickening feeling for Robyn. She waited for Taron to grab his bag and then once he had locked the car, let him unlock her front door and turn off the alarm.</p>
<p>Once inside, Taron pulled off his glasses and hat and left his bag on the island and stood in the kitchen waiting for Robyn to hang up her coat. She slowly made her way to stand beside him, knowing full well what was coming, her eyes on the floor, avoiding looking at Taron.</p>
<p>“So, I want you to go into the bathroom and run yourself a nice hot bubble bath.”</p>
<p>Robyn’s head shot up. “What?”</p>
<p>“You heard me.” Taron moved a little closer to her. “It has been a hard morning and you just need to re-energise but also heat up.”</p>
<p>“Taron…”</p>
<p>“What I want to say will take me about a minute and it needs to be said when we both have clearer heads and taken some time for pumped up emotions to calm down a bit and preferably in a cuddle in my corner of the couch. We need to make sure words are not exchanged when we are still stumbling through what happened today. I know right now, my mind set isn’t perfect and seeing you perform the CPR has made me understand why you didn’t want to tell me about the training but I still needed to know about it so what I want you to do, is go and run a nice bath, put some music on and then after I take a shower we can sit and work some niggly things out. Then we put one some crappy TV in your room and sleep.” Taron placed his hands on her cheeks. “If you don’t run it, I will and you know I don’t know how to make the bath salts melt properly.”</p>
<p>Robyn smiled at him under his hands. “I would love a bath.”</p>
<p>“Go. I will find something to amuse myself with around here.”</p>
<p>“I have no doubt about that. Thanks Taron.”</p>
<p>“Take as long as you need. Is cwtch on your couch?”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Robyn answered him.</p>
<p>“Think I might go and catch up with him.”</p>
<p>“Feel free to raid the fridge Taron.”</p>
<p>“Baked goods?” He asked his eyes opening wide.</p>
<p>“Maybe.” Robyn side stepped around him to her countertop beside the fridge and pulled a plate towards her with a round cake cover on top. Taron came to stand beside her and as she lifted the lid, heard the gasp of excitedness from him.</p>
<p>“You made the chocolate cupcakes with honeycomb!” He reached forward to swipe at the pale chocolate frosting on top of the cake, eating the light frosting from his finger. “And you made them without me.” His voice held a tinge of sadness.</p>
<p>“When I don’t sleep, I bake.” Robyn answered with a shrug. “I also didn’t know you were coming and I wanted to practise them before I made them with you. Just to be sure.”</p>
<p>“Tastes good.” Taron picked a piece of honeycomb and ate it. “Delicious. I know what I am going to do now when you are in the bathroom.”</p>
<p>“Cwtch can’t have chocolate.” Robyn looked to him. “Don’t feed him cupcakes.” His smile was beautiful and the first one all day where his dimples appeared. “I don’t want to wash him.”</p>
<p>“I promise, I will be the one eating the cupcakes.”</p>
<p>“Good. Make sure you explain to cwtch that he will get his corner back too.”</p>
<p>“My corner.” Taron corrected quickly. “Cwtch was kept in a drawer under your bed before I came along.”</p>
<p>His answer made Robyn smile and she loved being able to have the little jokes and silliness with him. It was upsetting that it had been missing for them all day. “I am going to go now though I have a feeling I am going to come out to you covered in chocolate, in a chocolate coma on the couch.”</p>
<p>Taron shook his head. “You won’t. Go and take some time to relax.”</p>
<p>With a nod, Robyn walked away from him in the kitchen and headed for the bathroom through the laundry room, closing both doors behind her. It hadn’t been an idea that crossed her mind herself but after Taron made the suggestion of taking a hot bath, it was all she could think of and at the bath, got the plug in and hot water flowing quickly, adding an over generous amount of coconut bubble bath into the water, white foamy bubbles swirling in the water straight away. The tropical scent floated through the bathroom and as the water continued to flow, steam rose from the deep bath. Robyn walked into her bedroom, frowning at the mess she had left it in, the bed unmade, clothes thrown across the place. Even though she hadn’t really spent much time in her bedroom over the last few nights, it was still a state. She picked up a few random items of clothing and rolling them into a ball, threw them into an empty cubby hole in her wardrobe, then routing out one of her matching pyjama sets, laid it over the silver radiator bars in the bathroom and turned it on.</p>
<p>The bath was filling nicely and she unzipped her work fleece, throwing it into the open laundry hamper, turning to the mirror and sighing. She looked wretched and it was going to take more than a cosy sleep with Taron to rid of her the dark circles under her eyes and a lot of hydrating masks to sooth dry skin. She bent down and opened the cabinet drawer under her sink and flicking through her face masks, pulled out a pink sheet mask, perfect for rehydrating tired skin. She turned her attention back to the bath, getting to the taps just in time before the water reached the point where it would slop over the side once she got in. Going to her bath bomb wicker basket on the window, she picked up one she knew would match the coconut scent of the bubble bath and taking it from the paper packaging, threw it into the water, hearing it fizz. Once stripped and her clothes in the hamper, she eased herself into the water, wincing a little at the heat but as her body got used to the temperature of the scalding water it was glorious. Lifting her hand from the water, she pressed the button to start the bubble jets and left them on an easy sprinkle setting and then opened the face mask, placing the moisture filled sheet on her face and then lay her head back.</p>
<p>“Alexa, play Robyn’s piano favourites.” She called out into the bathroom, immediately the electronic device granting her wish. “Alex set an alarm for twenty minutes.” Alarm set and music on, Robyn closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind, to stop herself from thinking about everything she could. To forget how she had betrayed Taron’s trust and how she had a lot of grovelling to do for him which also involved as many head massages as he would like.</p>
<p>Taron had already eaten two cupcakes and was on his third as he stood in front of the piano, admiring all of Robyn’s framed pictures, particularly the ones of him and her at all of his red carpet appearances that she had accompanied him to. By far his favourite was the one Stella had taken of them in the hotel room and it was clearly Robyn’s favourite too as it took pride of place among all the photos of her family and friends. He was happy to have a little walk around, saying hello to her fish, looking out into her garden, smiling at the memory of sitting outside last year eating breakfast. The couch was calling to him but he was waiting to sit down because he knew once he sank into the comfiness of her corner couch, it wouldn’t be long before he had a nap and he wanted to stay awake until he just got his point across to Robyn that from today, things would have to change between them.</p>
<p>Eating the honeycomb from the cupcake, Taron had spent a good ten minutes wandering around her living area before he had to give in to some of the weariness he was feeling and sat down on the couch, nowhere near the corner but closer to the glass doors. He had just got settled when there was a knock on the front door.</p>
<p>“Robyn?”</p>
<p>Taron’s head turned to see Lizzie walking in, her face in slight surprise at seeing him sitting on the couch.</p>
<p>“Well, hey Taron. I thought it was you I saw in Robyn’s car. Driving it too I believe.” She closed the door and walked in towards the couch. “I didn’t know you were coming for a visit this weekend.”</p>
<p>“Well, it was a last-minute trip.” Taron stood up. “Just quick one.” He walked around the couch to greet Robyn’s mam with a light hug. “A real quick one.”</p>
<p>“Robyn normally tells me when you are coming over. It has been a while.”</p>
<p>“Just had a last-minute free day.” Taron shrugged. “Easier to get to Kilcreen now that I am in Belfast filming.”</p>
<p>“Now that she did mention.” Lizzie said with a small smile.</p>
<p>“It’s been busy but great being closer. No planes.” Taron tried to sound as upbeat as he could. “Always a plus.”</p>
<p>Lizzie saw Taron fold his arms over himself, the clear dark circles under his eyes and how he was faltering on his feet. “So, let me guess. My wonderfully stubborn daughter decided it would be in hers and yours best interest not to tell you about the first aid training she had this morning and but someone rang you to tell you and my first guess would be Claire but I am sure it was Emma and you came to Kilcreen to stand by Robyn as once again she insisted on taking on everything herself and it has been a horrible morning for both of you where neither of you got any sleep last night and Robyn is struggling once more with the frightening things that happened to you and her last year and you poor thing are here to help her but suffering through it just as much as she is.”</p>
<p>Taron’s mouth dropped open a small bit but his eyes closed as he nodded his head.</p>
<p>“I swear that daughter of mine. At times like these she is her father’s daughter. Not related to me at all. Come and sit with me.” Lizzie placed a gentle hand on Taron’s shoulder and they walked to the seats at the breakfast bar. “Sometimes I wonder if a sibling would have been good for her. She always had her cousins around, they only live next door but she is so stubbornly independent that maybe having a brother or a sister would have just opened her up more to the idea of sharing feelings and then since Keith…” Lizzie stopped to look at Taron who was avoiding her eyes. “Well, that fucker changed her into this broken scared girl and unfortunately since then she has always been out to close into herself. It wasn’t until she met you that I noticed a change in her but it seems she has been back to her old ways.” Lizzie reached for Taron’s hands. “I am so sorry she is making your life a little troublesome. Her heart is definitely in the right place just her mindset still needs to be shifted.”</p>
<p>Taron gave her another small smile. “She is not troublesome at all. In fact, she is wonderful.” The words came from his lips before he could stop them and knew his tired face blushed. “What I mean is…”</p>
<p>“I knew I liked you the first time I met you in her garden.” Lizzie smiled at him. “But the way she has treated you this weekend is not right.”</p>
<p>“She was under a lot of stress this morning.”</p>
<p>“Still no excuse for what she did Taron. Considering how close you two have gotten and how much she loves you, it really was very unfair on you though. She didn’t stop to think how her pig-headedness would affect you and not even a second thought to giving you a simple phone call. You came such a way for her and I am sure it has put you out some.”</p>
<p>“Not at all. I figured something out with work.” Taron insisted.</p>
<p>“I am sorry Taron.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to apologise for Robyn. I actually admire her stubbornness; how independent and strong she is. Granted at times, she really pushes herself too far and honestly, I was hurt by what she did today.” Taron looked to Lizzie, afraid he was going to offend her. “I know why she did it and I am not mad at her.” He quickly said. “But I just need her to see that I am here for her, especially when it comes to things that involve me, like the CPR. I want to be there for her. She has done so much for me.”</p>
<p>“You sure you a man?” Lizzie asked with a chuckle.</p>
<p>Taron returned the chuckle. “Last time I checked, yes.”</p>
<p>“You have a good heart Taron.”</p>
<p>“Blame my mother.”</p>
<p>“Now Taron, I have spoken to your mother and she is a lovely woman.”</p>
<p>Taron nodded. “The best. Lizzie, I don’t want you to be mad at Robyn either. She is already feeling shit about not telling me and I am going to talk to her about what she did but honestly, I think something may have changed for her today. I saw a different Robyn earlier, one that finally seemed to understand just how much she was actually hurting herself more than anything.”</p>
<p>“But she is hurting you too and she can’t do that Taron. I can’t imagine today was any way easy on you too. Had to be hard watching the training.”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t nice.” He answered. “I saw the CCTV footage, I know what she did but it was so close to me in the creche and so very real and even though I am tired and need to sleep, I am sure I will have a few unpleasant images in my head for a while, might find it hard to drift off.”</p>
<p>“And get back to work.”</p>
<p>“Actually, they might help with my character.”</p>
<p>“It was still something you could have been forewarned about, something you could have talked through together rather than just being thrown into it.”</p>
<p>“Robyn threw herself on me to save me all those months ago, it was the least I could have done for her and to be honest, I do think doing the CPR for Robyn and for me, was good for us. Hopefully the start of the emotional healing we both need.”</p>
<p>“I hope so Taron because I have seen Robyn broken before and I can’t bear to watch her go through it again.”</p>
<p>“You already told me how strong she is and she is a serious survivor Lizzie and like I said, there was a little bit of a change and realisation after the CPR. I think a little light bulb might have gone off for her.”</p>
<p>Lizzie was so thankful for the patient man sitting beside her. “I really hope so but a lot of that is down to you Taron. You are the one perfect thing going for her at the moment and I really don’t want that to change but if she keeps blocking you out, I am worried that it…”</p>
<p>“It won’t.” Taron interrupted her quickly. “I am not going anywhere. Believe me, I am too involved now to go anywhere plus if she keeps baking me chocolate cupcakes, I can’t see a way out.” He joked.</p>
<p>Lizzie placed her hands on Taron’s face, finally making him look at her properly. “You have given her so much, already helped her more than I can explain but I don’t want her treating you like this because you deserve the same love you give her in abundance and believe me Taron, she does love you but as you also know, has a lot of demons to conquer.” She leaned into gently kiss his forehead, Taron smiling as it was the same delicate gesture Robyn always gave to him. “Thank you for being so kind to her, for treating her right.”</p>
<p>Taron placed his hands on Lizzies. “Your daughter did something for me that I will never be able to repay her for.”</p>
<p>“You have no idea how much you have done for her already Taron.” Lizzie took her hands from his face. “She still hasn’t stopped talking about that tent you made for her and that bracelet hasn’t left her wrist.” She was so glad to see a smile fill his face. “And I cannot even begin to explain to you how much her confidence has grown, how those little weekend trips to see you just excite her. It’s new and it’s wonderful and I just need to thank you for giving her back her spark, for helping her get it back.” She moved to give him a hug. “And don’t be afraid to give her a little bit of hell for what she did.”</p>
<p>“Lizzie…” Taron tried to break the hug but Robyn’s mam hugged him tighter.</p>
<p>“She listens to you Taron and I honestly think, if it comes from you, it means so much more than coming from me or her dad.  I know how much she loves you and of everyone in her life at the moment, you are the one person she will not want to disappoint.”</p>
<p>“Just a little word.” He agreed. “A small one. She already knows.”</p>
<p>“I am sure she does Taron but make sure she knows. I don’t want her to lose you.”</p>
<p>This time it was Taron who hugged Lizzie tighter. “She won’t. I am sorry to say but she is kind of stuck with me and hopefully for a very long time.”</p>
<p>“I think her dad and I might just be ok with that.”</p>
<p>Taron laughed. “My mam is pretty chuffed too.”</p>
<p>“Someday we are going to have meet your family.”</p>
<p>“I very much look forward to that day.”</p>
<p>Their heads turned as they heard the music in the bathroom stop.</p>
<p>“Guess that is my cue to go. I don’t want her to know I was here.”</p>
<p>“I won’t say a word.” Taron agreed. “Thanks Lizzie. I needed a little pick me up.”</p>
<p>“I can only imagine but I think Robyn might be able to help with the rest.” Lizzie stood up and walked around the breakfast bar, stopping to look to Taron. “Ask her for a head massage. I have heard you like those.” Lizzie left him with a little wink and wide smile, another deep red blush filling Taron’s face as she left.</p>
<p>Lizzie had only left when the bedroom door opened and Robyn walked out, looking more refreshed and slightly happier in herself, wearing the matching white ski pyjamas he had found in her old bedroom when he had snooped through her shelves.</p>
<p>Robyn was so glad she had set the alarm because she had found herself dozing and the jingle woke her up, with a little splash, the water now luke warm, a lot of the frothy bubbles gone. Carefully getting out of the bath, she hopped into the shower to wash the glitter residue off from the bath bomb but also to wash her hair. Slipping into her warmed pyjama’s she was thrilled to have washed the day off, glad it was mostly done with and as she sat drying her hair, felt very apprehensive about what Taron had to say. Disappointing him was a suffering she didn’t want to have to go through again but knew he needed to have his say and was going to let him, hoping she could keep herself together to listen because seeing Taron in pain was her worst fear.</p>
<p>When she walked out to her living area, he was swinging around on one her breakfast bar stools. She walked over to the bar, smiling as he continued to twirl around.</p>
<p>“Having fun?”</p>
<p>“Lots.” He answered spinning once more. “Have a nice bath?”</p>
<p>“It was perfect.”</p>
<p>“Feeling warmer?”</p>
<p>“Much.”</p>
<p>“Wearing your Eddie pj’s?”</p>
<p>“Not my Eddie pj’s but yes.”</p>
<p>“No shorts?”</p>
<p>“Not for the moment.” Robyn walked around the breakfast bar to stand beside him. “The bathroom is all yours.” She looked over his shoulder to the plates with the cupcakes, noticing some missing. “Your tummy happy too?”</p>
<p>“Very.” He agreed with a grin. “They were yummy.” He got down off the stool. “I am going to go and shower.”</p>
<p>“Take as long as you want. I know you love that rainfall shower or I could run you a bath if you would like.”</p>
<p>“Thank you but no. I will stick to a shower.” He walked to the island and picked up his bag. “I may have to borrow a few things in your bathroom. I am not too sure what I packed in here this morning.”</p>
<p>“You know you can use whatever you want.”</p>
<p>Taron nodded and started to walk away from her but turned back. “I like your pictures. On your piano.”</p>
<p>“Me too.” She answered him. “Go and shower.”</p>
<p>He nodded at her and walked into her bedroom, dropping his bag on the bed. He pulled his jumper off and dropped it beside his bag, his shirt landing on the duvet next. He zipped open his bag, rummaging inside and sighed as he realised what he had packed. One clean pair of boxers and some sweat pants. Thrown at the bottom of his bag was a can of deodorant and a toothbrush. It seemed that packing in a rush and haze of disorientated worry and annoyance had not worked in his favour and he realised he was going to need to borrow more than a few things. Walking into the bathroom, he opened his belt as he went, inhaling the gorgeous feminine scent left in the neatly organised wash room from Robyn and her bath. He turned on the shower and stripped down, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor. He was going to have to ask Robyn would she mind if he put a wash on if he was going to have any clean clothes for tomorrow.</p>
<p>The shower was definitely needed and more beneficial than a bath and that powerful rainfall shower just pounded on tired muscles. He quickly washed his hair, used Robyn’s lime shower gel and as he stepped out of the shower, saw the towel waiting on the heated radiator for him, Robyn still looking out for him in the smallest of ways. It was so warm on his chilly skin and once dried he put on the one pair of boxers he brought with him and the grey sweat pants. He picked up the black jumper and his shirt from the bed and headed back into the bathroom to pick up the clothes he had left on the floor and walked into the laundry room and put them in the empty laundry hamper. He grabbed a fresh towel from the shelf and was towel drying his hair as he walked back into the living room, Robyn standing in the kitchen at the hob at the counter.</p>
<p>“Could I borrow a t-shirt?” He asked walking over to her. “I seemed to have left everything behind in Belfast.”</p>
<p>While Taron showered, Robyn whisked up some eggs, cooking them slowly in a saucepan and had some bread in the toaster waiting to be pushed down. She felt a little hungry and knowing how many cupcakes Taron already had, figured he would like some food. She turned when she heard his voice, her heart fluttering as he walked towards her in just his comfy sweatpants.</p>
<p>“My t-shirt?” She asked him.</p>
<p>“Technically one of mine but yes one of yours but as I gave it to you it will fit me and perhaps, I could borrow it for tonight? Or the hoodie?”</p>
<p>“Sure of course. You stir the eggs and I will get it.”</p>
<p>“Eggs?” He asked coming to stand beside her, taking the blue spatula from her hands.</p>
<p>“I thought you might have been hungry.”</p>
<p>“A little.”</p>
<p>“Eggs ok? I can make you a sandwich.” Robyn quickly said, worried her simply choice of food wasn’t the right choice for him.</p>
<p>“Eggs are perfect.” Taron nodded as he kept stirring. “No need for sandwich. I will happily eat some eggs and toast, maybe a cup of tea.”</p>
<p>Robyn gave him a little smile. “Let me go and get the t-shirt for you. You watch the eggs.” She held her hand out for the towel he was using to dry his hair and he handed it to her. She then walked away from him and through the laundry room, dropping the towel into the laundry basket, seeing his clothes already in there, making a mental note to pop a wash on for him when they were finished talking. She made her way in through the steamy bathroom and to her wardrobe. Reaching into the cubby hole that held her pyjama tops, she found Taron’s blue t-shirt he had given her mixed in with her other band t-shirts. She carried it back out to the kitchen. “Here ya go.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Taron passed the spatula back to her and fluffed the folded blue material out, slipping into it, inhaling the wonderful fresh scent of fabric softener as he pulled his head through. “I literally brought four things with me.”</p>
<p>“Bit of rush to pack this morning then.” She asked him as he smoothed down his t-shirt over his chest.</p>
<p>“Yeah and in a very sleepy haze.” Taron leaned his left hip against the counter.</p>
<p>Robyn pressed the toast down and handed Taron the spatula so he could continue to stir their eggs. “I promise you will sleep well tonight.” She moved to the kettle and lifting it from its perch, filled it at the sink, then clicking it back in place and switching it on.</p>
<p>“As I always do in your bed. Any chance I could put on a wash too?”</p>
<p>“Of course Taron. I saw your stuff in the hamper. You know you don’t have to ask.”</p>
<p>“Great. Thank you.” He let her take over the stirring of the eggs.</p>
<p>“Want me to help you?”</p>
<p>“No thanks. I got it. Want me to put your stuff on too?”</p>
<p>“Please.” She called back to him and he walked to the hamper in the bathroom and gathered up her clothes. Once at the machine, he pushed all of her bits in, his clothes after. He then added the powder and fabric softener, getting the machine going. Robyn had shown him how to use her washing machine before and he was a whizz at it now and once he was sure it was whirling round, made his way back out to Robyn in her kitchen.</p>
<p>“Want some help?” He asked coming to stand beside her again.</p>
<p>“Can you do the toast?”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>It took them five minutes to dish up two plates of hot scrambled eggs and triangles of buttered toast, with a pot of tea for Taron and they sat together at the breakfast bar, both eating in silence, both finishing off all the food in front of them. Robyn wasn’t surprised to see that Taron had cleaned his plate and finished most of the tea in the teapot but more so that she had eaten everything as well. It was the most food she had eaten in two days but now that the food was gone and they moved to wash up, she could feel the guilt and shame filter back into her as she dried the last fork, putting it in its place in the cutlery drawer. She knew Taron needed to have his say, that he definitely deserved to defend himself, but she hated that he had to do it and really wasn’t looking forward to see that horrible sadness in his beautiful eyes again.</p>
<p>As Taron dried his hands, he could see a change in Robyn and that light heartedness that filled the room earlier was gone and they hadn’t spoken a word to each other in the last twenty minutes which wasn’t unusual for them. They had sat in silence together on many occasions but it was so obvious Robyn was once again back in her head and torturing herself.</p>
<p>“Come and sit with me.” He said gently, taking her hand with his left, dropping the tea towel on the sink. He led her to the couch but avoided sitting in the corner, instead sitting near the edge guiding her past him so she sat his right. “Robyn…”</p>
<p>“Taron you don’t…”</p>
<p>“Just let me say one thing.”</p>
<p>“No Taron.” Robyn placed her hand over his mouth, stopping him from talking. “Just no.” She took her hand away from him and waited a few seconds to see if he was going to interrupt her again. When he didn’t, she continued speaking, turning around to face him. “You don’t have to explain it to me and honestly I don’t think I can listen to you tell me again that my selfish actions have hurt you because that is the one thing I never ever want to hear you say again or for me to ever do to you again.” Robyn took a quick breath, trying to keep ready to fall tears at bay. Knowing that she had hurt him, that he admitted to her that she had done so, was something she was never going to forget so easily. “I know you know I am sorry but there shouldn’t have been something for me to be sorry for. It was so easy for me to slip back into my old ways, when I promised you two weeks ago that I wouldn’t do that anymore but old habits are hard to let go of but let me tell you something, I never ever want to see the hurt in your eyes or in your voice again.” Robyn reached for his hands and cupped his two warm hands between hers. “It is not an excuse for what happened but I am still getting used to having someone like you who isn’t my family or friends and you probably figured I don’t tell them everything either.”</p>
<p>“Robyn…” Taron started but stopped when Robyn shook her head at him.</p>
<p>“I just need to you to understand how disappointed I am with myself for hurting you so. I was so caught up in my own misery that I never thought how you needed to know about the training, about how it would affect you too and that is wrong Taron. It is wrong for me to just cut you out, to be so unaware of your feelings and own emotions from the CPR and of all the people around me, you are one I don’t ever want to treat like that.” Robyn rubbed his hands with her two thumbs. “You have been nothing but kind to me and you only deserve to be treated with the same respect you give me and I know my words are probably shit at the moment but I give you my word, when I say I will tell you everything and share with you all these important things you need to know and let me start with assuring you that I have not had one nightmare since London and that’s why you haven’t had a late-night phone call from me. I wasn’t lying when I said it was daily visions but I think now they just might be gone. Before the CPR it was all I could see but once we finished, they vanished. I think it was the anxiety attached to the CPR and when that was done, a serious weight was lifted from my shoulders.” Robyn gave his hands a light squeeze. “But if they come back, I will tell you.” She let go of his hands and sat back on the couch, running her hands through her hair, looking to him, trying to put as much sincerity into her words that she could manage without crumbling on the couch in pity. “I swear Taron, I value and regard you in the highest esteem and I will never forgive myself for how I have behaved and treated you, being silent and not sharing with you and if you want to rant at me some more, I know I deserve it but Jesus Taron I will never ever let you down again or have you leaving work to come and talk to me because I know how important your work is to you and how much this movie means to you and you shouldn’t have to leave to come and chastise me for acting like a child and…”</p>
<p>Robyn found her words cut off as she was pulled into a tight hug, Taron’s two strong arms wrapped around her back tight as he closed the gap between them, turning to face her so he could hug her hard. She melted into him and slid her face in his neck, breathing in that wonderful fresh scent from his clean skin and hair, locking her arms around his back too.</p>
<p>Taron had watched Robyn go into one of her endless speeches and instead of her usual words of encouragement, she was straight into another apology to him and he could see her doing her very best to hold her tears in and keep her voice steady, feeling how hard she was squeezing is hands, not even noticing she was doing so. He knew she was sorry and as he had said to her mam earlier, could see the change in her and had a feeling that finally something had clicked with Robyn and her mindset had finally shifted to where she knew she could and must trust him and he wouldn’t hurt her in return so it was very easy for him to hug her, ending her apology and he hoped the firmness of the hug was enough for her to realise that all was definitely forgiven.</p>
<p>“No more tears, no more apologies.” He said into her shoulder. “I know.”</p>
<p>“Taron, if you…” Robyn began but he stopped her by tightening the hug.</p>
<p>“You have just said everything I wanted to say to you so I am not going to repeat it. It’s been a hard day for both of us and now we put it behind us and move forward and if we really want to go into people leaving work to chastise the other, don’t forgot you skipped a day’s work to come to New York to me. We are even and you and me have been through way too much to let today change us. You know I forgive you and you know you don’t have to apologise any more to me.”</p>
<p>“But Taron we can’t just leave it like this. I hurt you so much.”</p>
<p>“You did and you know this. I am not made of steel and I can feel just as much as you can and I know you didn’t mean too. It was the pressure of the course and taking it all on yourself and not leaning on others for support, leaning on me but I trust that from now on, you will talk to me. I am only a phone call away and a two-hour drive now too and Robyn I really think we are quits on the who has ever made the other person feel worse. Let’s not forget Paris either. Both of us have made mistakes but we are going to move on. I know you are sorry chicken. I am always here for you. That is never going to change. Please just don’t shut me out again.”</p>
<p>Robyn moved her left in circles around his back, while her right trailed up into his hair. “I won’t. I am…”</p>
<p>“Shh…” Taron soothed gently. “I know and it’s done. I don’t want to hear any more talk about it. Been a shit day for both of us and now we are definitely putting it behind us and moving on.” He moved his head to give her cheek a little kiss.</p>
<p>Robyn felt her whole body finally relax and she smiled at his little kiss. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Just make me more chocolate cupcakes.”</p>
<p>They both laughed, that light mood returning.</p>
<p>“I will make you whatever you want and hand deliver it every evening to your set if it is what you want.”</p>
<p>Taron moved away from her and back into his place on the couch. “Is that a promise?” He asked with a wide grin.</p>
<p>“Whatever you want rocketman.”</p>
<p>“Cookies.” Taron answered before she even finished speaking. “White chocolate chip cookies.”</p>
<p>Robyn laughed again. “Done.” She sat back into the couch, feeling Taron move closer to her so their shoulders were touching. “I will make some for you to bring back with you.” She turned her head as she saw him nodded happily in agreement to the cookies. The tough conversation wasn’t as tough as she thought it was going to be and all she knew was that she had never met a man like Taron before who was so willing to accept her flaws and give her the best hugs she had ever had.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey all,<br/>This is the last part to this Robyn and Taron story.<br/>Thank you so very much for all the lovely comments, ready, kudos and support. Thanks for loving Robyn and Taron as much as I do.<br/>The next story in the series will be along in a few weeks, once I finish writing it.<br/>Suze xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taron was pleased to have the tough conversation finished with, so glad Robyn really understood where he was coming from and now felt he could properly relax and let his body rest. He tried to hide a yawn but he bought his hands to his mouth to cover it in the end.</p>
<p>“You want a scratchy head massage?” Robyn saw the effort he made to try and not yawn but the fatigue was so evident on his face. “It’s the least I can do for you.”</p>
<p>Taron just wanted to throw himself onto her legs so she could get started on his head massage that second but tried to appear not interested, giving his shoulders a shrug. “If you want.”</p>
<p>“I know you want.” Robyn shuffled down the couch opening up the space between them. She was about to pat her legs, but Taron had already moved and was ready to lay his head on her legs and she smiled down at him as he settled on his back, his head on her lap, his hands resting on his stomach, his feet dangling off the edge of the couch. She let her right rest gently on his head and slowly started to move her fingers, massaging the crown of his head, seeing his eyes close as she applied a tiny bit of pressure with her finger tips to his scalp. As she scratched his head, she let her left hand rest on his hands and her smile grew even more when he moved his hands so her hand was caught in-between his two.</p>
<p>“Massages and cupcakes. I love coming to see you.” Taron said quietly as he tilted his head back into her hand.</p>
<p>His words made her grin. “My Welsh knight in shining armour, always coming through for me.” She replied to him.</p>
<p>Taron didn’t answer her but kept his eyes closed, enjoying the wonderful sensation on his head. He had to admit, it was something he had expected to get from Robyn but not so soon. Hearing her speech, he knew he didn’t have to give his two cents on what she had done. He could see she was sincere as she spoke and had said all he wanted to say, so was very happy to move on and away from their tough morning, not wanting to linger on hurt feelings for either of them. As far as he was concerned, all was very much forgiven and he was ready to just enjoy his time with her. Taron was so thrilled to be under her hands, getting a perfect head massage and knowing that although his reason for coming initially hadn’t been a happy once, everything had worked itself out in the end.</p>
<p>As she ran her fingers in circles through his hair, Robyn could see him trying not to smile under her hand but his eyes were creasing a little at the sides. “Your hair is growing.”</p>
<p>“So you told me earlier. Going to be cut this week though.” His eyes rolled behind closed lids as Robyn took her left hand from his hands and now was using two hands to knead his head behind his ears. It was absolutely heaven for him and so badly needed not only after a rough day but a long week on set too. “Has to be cut for scene consistency.”</p>
<p>“Well, I am glad I got to see it a little longer.” As her right hand rubbed his head, her left index finger moved to stroke his nose and she heard the deep exhaled sigh he made and she continued to stroke his nose before going over his eyebrows, knowing he liked that. She was very happy to and wanted to give Taron all the forms of perfect relaxations she knew he enjoyed, needing to show him how much she did appreciate him. Rubbing her finger over his left eyebrow, she had seen the slightly unevenness of the brow before, the slanted scar midway through his brow but never asked him about it. “What happened here?” She enquired, lightly running over the marred skin.</p>
<p>“Bike accident as a kid.” He answered, feeling the wonderfully soft caress of her finger on his forehead “Lot of blood and left a mark.”</p>
<p>“So, I can see.”</p>
<p>“Lots of little scars you don’t know about yet. Just like secret hidden tattoos.” He grinned.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t a secret.” Robyn defended. “Just not talked about.”</p>
<p>“So, a secret then.” Taron repeated, moving a little away from as she tickled his side. “No more tickles. Head massages was the agreement.”</p>
<p>“Okie dokie.” Robyn agreed and concentrated on massaging his head, varying the pressure with her hands, making sure to get a little extra face massage in for him too. As the time moved on, she could see his eye lids flutter, hear his breathing deepening and knew he was slowly heading for a comfortable sleep. “Should we move this to the bedroom?” Asked Robyn, rolling her eyes at her own words. “Yeah, I know, I know.” She saw sparkly green eyes staring at her. “What I meant is that I can see you starting to doze so let’s move to where you can sleep more comfortably.”</p>
<p>“What time is it?” He asked her.</p>
<p>“Just before six.”</p>
<p>“Way too early to go to bed.” He said, stretching out, his arms going over his head in a delightful long body stetch.</p>
<p>“Well, if you insist on a head massage, I know you are going to fall asleep on me.”</p>
<p>“But I don’t wanna!” He said crossing his arms over his chest.</p>
<p>“Taron, you are tired.” Robyn answered his childlike response.</p>
<p>“Am not. You are tired.”</p>
<p>“Taron!” Robyn gently slapped his chest. “We are both tired and we also both know that this couch does nothing for your back.”</p>
<p>“Don’t wanna.” Taron said again moving to sit up, crossing his arms over his chest once more.</p>
<p>“Taron David Egerton.” Robyn turned to face him.</p>
<p>“Robyn Rose Quinn.” Taron sunk down in the couch. “No sleeping.”</p>
<p>“Ok well what do you want to do then?” She asked him. “I mean the cosy bed sleeping is your favourite.”</p>
<p>“I wanna dance.”</p>
<p>“What?” Robyn became very confused. “Dance?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He got to his feet. “Alexa, play We Found Love by Rihanna.”</p>
<p>Robyn stared at Taron as he got some music playing and moved away from the couch, around the coffee table and to in front of the television, a wide smile on his face as the first beats of the song came on. She was still puzzled by what Taron was up to, why all of a sudden he wanted to dance and her eyes opened wide as he started to sing along loudly to the words, bouncing from one foot to the other, his bounces becoming higher as the stronger beat of the song kicked in, his voice echoing around the living room as he continued to sing.</p>
<p>“Taron…” Robyn stopped speaking when he held his hands up to her and then indicating that he was singing and dancing as he moved his feet.</p>
<p>As the dance break kicked in, Taron was really feeling the music and started to move his body some more, taking steps forward and backward, moving his knees and then his arms over his head back and forth, hearing laughing coming from the couch. “What?” He asked loudly over the music.</p>
<p>“That is the worst dad dancing I have ever seen!” Robyn was almost embarrassed for him as he showed off his moves.</p>
<p>“Dad dancing!” Taron shouted. “How dare you!” He continued his shuffle, now moving his hips too, turning around to shake his bum, knowing his reason for doing so would be worth it as he heard some more deep laughter from Robyn. He jumped back around to face her and clapping his hands in time to the music, side stepped to the island and picked up his hat and put it on backwards and then his sunglasses on his face. Giving his all, pushing his tiredness to the side, he jumped up and down on his way back to the centre of the living area, giving his dancing everything he had, letting the music fill him, closing his eyes behind his glasses and moving his hands in the hair again, going back to jumping up and down, his head nodding along to the beat. He went back into terrible dad dancing mode and made his way towards Robyn who was still laughing at him. “Come dance with me!” He said to her holding his hands out to her.</p>
<p>“Hell no! This is your time to shine and show off you moves.”</p>
<p>“Come and dance with me!”</p>
<p>“No!”</p>
<p>Taron gave her a grin and shuffled his way towards the piano and where he knew her Alexa was set up and pressed the increase volume button a few times, until the music was very loud. He shuffled back to her, moving his shoulders and held out his hands again. “Come and dance with me!” He shouted. “Or I will pull out the running man and water sprinkler.” When she didn’t make a move, Taron immediately started to move his legs in his best attempt at the nineties dance and before he could even get his hand behind his head to start the sprinkler dance, he looked to Robyn. “Dance with me! I have more.” He held out his hands and smiled as Robyn reached out to take them and he pulled her to her feet and dragged her towards the open space in front of her coffee table and in time with the music started to jump while still holding her hands. “Come on chicken!”</p>
<p>His sudden energy was spilling from every part of him but it was his beautiful dimpled smile that changed her mind and joining in with him, she started to jump up and down in time to the music, both dancing as if they were in the middle of a nightclub and the DJ was playing the best set and she found a similar smile on her face as he twirled her around. Once back facing him, she took his hat from his head and pulled it sideways onto her own. Reaching forward she took his sunglasses too and slipped them on, giving into the dance music and dancing around with her hands in the air, singing along to the words with Taron both clapping in time to the music.</p>
<p>Taron was impressed with his quick little plan, something to lift both their moods and knew she would give into him if he acted silly and watching her jump around, wearing his hat and glasses, nodding along to the music, dancing as if she had no care in the world was exactly what he had wanted and he could see her anxiety really melting away and although he knew both of them were exhausted, the rhythmic song was perfect to infuse a little energy into them, to help them release some pent up feelings and to just be silly together. He went straight for his dad dancing again, laughing loudly and Robyn joined in, both of the moving their legs and arms in similar fashion until the beat picked up and they turned back to typical club dancing, just bouncing around the room together.</p>
<p>Robyn took his sunglasses off and held them in her hand as she found it hard to see through the tinted glass and wanted to see Taron in his element, laughing and smiling and enjoying himself. It was a lift she desperately needed, a way to just let go and together have some fun. The song ended and both were a little breathless but smiling widely.</p>
<p>“See dad dancing, all the rage!” He came to stand beside her, fixing his hat so it sat properly on her head.</p>
<p>“Guess it is catchy.” She put his sunglasses back on.</p>
<p>“They suit you.” Taron reached forward to make the glasses sit a little more straight. “Maybe a bit too big.”</p>
<p>“I don’t really wear sunglasses. When I am driving, but that’s it.”</p>
<p>“I wear them a lot. Good for paparazzi flashes. Hiding tired eyes.”</p>
<p>“You have more reason than me.”</p>
<p>“What about when you go on holidays?” He watched as she shook her head. “Not even on holidays?”</p>
<p>“Tan lines.” She simply said, taking his glasses off. “I have this thing about tan lines.” She saw Taron raise an eyebrow and how his smile quickly turned boyish and shy. “Head out of the gutter. Thanks for the dance. It was needed.”</p>
<p>“You are welcome.” He answered her taking his glasses back. “The idea just came to me.”</p>
<p>“Because you didn’t want to go to sleep.”</p>
<p>“I just don’t want to over sleep. It’s still a bit early.”</p>
<p>“Over sleep?”</p>
<p>“If I get too much sleep tonight, then I will find it harder to get to sleep tomorrow night and I have an early rise on Monday.” He saw Robyn look away from him. “Hey, don’t make me put on another dance track cos I will. I am glad to be here with you.”</p>
<p>“I can drive you back tomorrow.” Robyn looked to him. “I would be happy too.”</p>
<p>“Thank you and I know you would but Matthew organised a driver for me. He is coming for me around six. We still have the rest of this evening, which I think will be spent sleeping for both of us and then tomorrow where we have to make cookies.”</p>
<p>“Make cookies and maybe have another dance?"</p>
<p>Taron laughed. “Sure. We can do that too but I have something else we can do this evening before we hit the hay.” He saw the little apprehension in her face. “I think we should ring the lady in the hospital, Penny, to book an appointment for you to talk to her.”</p>
<p>Robyn bit her lip and then nodded. “I think that is something we should do.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Taron asked not used to hearing Robyn agree so readily with him.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I think it is something I need to do, to talk to her. Like I said earlier, I can’t keep going on like this.”</p>
<p>Taron nodded “And then there is something else I think we should do.” He saw her face fall again. “I think we definitely need to ring Mari to give her your RSVP to her birthday invite.”</p>
<p>Robyn’s face turned into a happy smile. “I think we should definitely do that.”</p>
<p>“Penny first though?” He confirmed taking off his glasses and dropping them on the coffee table.</p>
<p>“Sure.” Robyn agreed and left his hat beside his sunglasses on the table.</p>
<p>“Let me get my phone and the number.” Taron walked to the bathroom to get the piece of paper he had dug from his jeans pockets before he stripped for the shower, picking it up from the window sill and then grabbed his phone from the kitchen island on the way, coming back to the couch, going straight for the corner, moving cwtch a little so he could sit in his usual space, sinking happily into the soft material.</p>
<p>“Miss your corner?” Robyn asked watching as he got comfortable, sitting beside him, reaching over his legs to grab cwtch.</p>
<p>“So much and as comfy as ever. I don’t think we will stay here too long. I can feel my body quickly getting sleepy again.” Taron said as he opened the crumbled piece of paper, the hand written phone number for Penny inside. He quickly tapped the number into the keypad on his phone. “Want me to do this for you?” He asked seeing from the corner of his eye how tightly Robyn was cuddling cwtch.</p>
<p>“You mind?”</p>
<p>“Not at all.”</p>
<p>With a nod, Robyn moved so she could lean her head on Taron’s shoulder, keeping cwtch nestled to her chest, being close enough to him so she could hear the conversation on the phone as Taron booked her appointment. The lady on the phone was initially short with Taron, telling him she had no available appointments in the near future but once he mentioned Aiden’s name, explaining their situation, her tone changed and with a little sweet talking from the Welshman, Taron really putting on his accent, he got an appointment for Robyn for Wednesday evening just after seven and another for the following week for the two of them, Taron agreeing to a conference call, assuring the therapist that he would be able to schedule a break on his filming to take the call.</p>
<p>“Thank you so very much Penny.” Taron ended the call and gently let his head rest on Robyn’s which was still on his shoulder. “You ok?”</p>
<p>“Strangely yes.” She answered him. “Just another little bit of weight lifted from my shoulders.”</p>
<p>“See sharing is good.” Taron gave her a little nudge.</p>
<p>“So, I am quickly learning.”</p>
<p>“Can we call Mari now?” He asked. Thrilled with the change he could already see in her, Taron was so happy to move on to more lighter phone calls. “She is going to be so excited to know you can go to her birthday.” Taron lifted his head from hers. “I mean you can go right? I just presumed you would go now that your training is done. Can you take the days off to come to Aber?”</p>
<p>“The twenty second right?”</p>
<p>“Yep. It’s a Saturday. Her birthday is actually Friday but with school she asked to have a party on Saturday and if the weather keeps up the way it is back in Aber, she wants to do a family picnic on the beach on the Sunday, which of course you are invited to as well. I know it is a lot of days to ask off for you.”</p>
<p>Robyn smiled. “I will happily ask for the Friday and Monday off. I have some holiday days left and all that overtime I could use. Probably take a half day Friday though. I can finish around half eleven and then head to the airport.”</p>
<p>“My flight is booked for late Thursday evening. I am needed for important birthday celebrations on Friday morning and then equally important party planning business too when the girls are in school, so I need to be at home with enough time to take part in all birthday plans but I will be there for you at mine when you arrive in the afternoon. I am sure you will be dragged back to Mam’s that evening for even more birthday celebrations.”</p>
<p>“I think I would be very much ok with that. I never really had the opportunity to do the younger sibling or cousins birthday party thing. I am the youngest in my family.”</p>
<p>“You won’t be saying that on Sunday evening when it is all done. My sisters can be very loud.”</p>
<p>“I work with children.” Robyn gently reminded him. “I am used to the noise.”</p>
<p>Taron chuckled a little. “Well don’t say I didn’t warn you.”</p>
<p>“When do you have to fly back?” She asked him, her cheek still resting on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I head back Monday but quite early. We are on night shoots the week after Mari’s birthday weekend so I need to be back on set ready to go.”</p>
<p>“Are you flying from Dublin?” She asked with a little hope.</p>
<p>“Nope from Belfast.”</p>
<p>“I will book the days off and then the flights.”</p>
<p>“You sure you…”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Robyn interrupted him quickly. “I want to be there. I can’t tell you the last time I was invited to a costume party.” Robyn grinned as Taron’s face fell a little. “You forgot about the costume part, haven’t you.”</p>
<p>“Shit yes I did.”</p>
<p>“Really? I am sure Mari has been on about this for weeks now.”</p>
<p>“She has but I haven’t gotten around to sorting one yet. What are you going to dress up as?” He asked.</p>
<p>Robyn thought for a second. “I have no idea. I am only learning of my attendance at this moment so I have an excuse of not being prepared. You as the loving older brother, have none.”</p>
<p>Taron frowned at her. “Thanks for the help.”</p>
<p>“I am sure you can borrow something from the costume department from set or you must still be in contact with Julian from the Rocketman set. I am sure he can lend you an outfit.”</p>
<p>“Sure, because those costume are suited for a kids party.” Taron let his head drop back onto the couch.</p>
<p>“You will figure something out. Now shall we call Mari and let her know she has one more guest to her party?”</p>
<p>“Face time ok with you?” He asked picking up his phone. “If I just call, there will be two sad little sisters knowing I am here with you but yet they don’t get to see you.”</p>
<p>“And a mother too.”</p>
<p>“And mam too.”</p>
<p>“Sure, I don’t mind.”</p>
<p>Robyn moved her head from his shoulder as Taron clicked into his contacts to call his mother. He was trying to quickly figure out in his head what he was going to say to him mam when she saw that he was sitting on Robyn’s couch. His mam knew he had no plans to go and see Robyn any time soon, so needed an excuse fast to explain why he was suddenly with her, knowing full well that he was going to get one thorough questioning when he was alone. He felt Robyn lift her head, settling against him, still holding cwtch and finally felt that at the last the two of them were back to being themselves and he was so glad of it. Robyn had followed through with her promise of making the appointment and let him do it without fuss and now knowing she was going to be coming to Aber for the weekend, his whole mood was so excited for the upcoming trip home.</p>
<p>“Taron! Hello love!” His mam’s face appeared on the phone screen. “Nice to see you. On a break from filming? Thought you were caught up all day?” Tina gave him a wide smile, her head tilting lightly to the right. “You get a new couch in your trailer?” She asked him.</p>
<p>“Not quite.” Taron moved the phone so Robyn’s face came into view.</p>
<p>“Hi Tina.”</p>
<p>“Robyn! What a nice surprise. So lovely to see you.”</p>
<p>“You too Tina.”</p>
<p>“Taron, I thought you told me you didn’t have a day off till next weekend, that you didn’t expect to see Robyn for a while yet. Something about your work schedules clashing?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that was what I had told you but…” Taron’s voice quietened.</p>
<p>“But he rang me last night to say that Matthew was pissed off at the weather and constant rain, that he called halt on filming for the weekend.” Robyn finished for him. “So, Taron called me and asked if he could come down for the night, take some time away from the set. I told him he knew was welcome to stay with me whenever he wanted so has come to see me for the weekend.”</p>
<p>“I got a lift down this morning around nine and was in Robyn’s just after eleven. Matthew wanted to try and finish one scene last night so we shot quite late and then he organised a car for me. I slept on the journey.”</p>
<p>“Well, I am sure you were glad it wasn’t a two hour wait at an airport and then an hour’s flight.” Tina smiled. “Nice to see you both finally got to take advantage of how close you are to each other.” She tried to keep her voice light and cheery but could see the exhaustion on her son’s face, the same matching fatigue on Robyn’s. She wondered just what on earth they had been through once again but trusted in her son and kept the smile on her face.</p>
<p>“It has only been two weeks since we saw each other.” Robyn replied.</p>
<p>“True but when you are ever going to be so close to each other again.” Tina asked. “And I know my Taron is partial to your baking.” Tina saw a light blush fill his cheeks. “So, what did you get this time? Cake? A pie? Home cooked meal?”</p>
<p>Robyn’s face filled with a wide grin, knowing well how embarrassed Taron was at the moment but she was very happy to feed into Tina’s light teasing. “Chocolate cupcakes with honeycomb shards.”</p>
<p>“Robyn, I do think you are in the wrong profession. I know you are wonderful at your job, but a future as a baker might also be calling you.”</p>
<p>Robyn laughed. “It crossed my mind once or twice. Owning a nice coffee shop where I could bake and feed people but childcare just happened to be something I was very good at, the only thing I could do well and know I could do right, so I like to just bake for myself now.”</p>
<p>Tina gave the young woman and understanding smile. “And Taron.”</p>
<p>“And Taron.”</p>
<p>“And my daughters and husband.”</p>
<p>Robyn chuckled. “Let’s just say your family.”</p>
<p>“And speaking of your daughters,” Taron interrupted. “Where are my little sisters? Robyn has something she would like to tell Mari.”</p>
<p>“Outside playing in the last of the evening sun. It seems it hasn’t reached Kilcreen yet.”</p>
<p>Robyn shook her head. “Not quite and I don’t see it happening any time soon. We are in the middle of an Irish summer. Rain and more rain.”</p>
<p>“Let me go and get the girls. Just give me two minutes.”</p>
<p>“Sure mam. Thanks.” Taron placed his phone on his lap and turned his head to Robyn. “Shall I just mind your house for you the weekend of Mari’s birthday? So much girl talk is going to happen, Mari is going to burst with excitement and once again, I will be pushed to the side for girl talk. Instead of going home I can chill on your couch with cwtch, sleep in your bed and snoop some more.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think there is anywhere else for you to snoop and you really think your sisters are going to let you do that? They must be so thrilled to have you home for a few days. It’s been a long time for you.”</p>
<p>Taron nodded, a happy sigh falling from his lips. “I can’t wait to go home. See my family.”</p>
<p>“Taron!”</p>
<p>“Taron!”</p>
<p>A blur of colour dashed across the phone before it was picked up and two red faced girls appeared on the screen.</p>
<p>“Robyn!” Mari shot up from the couch when she realised who was sitting beside her brother. “Hi Robyn! And cwtch! Look Rosie. There is cwtch.”</p>
<p>“Mari move over. I can’t see!” Rosie gave her sister a small push. “Oh hey cwtch! Hi Robyn.”</p>
<p>Robyn and Taron watched a fuzzy screen for a about a minute before it settled down and Tina now held the phone, one of her daughters on each side. “Now that we have some sort of calm, let’s give your brother a proper hello and Robyn too.”</p>
<p>After the girls greeted their brother and Robyn in a way that pleased their mother, she moved the conversation quickly on.</p>
<p>“So Taron, you called me.” Tina coaxed.  “You said Robyn had something she wanted to tell Mari?”</p>
<p>Robyn grinned as she watched the young girls sit up in on the couch, especially Mari. She could see her trying to hold in the burning joy she was feeling and Robyn didn’t want to make her wait too long to hear the news. “So Mari, I would like to officially accept your invite to your birthday party and say that I would absolutely love to go and be there and celebrate your birthday with you and your family and friends.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Mari asked, a little look of doubt in her face, not too sure if she should believe what she was hearing.</p>
<p>“Really really.” Robyn confirmed. “I am definitely going to be there.”</p>
<p>“Robyn! Thank you!” Mari jumped up from the couch, nearly knocking the phone from her mother’s hands. She brought her face really close to the screen. “Thank you for coming! It is going to be the best party and cwtch can come too and don’t forget you have to wear a costume.”</p>
<p>Robyn couldn’t help but smile at Mari’s enthusiasm. “I won’t forget about the costume but I don’t think cwtch can come. He needs to look after the house when I am gone. Rosie I am looking forward to seeing you again too.” She could see how the other little girl was feeling a little left out of the excitement and wanted to make sure she was involved in the conversation. “It has been a long time since we have seen each other.”</p>
<p>Rosie gave Robyn a little smile. “You are really coming?” She asked.</p>
<p>“Really coming.”</p>
<p>“And will you come to our beach picnic on Sunday too?” She asked, her voice hopeful.</p>
<p>“Of course I will, well I will if I am not intruding on a family day out.” Robyn snuck a glance to Tina.</p>
<p>“I know there is always room for one more at our picnic.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Tina. I must bring something.” Robyn thought out loud.</p>
<p>“Absolutely not.” Tina answered her thoughts. “I won’t have it. I am inviting you to our picnic. You are a guest and there is no need for you to bring anything but yourself.”</p>
<p>“And a swimming suit.” Mari added. “And a towel. We are going to go swimming in the sea. You will love the sea Robyn.”</p>
<p>Robyn saw the sideways glance from Taron. “I am sure I will. I think that sounds like a wonderful way to spend the day. Once everyone is sure I am not…”</p>
<p>“We will both be there.” Taron assured his family. “I know I am very much looking forward to a weekend at home and Robyn could do with few days break.”</p>
<p>“I am so happy Robyn! You are going to have the best time.” Mari’s eyes were bright. “This is going to be my favourite birthday ever!”</p>
<p>Rosie turned to her mam. “Can we go back outside?”</p>
<p>“Oh that’s it?” Asked Taron, still holding the phone, a light chuckle to his voice. “You get to hear Robyn is coming to your sister’s birthday and you’re done. Haven’t seen your brother in weeks.”</p>
<p>Rosie looked to the screen. “Taron you know I love you but the sun is nearly gone is and our friends are waiting for us and we will see you soon!”</p>
<p>“Mam can we go?” Mari asked. “It was my turn to jump rope.”</p>
<p>“Sure, go but say goodbye to Taron and Robyn first.”</p>
<p>With a quick and hurried goodbye, the two girls rushed around their mother and as fast as they arrived into the screen they were gone again.</p>
<p>“You absolutely sure you want to come Robyn? That was just a taste of what to you are to expect.” Tina asked, sitting back into the couch, alone without her daughters.</p>
<p>Robyn laughed. “I very much want to come along and like Taron said, I could do with a break.” She saw the tiniest look of concern flick through Tina’s eyes. Robyn knew she looked exhausted, that Taron held the same tiredness around his eyes and she sat up a little straighter, leaning a little more into him, still holding cwtch on her lap. “Taron was very kind and came to me on his day off, last minute to help me through my first aid training that I had today.” She saw that look of alarm fill Tina’s eyes again. “I hadn’t really told him about it and he has just been the most supportive friend for me over the last few hours. I know I would never have gotten through it if it wasn’t for him, hence the reason why I am looking forward to the break, to come back to Aber, to celebrate with Mari and your family. To have a picnic on the beach. Maybe get some freckles.”</p>
<p>“Well, I think you might be in luck then.” Tina nodded, hearing the honest relief behind Robyn’s words, knowing well something more had happened, so glad to hear that Taron had been right there by her side, supporting her just like she always did for him. “The weather is supposed to be beautiful the weekend of Mari’s birthday so you might just get your wish.”</p>
<p>“I will take a weekend away from the rain.” Robyn smiled. “Thank you Tina.”</p>
<p>“You know you are welcome here for a visit, and your mother, whenever you want.”</p>
<p>Robyn chuckled when she heard Taron’s sigh. “I will talk to my mam.”</p>
<p>“Robyn…” Taron hissed under his breath.</p>
<p>“Maybe my dad too. I think we could all do with a nice weekend away at the beach.”</p>
<p>“That would be lovely.” Tina laughed. She could see how uncomfortable her son was becoming, enjoying the obvious exasperation on his face. “Well look, I will leave you both to it and by it, I mean sleeping.” She saw a brief smile twinkle on both their faces. “Robyn, I look forward to seeing you in two weeks. Taron keep in contact with your mother.” She knew Taron understood the message behind her words and accepted his nod as a promise to call her. “I will try and keep the excitement to a minimum over the next weeks. No promises though.”</p>
<p>Robyn laughed once more. “You don’t have to keep the excitement in. I think I might just join in with it all.”</p>
<p>“My daughters and though he will never admit it, my son, will get a kick out of that too. Have a nice weekend you two. Sleep. Lots of sleep.”</p>
<p>“Will do. Bye mam.” Taron ended the call and slouched down a bit on the couch, dropping his phone to his right. He turned his head a little to his could look to her. “So, you told my mam what happened.”</p>
<p>Robyn bit her lower lip a little before answering him. “I hope you don’t mind. I respect your mother and really am trying to change my ways so knew she deserved the know the truth rather than a very well thought up and plausible lie. Your mam is a very perceptive woman and you know, changing, being truthful, the new me?” Robyn said with a raised eyebrow. “Plus, I think I might have saved you from a more serious and thorough questioning, maybe gained you some brownie points.”</p>
<p>Taron found himself smiling. “And invited your whole family to Aber.”</p>
<p>“Wales is close to Ireland and a nice little holiday spot.” She shrugged. “So, you think maybe we should follow your mother’s advice and get some sleep? Or is it still too early for you?”</p>
<p>Taron took a brief look to his watch. Just before seven, it seemed less early than when he looked at his watch an hour ago. “Yeah, I suppose.”</p>
<p>Robyn stood up and held out her hand for him to take, helping him to his feet and still carrying cwtch she made her way to the bedroom.</p>
<p>“Sorry for the mess.” Robyn cringed when she looked to her still unmade bed. “The bed clothes are clean, I promise.” She handed cwtch to Taron as he stood beside her and she quickly pulled the duvet cover up, straightening it out. “Just really haven’t been sleeping much, so haven’t been using the bed.” Robyn bent down to pick up two of her pillows and placed them on the bed, patting them down. “I have been dozing on the couch.”</p>
<p>“Robyn…” Taron placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’s ok. Really. You don’t have to explain anything to me and too be honest, I am so tired at this point, I know as soon as my head hits that pillow, I will be snoring.”</p>
<p>“You better not be.” Robyn smiled at him.</p>
<p>“No promises.”</p>
<p>“Maybe I should just go to the couch.” She went to pull cwtch from his hands but he held onto the plush firmly.</p>
<p>“Absolutely not and I am pretty sure you are just going to deeply sleep too so you won’t hear a thing. Now can you mind cwtch for two minutes while I use the bathroom?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>“Don’t give him all the cuddles.” Taron said seriously. “I need some of those too.”</p>
<p>“Never.”</p>
<p>She watched him walk into the closet and then the bathroom, closing the door behind him. While Taron got ready to sleep, Robyn put cwtch in the middle of the bed and did a quick tidy, picking up a bra that was thrown across her chair at the make-up table, a tank top from the floor and stashed them in her wardrobe, fixing the other side of the duvet. She was closing the curtains as he walked out of the bathroom.</p>
<p>“I used some of your toothpaste.” He said coming to stand at the side of the bed.</p>
<p>“Taron, you don’t have to tell me that. You are welcome to use anything. Get settled. Stick the TV on if you would like. I just need my own two minutes.”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Robyn stopped at her PJ shelf and routed out a clean pair of blue stripped matching pyjama shorts and string top. She loved the warm fleece pyjama’s she was wearing but having to share her bed with Taron, she knew the long sleeved top and pants would just not work with the cuddle she was bound to be in soon. The shorter cotton set would work for the warmth he would give her, also knowing she wouldn’t need to plug her electric blanket in. After her own trip to the bathroom, she made sure all the doors of the laundry room and closet were closed, making her way into the bedroom, grinning as Taron was already laying on her bed, cwtch tight in his arms, his face buried into to the dinosaur’s soft fur. He was on his left side, curled in a ball, the duvet bunched up at his feet. She turned off the main light and the room plunged into darkness. She was used to walking in her room the darkness, her blackout curtains one of the first things she invested in as she decorated her bedroom and easily made her way around to her side. She turned on the bedside lamp on the locker and happily smiled as she looked to Taron. Yet to speak, or acknowledge that she was back in the room, she could see his eyes were already closed and his chest was moving with easy calm breathes.</p>
<p>“I guess you were right.” She said, turning the light off, getting up onto her bed, taking her time, trying to move him too much as she crawled towards him. “Asleep in seconds.”</p>
<p>“Your bed is just too comfortable.” A muffled reply came to her.</p>
<p>“So, you have told me many times. You too warm? Don’t want the duvet?” She asked him.</p>
<p>“No, not too warm. Just too cosy.” Taron snuggled a little more in the dinosaur.</p>
<p>“Can I pull it up?”</p>
<p>“Sure.” Taron was settled for the night. Fighting sleep, he was just about able to concentrate on what Robyn was asking him. He could get a whiff of his aftershave from cwtch and along with that beautiful fresh scent of fabric softener from the pillow his head lay on, he was very quickly hitting that hazy feeling of sleep. He felt the weight of the duvet on his body, smiling as Robyn smoothed it down over his shoulder. Sighing contentedly, he was so ready to sleep, to rest and recharge.</p>
<p>“So, want a cuddle?” Robyn eyes had adjusted to the darkness in her room and watched him open his right eye and look at her. “Or is cwtch getting them all tonight?”</p>
<p>“Can cwtch come too?” He asked.</p>
<p>“Sure.” Robyn had already settled herself on the pillow behind her head, laying on her back and was ready and waiting for Taron. He was a little slow in his movements, the weariness he felt so obvious as he took his time in shuffling closer to her and it took him a few seconds after he laid his head under her chin, to notice that she had changed pyjama’s and she could feel the smile on his face.</p>
<p>He wasn’t too sure if it was him or her who was radiating the heat but it was so lovely to be so close to her, even more so that he wasn’t sick and he could actually concentrate on the easy beat of her heart. Her skin was still lightly scented from her bath and it was so hard not to nuzzle a little lower but moved his face a little so the strap of her top wasn’t under his cheek and their skin was properly touching, gorgeously soft feminine skin touching his cheek. Always thankful for the size of her bed, Taron had enough space to cuddle close to her but still stretch his legs out to the side and not have them hanging off the bed and he found a perfect sleeping position, still on his side. The extra space was glorious and it was a sleep he was very much looking forward too. He placed cwtch in front of his stomach, by Robyn’s right side and as he slid his right arm over Robyn, his palm resting flat around her waist, the plush was snug between them. He opened his eyes and it took a few seconds for them to adjust to the darkness. It was so obvious she had changed, knowing well the bare skin that his face rested on was not on show before she went into the bathroom. “PJ’s too hot?” He asked as his cheek laid on Robyn’s bare shoulder, his face moving a littler lower, the tip of his nose brushing her skin.</p>
<p>“No, my house guest is.” Robyn answered him, already feeling the heat from Taron’s arm around her stomach sinking into her, the warmth from his face on her chest.</p>
<p>Another little smile found his lips, as she drew the duvet up over his shoulders. “Shorts?” He asked his eyes closing again. He hadn’t seen them, but figured she had changed her bottoms too.</p>
<p>“Naturally. Now sleep.” Robyn lifted her right hand to his head, gently running her fingers through his hair. “Thanks Taron.” She moved so she could kiss his head, keeping her fingers moving back and forth slowly.</p>
<p>“Always Robyn.” Taron answered slowly and sleepily. “Always.” He really wanted to stay awake, to enjoy the wonderful sensation of her hand in his hair, the increasing heat of their skin but he was asleep within minutes.</p>
<p>It took Robyn a little longer to drift off, very much enjoying the cuddle with Taron. Ever so thankful for the man in her arms, Robyn had never known a male to truly show their emotions with her in a way without anger or judgement. Taron had been nothing but patient with her, understanding and just so supportive and she knew she owed him so much. Lifting her left hand, she lightly stroked his nose and without thinking his slightly parted lips. She quickly moved her hand as he stirred a little, those adorable little sleepy noises she was getting used to hearing coming from him as he settled, his head moving lower on her chest. She was surrounded by his warmth in every way possible and placing her whole hand over his cheek, found herself kissing his head once again, her thumb moving very lightly to stroke his cheek.</p>
<p>“I love you Taron.”</p>
<p>Closing her eyes, she let her arms drape over his body and for the first time all week, finally felt herself again, free from ghastly nightmares and visions, having something to look forward too, someone to look forward to spending time with, someone to love with everything she had.</p>
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